I'm just now reading this and can relate. I'm not crazy about my MIL either but we won't go into that.

I still think honesty is the best policy here. How would your MIL react if you were to just sit her down and say something to the tune of, "I appreciate you wanting to have a party for me, but I would prefer if you worked WITH my mom in giving us the kind of party that WE want. I didn't feel comfortable at my bridal shower and don't want to have to travel down that road again, but I appreciate the thought." This way, she can still feel like she's contributing (if she doesn't take over again) and you won't have to deal with her throwing you a separate shower. Also, explain to her that although she may not agree with having men and beer at your party, it's what YOU want. Times change, she can accept it or not take part at all. Those are her choices. The ball is now in her court. You'll still be allowing her to contribute, but not dominate and hopefully, in the end, you'll get the party you wanted.

Good luck.