Well the second description is a little off -- how can "like many calicos" be an accurate description, if a calico is a coat pattern, not an actual breed?? hehe. Anyway I think your description is perfect, but I think you need to add a comma here:
And only one 's' in "especially"I love people, especially children
Oh and capitolize the 'i' in the last sentence since its a proper noun!
Anyway sorry for being nitpicky, I think your description is better than the original AND that seems like a cool job!
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the person that does the internet site, doesn't know that much about cats, because reading some of their other descriptions i roll my eyes! 
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