PARENTS: Advice Needed, Please

[BitsyNaceyDog]

I am with Corrina. You are in WAY over your head if you believe YOU can help this young man. I don't mean this harshly. But, in reality. Even in the best of circumstances, you can't change someone. He really does sound like he needs professional help. Help from someone trained in the art of psychology, someone unbiased. I must admit, I find it odd that his father would tell you, another minor, such personal information like he wants his son to see a professional. I don't think that was appropriate, and suggests to me that the father is being a 'friend' rather than a 'parent' to his son, and his son's friends. While nice in theory, it doesn't serve anyone well in the end.

I think it is a huge help to Matt for him to just know that someone is there for him. I'm sure he loves knowing just that you are there at his games supporting him. That's what he needs, support. I agree that it was inappropriate for his father to tell you that Matt needs professional help, that should be something he decusses with Matt's mom, not you.

To have sibling rivalry at, what, 16? 17?, seems really bizarre to me. To not want to share his mother's excitement with a new life suggests there are alot of underlying issues here. Issues you aren't able to solve.

I completely disagree with this. There can be sibling rivalry at any age. It must be odd for him see his mom "starting over" with a new husband and new child when he is almost grown. I remember an episode of 7th Heaven when the mom was pregnant with the twins and the rest of the kids were embarrassed that their mom was having a child (or children rather) late in life. They all had issues with it. I think it's a natural thing for him to be confused and have mixed feelings about his mom having a child in her 40s. I think his mom, dad, and step-dad should all sit down with him together and talk about the baby. Ideally they should have done that before the baby was born. If not the whole family than at least his mom needs to talk to him.

Matt might be the greatest guy in the world, but, right now, your focus should be on school, and not saving your boyfriend. That doesn't mean you hate him, or leave him, or anything at all. But, your focus should be on YOU. Let Matt's parents focus on him. This is a way different situation than someone just having a bad day, or, getting into a fight with his parents (where you would listen, listen, listen and be supportive).

I agree that school should be your first priority right now, but there is more to school than just books. I think that friends are an important part of school. I'm not saying neglect your school work, I'm just saying that book work isn't all school is about. School is about learning- both book work and life skills that you cannot learn from books. I do think that 71/2 hours on the phone is way too much, even 2 hours is too much.

People that don't talk about/work through their issues now (or close to when they are experiencing them) usually don't mature into people that communicate well as adults. If Matt can't/isn't into his feelings now, chances are, he won't be any better ten years from now. That isn't the type of person you want as your life partner.

I don't find this to be true at all. I come from a family who didn't (and still doesn't) communicate at all. I grew up never getting hugs, or hearing "I love you". I grew up in a family who didn't talk about their feelings or problems. As I grew up I had to learn those things. For Justin hugging and saying "I love you" was natural, as was talking about his feelings- he helped me learn how to do that too. I love hugging Justin, though I must admit he's the only person I can comfortably hug. I can easily tell him I love him, and I make sure I do several times each day. Talking about my feelings was a much harder thing to learn, I still struggle with it, but I do it. I believe you can change people, but only if they want to change. You can't change their past, but you can help them mold their furture into something great.

I don't think it's your job to fix Matt's problems, it's his parents job. Unfortunately parents don't always do their job right. You are doing exactly what you should be doing, supporting him, keep doing that. Be there if he does want to talk, let him know it's alright to talk, but don't push it.

I really don't know, but it might help if you helped him see the baby as good and not bad. Don't push though. He needs to see that the baby didn't do anything to him. He shouldn't resent the baby, the baby is an innocent and isn't the one causing him this pain.