It sounds like you are still grieving the loss of Amylynn, and that may take so long to recover from. I wonder if a bereavement group might be of some help? It is easy for me to say, "don't worry, it gets better", but, I know from personal experience those words are absolutely meaningless.

However, YOUR life is not meaningless. That needs to get through to your poor grieving heart.

May you find comfort, somehow.

Hugs,
Johanna