I just want to crawl in a hole, and die. . .. *vent*

[Alysser]

I know dads! My dad is so annoying with boys I can't even believe it! He says if I EVER am *allowed* to get a boyfriend he has to check him out. Okay, I get that. But then he goes "Your uncle and godfather has to check him out to!" UGH! I know he is serious. My godfather would literally KILL him if I was ever hurt and whatever. I am really mad about that. My mom is okay with having boys over as long as an adults there. But my dad can't even be told a boy was in the house.

((HUGS)) Im really sorry you can't talk to Dylan that long. He sounds like a great guy and you seem to be in a real pickle. Sorry about that! I just want you to know alot of teen girls go through this to.

[moosmom]

I used to get SUPER pissed when it came to rules and regs of the house when I was your age. I couldn't date till I was 16. I couldn't wear stockings (that's what they called them BEFORE pantyhose arrived on the scene). I couldn't wear jeans to school, only dresses and skirts, my curfew was midnight on the weekends.

I'm going to tell you what MY father always told me back if I complained about any of it. It didn't make sense then. But believe me, he was right on the money.

"You may not understand NOW, why I do the things I do when it comes to you. But I can promise you, you WILL when you have children of your own."

I never met a more wise man when it came to that statement.

[catnapper]

I'm sorry, but I'd have reacted the same way. Did you see my thread in Cat Genreal about my daughter doing basically the same thing?

Chances are the phone limit was instilled because both of you were burning up the phone time and not spending as much time on your studies and with the family. Smart dad.

As for IM.... it is VERBOTEN around here to have that on the computer. If we find that on the 'puter whoever installed it lost all computer priveledges for a long. long while. IM is a BAD program that opens a back door to the computer system for huijackers and such. Besides, teens spend entirely too much tie on IMing people, and can get themselves into trouble with it. Too much power and freedom for someone who hasn't learned much about life

[moosmom]

Listen to Kim. She speaks from experience, so do I. We may sound old (nothing personal, Kim) but we know what we're talking about. Been there, done that!!

[Toby's my baby]

Thank you Donna and Kim! I know my parents just want the best for us, but it seems like it's just pushing us away. I know that deep down inside, somewhere, I love my parents very much. We (me nad my sister) help my parents when they need it, working for my dad, or helping my mom clean the house. But they always complain about us not telling them things, like what happened in school etc. We DO tell them, but everytime I try to tell my mom something, she just ignores us, she's too interested in the show she's watching, or she just doesnt seem to care. .

[catnapper]

Then why try to talk to her when she's into a show? I had this SAME EXACT discussion with my girls. They complained I wasn't listening when they were talking, and I asked them why they always chose the exact moment I am least receptive. I told them that when I'm folding laundry, walking the dog, etc, that I am COMPLETELY able to talk to them. I'd love to chat while matching socks. I might fall over if one of my girls sat next to me and started sorting with me Its a matter of watching mom and seeing what she's doing.... why choose moment where she is 100% focused on something? Why not go into the kitchen as she's starting dinner and ask her if you could help. As you are hopping onions, start talking about your day. You are responsible for choosing the times you try to talk to your parents. Imagine your dad walking in on your 20 minute phone time and wanting to talk. You'd probably turn a deaf ear to him just as he turns a deaf ear to you while he's winding down watching the tv show he's waited all week to see. Same thing.

The only one pushing away is YOU. Believe me, your parents are not trying to push you away - in fact they are trying to find a way to pull you back in. They miss the sweet little girl who came running ot them when she had a boo-boo on her knee. Now that liuttle girl is a teenager and seems to always solve her own problems and seems to shy away from coming to them for anything other than money or a car ride.

[caseysmom]

Well said Kim those were really good points.

[IRescue452]

Things would be so much easier if parents learned to control their boys. In my area there are gangs of teenage boys vandalizing the town at all hours of the night. Never once are there groups of girls walking around. I just want to make a public service anouncement- parents, do you know where your boys are. Boys getting arrested doesn't even seem to send a clue to parents, whereas they are restricting their teenage girls too much. The only way you are going to get through this is to quietly agree for now. If anything you'll just rebel when you're older because they are setting you up for it.

