The most important thing for you to realize is that this is NOT your fault at all. This is your mother's problem, but she's projecting it onto you. Never blame yourself. You sound like a strong person, hold onto that. Remember that you have good friends here to talk to anytime you need to talk. Your mom needs counseling or some kind of help, but from listening to you I doubt that she will seek the help she needs. So, unfortunately, you are the one she seems to take things out on. Someday she will look back and regret treating you this way. If you ever need to talk pm me!