Thank you all, your words of encouragement and your stories do indeed help me put things into perspective, I am lucky in many way's, my parent's are law abiding citizens, who have always worked hard all their life, they don't do anything illegal,and they are very giving people when it comes to helping out financially, sometimes I think its like guilt money though, if ya know what I mean, I think in hindsight they have just become a little selfish with their time, maybe I should have forced it more, but it is not in my nature to do that, I don't believe grandparents should be used as babysitters all the time, and some people do that, but I guess feeling that way, I just should have been more pushy, I kind regret that.

Every year my parents go to the Gold Coast Aussie, I have always wanted to ask them to take Melissa with them, I would pay for everything, but I cannot even bring myself to ask them, I think my Dad would be ok, but My mother would think it would encringe (sp)on her holiday,I mean it would have only been the one time, it is just too late now, they have stopped going now, and it would have been an excellent opportunity for her, pity they don't ever think to offer anything like that, still not the end of the world is it?

Emigrating to NZ I missed out on all my relatives, they are really strangers to me now, but luckily many have come over to NZ and I have loved them all, they are such nice people, but I really did feel it as a child, that I missed out and I guess I did, I suppose that is why is seems so much sadder to me, that my kids have missed out and never really needed to.

Well you cannot change the past, but you can change the future, yes I sure hope if I am ever blessed with grandchildren, that I can make a much more considerable effort than my parents, and be a big part of their lives, they probably will get sick of me, lol, my parents always spoilt my kids with presents, and there was some interaction, but just not enough quality time together, actually being with them and doing stuff with them.

Phew it really has helped to talk about this, it has been brewing up inside for so many years, it's a relief to get it out and talk about it, thank you for your kindness and understanding everyone.