[Toby's my baby]

They miss the sweet little girl who came running ot them when she had a boo-boo on her knee. Now that liuttle girl is a teenager and seems to always solve her own problems and seems to shy away from coming to them for anything other than money or a car ride.

Thanks again Kim (thats my moms name ) You moms have such a good way of putting things

Another thing thats hard to do when I want to talk to my parents is, I play basketball, so I'm usually not home untill about 7 pm every night. By then, we are all exhausted, my mom and dad have already eatten supper, and my mom is doing her school work (she's a teacher at the college here) so when I get home, I dont see her sometimes. I spend about 98% of my time that I'm home up in my room, with the door shut. The only time I usually am down stairs is to go to the bathroom or get something from the kitchen. I VERY RARELY go to the basement (where my mom's office is). Hopefully things will get a little better when basketball gets over, hopefully, it wont get worse. . . .

[catnapper]

Well, the logical thing is to ask her if she minds company and you both do homework together. My hubby is a middle school teacher and its not unheard of for my girls to ask hubby if they can help grade -- maybe ask her if there's anything you can help her with, like maybe verifying a few easy-to-verify sources for her students papers? You are already acknowledging that you hide out in your room... I swear the weather isn't so different in the basement! You might just find that the company is nice and you might learn moms aren't such bad creatures.

All you teens who swear your parents are so strict... if you just trusted your parents a little and opened up to us, you'd be amazed at how much more fun you'd have with your parents. Let us in on what is going on in your life. My youngest got caught sneaking out of the hosue last (I am a heavy sleeper but hear every creak on the steps ) We called her on her cell phone and said "uh, where are you???" She went to see her friend who's grandmom is dying in the hospital. He's really not taking it well and he needed someone to talk to. She asked if she had to come home, and we said no once we found out where she was. Why? Because she always keeps us up to date on whats going on in her life and her friends lives. We know this boy and think of him like family... and we trust him because he talks to us. They both respect us, and we in turn respect that they will come to us with anything we would need to know.

We parents not out to attack you and punish you for everything..... but if my daughter never told us he's going through this problem.... if we didn't know this boy well, the story might be different. But since she is always honest with us (or at least for the most part honest ) we simply told her that next time she wants to help a friend that she needs to tell us instead of just sneaking out. No screaming matches ensued (like it did with her older sister) because we KNOW whats going on with her.... unlike her sister who kept everything inside and thought we were the enemy.

With her older sister, we told her that SHE was the one who decided how good or bad her senior year of highschool would be. She could have fun and enjoy her senior year of she could be miserable -- all based on how much she opened up to us and let us know whats going on with her. Of course they have secrets. Parents realize a certain amount of privacy and secrets go on in the world of teenagers, but we don't worry about the secrets they keep when we know about a good percetnage of their lives. The more we trust you, the more freedom and priveldeges you'll get. The more we feel you are pushing us away and hiding something the more we'll pull you in and tighten the rules.

Glad I could help so far!

[BC_MoM]

Hmm.. those rules seem pretty harsh.

You know.. I've never once in my life had problems as a teenager. Probably because I don't have high demands for a social life. I don't party, I don't hang out every night.. I have a few good friends and that's about it.

My parents sometimes give me beef and tell me to get out more.. but I don't want to.. I'm fine. My dogs are my life. Friends come last.

... Okay, call me a loner now.. :\

[MariaM]

Ha...parents encourage you to get out? My mom hardly lets me leave and I haven't done ANYTHING to discourage her from trusting me...

[dab_20]

Hmm.. those rules seem pretty harsh.

You know.. I've never once in my life had problems as a teenager. Probably because I don't have high demands for a social life. I don't party, I don't hang out every night.. I have a few good friends and that's about it.

My parents sometimes give me beef and tell me to get out more.. but I don't want to.. I'm fine. My dogs are my life. Friends come last.

... Okay, call me a loner now.. :\

Like me sometimes. I'd rather go to my dad's and visit him and the animals then go out and party with my friends. Although sometimes I fight with my mom.