Aww kim I can't really offer much advice as I have never been a step mother, but I sure can understand your pain, you sound a really great person, and you try so hard, sometimes no matter what you do , it just never is enough , so it seems.

As for hubby he needs to get more back-bone and support you more, you should at least talk about it together when she is not around and decide on which direction you both will take with her, whether it is tough love or whatever, hubby needs to realise it is not about choosing between either of you, and that it is ok to discipline his daughter, she will not love him any less, just hate him a bit as all teenagers do, I do understand this problem as my own husband is like that, he is too easy on our daughter,and saying NO is almost too hard for him when it comes to her, it does create problems for the child and between the parents, even though I am the Bad Cop, Melissa loves me just the same.

Funny thing is my Hubby was very hard on my son,too much so, it was all new to him and he was trying his best, and I did not stand up enough and did not want to upset the apple cart, I guess I was afraid my marriage would not make it through if I did, I don't think any of it really harmed my son, he was never abusive to him or anything, but his expectations were too high, as far as behaviour went, and with my daughter it is exactly the opposite, I think it is because of the gender difference, I am glad he has never raised a hand to her or anything, but I would like my husband to be more of a disiplinary sometimes, sorry don't mean to make this thread about me,but just thought you might beable to relate to some of this stuff too.

Most of all you need hubby's support here on how to handle your step daughter.