I think you are truely amazing, i am just worried for you, i think you are way too hard on yourself, drinking has controlled your life obviously from what you are saying, and it is not just a matter of saying it will not anymore, but i really admire your determination and courage, i really just have to say i think you are putting far too much temptation in your way,far too early on in the peace, you have to give yourself time to recover,it won't happen over night, i am sorry i don't mean to harp on about it or keep putting a downer on things for you because you are doing so exceptionally well, and should be proud, i am just concerned that you are being too brave if you know what i mean, going to an AA meeting is an excellent idea and i am sure you will get some expert advice there, in the meantime congratulations and keep at it, you really are a very strong person, and that will help you through it all a lot,just don't be frightened to reach out and ask for help, take care and all the very best.