Need drinking advice (Adult Advice)

[carole]

I think you would be wise to seek counselling too King2005, and I think you are very vunerable right now and adding drinking into an already complex situation would be extremely bad and a very bad decision on your part, on the whole you have always struck me as a very sensible young person, so I think you will make the right choice here, i see red flags too, you mentioned that you had grandfathers who were both drunks, that is a warning sign IMO, that indeed alcoholism is in your family, so be careful.

I don't think in anyway anyone is saying drinking is either good or bad or evil, myself included, moderation is the key as is with everything, trouble is so few of us human beings can actually achieve that and to those who do in everything in their life i take my hat off to you.

Again i will say i think it would be foolish of you to start drinking now, can you tell me WHY??? you want to drink, do you think you will enjoy the taste, the experience or what? is it a way of socialising or what? you will be less inhibited if you have a drink in you or what? I am just lost as to what your reasons are for starting.

Honestly if you think you need to drink for whatever reason then go ahead, but just be prepared for the down side of drinking, unless you are one of those rare people who are in control, you are going to experience that IMO.

Most people who enjoy a drink or two do enjoy the feeling it gives them.relaxing them, and just that nice warm feeling, if you can stop there then that is fine, but unfortunately very few actually can,let us hope you are one of them, because it seems you are determined to take this path regardless of any advice given here, so I can only hope you find drinking a nice experience and not the usual experience that it is for most.

p.s I agree with Jen too, it is rubbish to say you cannot enjoy yourself without alcohol, because you sure can.

[catnapper]

Well, I was thinking about this earlier and didn't get a change to mention it, but with your allergies, there's a HIGH chance you'll also be allergic to alcohol. I am one of those "lucky" folks who is. Just a teaspoon of alcohol is enough to make me sick for a week. I wake up the next morning with the hangover from heck simply by eating beer battered chicken (don't try to tell me that the alcohol burns off - my day after hangover says otherwise)

Everyone has different reactions to alcohol, and if you have strong reactions to many common meds and foods, you're highly likely to have a negative reaction to alocohol.

Thanks to my sensitivity to alcohol, I spent many nights at parties and clubs drinking ginger ale or water. I still had a ball out with my friends and never felt like I missed out on any of the fun. I actually liked it BETTER because when they started to get silly and dopey, I still was in full control of myself.

[Catty1]

Alcoholism is an illness, a family illness. It RUNS IN FAMILIES.

Big danger zone here, King. Please check in with your doctor ASAP.

HUGS HUGS HUGS

Catty1

[gini]

I have been following this thread, but I haven't posted until now.

You have received some good advice here but I would imagine that you might feel overwhelmed by all of us.

The thought came to my mind (and why I logged on to post) is that you have shared a lot of your recent life and some personal information with all of us. And something has happened because of that. ALL OF US CARE! You seem so special and vulnerable at the same time.

So we may seem like a bunch of clucking hens gathered around you - trying to tell you what to do or not to do. It is just out of great concern for such a lovely person that we all speak our mind.

Just know that we will continue to be here for you - no one is judging you - and most of all we want you to have the chance at a very happy life - which you richly deserve.

Hugs to you from Gini and her crazy orange gang.

[king2005]

I have been following this thread, but I haven't posted until now.

You have received some good advice here but I would imagine that you might feel overwhelmed by all of us.

The thought came to my mind (and why I logged on to post) is that you have shared a lot of your recent life and some personal information with all of us. And something has happened because of that. ALL OF US CARE! You seem so special and vulnerable at the same time.

So we may seem like a bunch of clucking hens gathered around you - trying to tell you what to do or not to do. It is just out of great concern for such a lovely person that we all speak our mind.

Just know that we will continue to be here for you - no one is judging you - and most of all we want you to have the chance at a very happy life - which you richly deserve.

Hugs to you from Gini and her crazy orange gang.

Overwhelmed is right.. wasn't really expecting this, esp. the coluncling part. Which I'll never go back to ever again, they are monsters in my eyes! I've been to atleast 5 & I hated them all. One told me to do something, so I did & then yelled at me the following week for walking out of the house while mom was yelling at me! One tried to make me say dad touched me (Its NOT true!). One started an argument with mom about DOG FOOD & ya I was stuck in the middle of that. The others I don't remember, I walked out before things got heated or someone tried to make me say or do something that would result in me being yelled at more...

Please don't bring up counclers anymore, just thinking of them stresses the hell out of me & reminds me of the hell I went through with mom, the lawyers & all moms friends... I'd rather talk to people on here, as your far nicer & many have life experience well above mine.

I know you all care, other wise you would have ignored me, or told me off long ago.

Honestly right now I'm in a fantastic mood (have been for the most part this week & last). I wont get into too many details right now, but I met someone lastnight. I'll be far smarter in this relationship as I wont be on the pill or patch (allergic & messed with my mind big time). I already know what its like to be in an abusive relationship & I'll never go there again. I've already shooed 2 guys away, so I'm not latching onto the first person I meet (I'm being very picky). Both of us are being smart. Were building a friendship & will take it from there if all goes well. Our first date will be on Sat, it'll be filled with movies/tv, pop & a walk in the park. I told him I have never had a drink & he wants to keep it that way (he drinks the odd beer but never to the point of getting drunk)...

