I have a drink problem - Professional opinion

[RedHedd]

I am looking for clarity, not critcism , but, I cannot understand how someone that has two beers a week (as Carole mentioned above) is an alcoholic. If it is, in fact, the way the drink affects your job, your life, your relationships, how does two beers a week do anything at all? Unless you are drinking them first thing Monday morning, and they make you late for work???

I am not trying to be funny. And, I do drink, so, am I defensive? I don't know. But, sometimes, it can appear that anyone that is an alcoholic tends to think most everyone is an alcoholic. Please, I am not saying anyone is, or isn't, and if one is, I do think it is a disease. There is a long, personal account of this in my life- my ex was an recover(ing)(ed) alcoholic, probably sober 18-20 years? And, he decided to drink one day. As far as I know, he still drinks 'socially' without any of the problems he had in his youth. I say as far as I know as I don't maintain contact with him any longer, for reasons not related to drink!

It's not how much one drinks that is a determining factor, it's what happens when one drinks, regardless of how much or how little, how often or not. For an alcoholic like myself, one drink is too many, and 1,000 never enough.

[Cataholic]

RH- thanks for your response. I have heard the 'one drink too many...'. BUT, that still leaves me questioning the two beers a week. I can drink two beers, and it hasn't any effect on me at all. So, I still struggle with the two beers a week= havoc, or mini havoc in one's life.

[Catty1]

Well, I heard the same thing about a guy who had six beers every Friday, and got help for that.

I think it is kind of like my being BORED with drinking at the end of my drinking career...I went for periods without drinking, and thought I could leave it alone out of sheer apathy. But I didn't - I drank without wanting to, with sad results.

What made sense to me was the suggestion "If, when you honestly want to, you find you cannot quit entirely, or if, when drinking, you have little control over the amount you take, you are probably alcoholic." That was me. That's from the Big Book...and note it says "probably". It also describes four kinds of drinkers, only one of which is the alcoholic drinker.

So - if someone decides to quit the only-two-beers-a-week and CAN'T, even when they want to...I guess they decide that it is a problem for them.

That's why only the person themselves can decide if they are alcoholic, or if alcohol is a problem for them. It's a self-diagnosis - yes, a professional can do that too, but only the person themselves can decide to agree and take action.

Clear like mud? Hope that helps.

Catty1

[Cataholic]

Catty1- that did clear things up for me. And, I like the insertion of the word 'probably', too. I guess with the way I am, with control and order, it is 'scary' to me to give up power, and admit I am powerless when it comes to anything- be it drink, food, whatever.

[carole]

Johanna i really do need to clarify what i was saying, you have mis-understood my post a little so i shall explain myself clearer, i was not insinuating that someone who drinks two beers a week is an alcoholic, no way, but in my ex husbands case he was, he could only afford two beers a week on his wage, but come hell or high water he would have those two beers no matter what, i too had difficulty with it realising he was an alcoholic at first until it was explained to me, he was not actually getting enough booze for his addiction which made his moods swings terrible and him a very hard person to live with, it affected my relationship with him alot.

This Johanna is what makes it different from you or anyone else drinking two beers a week and not affecting them in anyway, i also could do that and it would not do anything bad to me either.,also the fact he could NOT do without them no matter what, he would rather we did without some necessity than not get his two beers,that is what makes it different.

He also suffered from the DDTS when he was drying out, that does not happen to someone who does not have an addiction., I saw him go through that and it was not a nice experience for him believe me.

When we shifted and bought a shop, we had more money and he had to go to the wholesaler to buy food for the shop, he also picked up bottles of whisky or whatever and then his drinking increased, he hid it all over the shop, funny thing was he could serve in that shop and appear co-herrent, the minute he finished he was blind drunk, that still amazes me until today.

Do you know what the turning point for him was, the day I asked him to carry our then newborn son up the stairs, unbeknown to me he had been drinking, believe me he hid it well at times and was very good at it too, he was drunk and was scared he might slip and fall with our son, that was the day he asked me to get him help.

Also for those who don't know if you were drinking say two bottles of wine a day when you became sober, if you start again you will go back to square one, it is not usually a gradual build up of one drink here and there but straight back to where you left off.

Sorry i dont want to hi-jack this thread in anyway, and it is not about me and my past life, but just felt the need to explain things clearer so as there are no mis-understandings .

Denise i was worried you might take my post the wrong way, but i am glad you did not, my concerns for you are real and i know that your stubborn nature as you put it might indeed get you through this, I just want you to always know you are never alone and don't be afraid to reach out for help, take care and i wish you well.

[Catty1]

Sorry to be a pain:

DTs - short for "Delirium Tremens", happens when a drinker starts withdrawl

DDT - a pesticide, now banned. Killed all the fleas our cats brought in in the 70's though!

Catty1

[RICHARD]

Sorry to be a pain:

DTs - short for "Delirium Tremens", happens when a drinker starts withdrawl

DDT - a pesticide, now banned. Killed all the fleas our cats brought in in the 70's though!

Catty1

DOT - that cute girl in my anatomy class that drove me to drink!

[Pawsitive Thinking]

Sorry i dont want to hi-jack this thread in anyway, and it is not about me and my past life, but just felt the need to explain things clearer so as there are no mis-understandings .

Denise i was worried you might take my post the wrong way, but i am glad you did not, my concerns for you are real and i know that your stubborn nature as you put it might indeed get you through this, I just want you to always know you are never alone and don't be afraid to reach out for help, take care and i wish you well.

Quite the opposite - I am so glad I started this thread - being able to read about other people's experiences and be given so much support and advice has been phenomenal. Saturday night was a real turning point for me - normally when the outlaws come round and the vodka is flowing I just join in but this time I realised that I didn't actually want to drink, so I didn't




In fact I felt so well the next morning that I sat in the garden at the crematorium and told my Dad everything (sounds a little mad but I know he'd understand me ) I then had a quick sing-a-long to John Denver and went on my way.....

[Pam]

Brody's Mum, I just want to tell you how much I admire you for your bravery in admitting that you have a problem. I have been reading this thread occasionally and just wanted to say how much I respect the people here for being there for other members no matter what the situation. The caring and compassion on this board never ceases to amaze me.

I haven't read every post but the ones by Catty1 have been helpful to me to see into the mind of an alcoholic. Your honesty and help in get those of us not suffering with this disease to understand it is certainly appreciated. Do you all realize that there are probably many lurkers out there who have never joined PT but are coming here to get help through this thread.

My husband's sister was married to an alcoholic. Beer was his beverage of choice. He knew he had a problem and even was hospitalized due to alcoholism but returned to it after he was released. He finally was able to give it up when my niece was pregnant with his first grandchild. He didn't want his granddaughter to grow up knowing her grandfather was an alcoholic. How my SIL ever stayed with him I'll never know. I could tell you stories.....

Unfortunately he died in January of 1999. My SIL found him dead in the living room recliner. He often couldn't sleep after giving up booze and would go downstairs to watch TV until he felt tired. She came down one Saturday morning to find him asleep in the recliner. This was not unusual and she went to prepare coffee as she normally did. When she came to put it on the end table by the recliner he didn't reach for it. It was only then that she realized he was dead.

The cause of death was heart disease brought on by alcholism. His hospitalization several years before had been for heart damage due to drinking. In the end, even after giving up drinking, it took his life.

I encourage you and anyone reading this to know that alcoholism kills. Please, please nothing in a bottle is worth dying over. I know I don't understand the compulsion so I am not one to give advice. Thankfully others on this board are better able to do that. I just wanted to share a very painful experience with you to let you know the horrible path alcohol can take you down.