I'll still be careful & don't worry about me getting stuck in a crappy relationship again (if my brain fails to notice it) as I have a large older man keeping his eye on me (not by choice so its a little annoying), hes my Landladies Boyfriend & hes very protective of the ladies under his roof (hes a ladies man & wants me to have the best). Hes the big reason why I'm not scared to meet guys, as I know he's never too far.

[Cataholic]

I don't think in anyway anyone is saying drinking is either good or bad or evil, myself included, moderation is the key as is with everything, trouble is so few of us human beings can actually achieve that and to those who do in everything in their life i take my hat off to you.

Honestly if you think you need to drink for whatever reason then go ahead, but just be prepared for the down side of drinking, unless you are one of those rare people who are in control, you are going to experience that IMO.

Most people who enjoy a drink or two do enjoy the feeling it gives them.relaxing them, and just that nice warm feeling, if you can stop there then that is fine, but unfortunately very few actually can,let us hope you are one of them, because it seems you are determined to take this path regardless of any advice given here, so I can only hope you find drinking a nice experience and not the usual experience that it is for most.

Carole, I REALLY take exception to your comments above. I drink, members of my family drink, many of my friends drink. All of us, without exception, are 'in control', and are able to 'stop there' with a few drinks. I recognize that there are people that cannot, but, to somehow suggest that ALL people cannot is far from the truth. I know I must come across as some big-time drinker/party girl (woman??),and nothing could be further from the truth. Drinking a glass or two of wine is a nice experience for me. I am no more or less of a person when I drink. Alcohol, itself, is not the 'devil'. It is the people that have an addiction AND drink that makes the problem.

Painting a picture that it is an all or nothing proposition is irresponsible to those that might be thinkinhg of taking a drink. The hell that you know is better than the hell that you don't. To make it seem so mysterious, and mind altering is just making it 'taboo', which seems to make it more tempting for people.

Johanna

[Cataholic]

I'd rather talk to people on here, as your far nicer & many have life experience well above mine.

We are NOT trained professionals (in the counselling arena, anyhow). King, you are on a dangerous, somewhat 'blind' path. You remind me of a pinball game, bouncing off one target, heading a particular way, until you hit another target, than, you head another way. Does that make sense?

Keep in mind that any counselling you **might** have experienced in the past doesn't have to be a current situation. Like all else in life- some counsellors might be 'bad' (at least for you), and some will be great. Finding someone that works for YOU, and is comfortable for YOU might take a few sessions.

[pitc9]

Please be careful.
I started drinking at 13 and loved it... waaaaay too much.
When I met my hubby at the end of my senior year in high school, he was anti-drinking. So I stopped, that lasted 3 years, until I started missing it.
So I started drinking (and smoking) behind his back and my families backs.
I hide where ever and when ever I could to drink and smoke and worst off, my friends helped me hide, and would take the blame for me smelling like smoke.
Here I am 10 years later, still hiding and now I have a drinking problem. I am a binge drinker, when I know I'll have a few hours to myself (no hubby) I'll run to the store and buy a six pack and drink it as fast as I can, and make sure to be in bed asleep when my hubby gets home. I hide my empties in my trunk and throw them away once I get to work the next day. I am also now battling with depression which makes my drinking worse.
There are no alcohol dependants in my family, no history of alcohol abuse anywhere. It can happen to any one if you're not responsible. I'm not telling you not to go out and have a drink once in a while; it can be relaxing and fun... but just know when to stop and be sure to keep yourself in check at all times!

[*JTM*Coco*pi*Caramel*]

Going to a counseler isn't suppose to be fun and the topics brought up there are suppose to be hard to talk about and deal with but the point is to deal with them there in a controled environment with a proffesional. I have been to many counselers and I really never "liked" them but I left my trust in them and things worked out. Maybe now that you are older you would be more open to a counseler and be truly open with them and realize it is ok to get mad or sad and stay and bear through it.

I know you probably didn't imagine the overwhelming response from everybody, but they are just concerned about you, that is a good thing! Often times we get mad, take wrong directions in life, and are confused about things in life, and we cannot see a logical view of what going on and that is were a counseler comes in. You may think you are ok but it may be a tempory thing, and things change fast especially when you have a rough past to remember. I just hope that everything goes well for you and good luck. Hopefully some of this advice from everyone is helpful to you.

[beeniesmom]

I'm just trying to understand WHY you want to start drinking, what's the point?


As others have said, with all of your recent down time, from whay you've told us this especially isn't the time to start drinking.

I agree with Kfmr and also think that your question is a strange one.
Is this a request for help?
You really shouldn't drink if you are on meds, as others have said.
I don't drink regularly, but have an occasional beer. Maybe once every few weeks just because I like the taste and the coldness.

[BOBS DAD]

ALL OF US CARE!
You seem so special and vulnerable at the same time.

So we may seem like a bunch of clucking hens gathered around you - trying to tell you what to do or not to do. It is just out of great concern for such a lovely person that we all speak our mind.

Very well put. I just wanted to reiterate your sentiment. YES, we do care. And if I or anybody else sounded condenscending or anything other than concerned for you, I humbly apologize. I remember what Jesus says in the Bible, "remove the board from your own eye before you point out the speck in your brothers (sister)". Best to you!

Dan

[carole]

Johanna i feel i must address your comments, although i would rather let them pass, as this thread is not about YOU or about peoples drinking, it is about king2005 and i think you are reading way too much into my posts completely, if you read my post carefully i have never suggested that everyone cannot stop at a few drinks, but there are only a few IMO that really can, (and that is purely my personal opinion from observations in life)and obviously you are one of them, so why on earth do you have to take offence at anything i have posted is beyond me, i must say i feel a little hurt that you have chosen to do so, i only speak from experience and am only trying to advice king2005 to the best of my knowledge and life experiences,at nearly 50 i do have a few ya know.

King2005 is old enough to not be tempted by anything one might say to make it sound mysterious or whatever as you suggested.

I wanted to add I myself have only seen alcohol abused most of the time,so my comments are a generalisation,not directed at people like yourself, so there is absolutely no need for you to take offence, so please do not turn this thread into a debate about alcohol being evil,although in the wrong hands it is, just look at statistics re drunk drivers, spousal abuse and child abuse and neglect, often you will find alcohol abuse is behind this legal drug, that some do become addicted to,(obviously the first and the others as well)for someone like yourself and family and others it is not a problem,so why so defensive,King2005 does have some alcohol abuse in her family from reading her posts, so my advice to her is why start and take the risk.

This is the second time you have challenged my posts re-drinking the first being Denise who admitted to a drinking problem, again i was there only to help if I could..i think you read way too much into my posts and take them the wrong way,which I understand, but honestly you have got me totally wrong.

Sure I have been on the bad side with the stuff, but hey i remember some jolly good times with alcohol myself,that were fun and enjoyable, i think my experience is that i have been on both sides of the fence and have experienced both the good and bad,(I myself have never had a problem with alcohol, i can take it or leave it)sure wish it was the same for everyone, again i cannot say it enough moderation is the key, something you do, and thats to be applauded, but it is not always the same for everyone else, the young ones, the ones with addictions and those who just plain love to drink to get drunk.and yep there is such a thing as the happy drunk who rarely causes any problems, but they do seem to be far and few inbetween In my experience(and I DO NOT include all young people in this,again this is a generalisation and from what one reads about alcohol affecting young people who binge drink today, of course older ones do to, just wanted to clarify that before someone jumps down my throat ok)

I myself have no problem with people who drink alcohol only those who drink too much and cause pain and suffering to others who donot deserve it, end of story.

let us just continue to offer advice to the best of our knowledge to those who ask, i hate when threads get turned around and become personal, and that is NOT what i intended, so i will apologise to you and anyone else who may have taken it that way,for that is not what i intended ok.

I also think you are way too sensitive over drinking issues, as i probably am too, just an observation. Johanna if you do have any problem with anything i have written feel free to Pm me about it, I am more than happy to talk with you on any subject, this included, I just dont want us going back and forth overtaking this thread, and want to keep it about helping King2005.

[Catty1]

King - you certainly don't have to check in with a counsellor.

Just remember - you ARE an adult now, can choose someone YOU are comfy with(takes a few times, just like getting to know a person), and it's just the two of you - no lawyers or crowds. Just you.

http://www.stopbadtherapy.com/test/therapy.shtml

That's a link you might use IF you want to check out a counsellor - tells you what to look (out) for.

HUGS
Catty1

[carole]

King2005 i get what you are saying about counsellors, but just remember there are good and bad ones out there, it seems you have been unfortunate enough to get a raw deal with them and get the bad ones,maybe you should still consider it but really check out a good counsellor, usually by word of mouth is the best referral, but i know exactly what you mean, went to one myself once and did more harm then good ,anyhow I am pleased to hear you have met someone nice who neither cares whether you drink or not, and that you seem content and happy right now, good luck you deserve some real happiness.

[Cataholic]

Carole- uh, I am not sure why YOU have the 'right' to wax eloquent on the downside of drinking, making it personal to YOUR experiences, yet, chastise ME for doing the same, but from the opposite point of view. And, I might add that you spent about 80% more space ranting about what you claim I was doing, taking time away from King and her issues, than I did. I just pointed out that alcohol is not a necessary demon.

I am not limited, like all of us, to what I can and cannot post. So, keep your tirade against me to yourself, thank you very much. I am not sensitive about my drinking. I like my drinking. What I don't like is someone making anyone that drink some off the wall 'drunk'. That is not the truth. That is not factual. You made the same comment with Denise, and I responded in kind. Big deal. If you did it again, in another thread, I would respond. I don't understand why you are permitted this luxury, but, I am not?

I think it is doing someone a disservice to make it an all or nothing proposition. So, if King has asked for advice, I feel free to give it. From my perspective. Obviously, our opinions differ, that is life.

To me, and to those people I know, drinking is not an issue. In moderation, like most things in life.