I'm a single mom of a teenage boy - almost 15 and freshman in high school. my Jon is ADHD and Gifted - like this boy, he tests in the top percentile on aptitude tests, and yet, at the moment, he's FAILING 3 classes because of his 'disorganizational disabilty'. However, Jon is nowhere near the crash point that this kid is - because school is the ONLY thing in life that he's failing.

I also am an active Boy Scout Leader, and a substitute teacher. My favorite grades to sub are Jr high (6th- 9th grade). I know alot of teenage boys - and I like them for the challenge they bring and what I can learn from them.

What strikes me most about this story is that I hear a very clear plea for HELP from this kid.

He's spiralling out of control, totallly confused, acting out, trying to get attention by pulling crazy, stupid stunts, and because he is physically old enough and large enough to get away with much of it - he's running amuck.

At his age, it's gonna be hard to get him back on track, and very painful for everyone involved.

Has anyone had him tested for drugs? does he drink? That would make his thought process even more convoluted - and if that problem could be resolved, it would help other issues. I would be willing to bet that drinking and drugs are part of his 'acting out'.

If his behavior isn't stopped NOW - I can almost guarantee that he's going to end up in serious legal trouble, soon.

From the list of things in his bags - I would also suspect that he didn't really mean to run away - he was TRYING to get 'caught', and if he actually did get out of the house, he'd be bunking at a friends. I also suspect that the 'running away' happened either right after a big parental showdown, or right before a weekend (when he'd be more likely to find a friends to stay at.) and was not truly 'planned' but more of an impulse. (Despite the key copy, which drving priveledges are a 'control' issue with kids, I'd bet taking the car was more of a 'fantasy' and probably a brag in front of his friends, than an actual 'plan')

He may think his parents are strict - and you don't give any example of what 'strict' means - to him or to his folks. But it sounds like he needs MORE structure, not less.

I'd be on this kid like his own personal police department.

He would only leave the house to go to school - until he had EARNED the right to go somewhere else. He would NOT be driving - at all. Not even for parental convienience. If he wants to behave like a kid, he gets treated like a kid, and kids don't drive.

CD's, games, etc would have to be EARNED back with homework time.

However - kids often say homework is 'stupid' or 'time wasting' when they really don't know how to do it. Just because a child shows 'intellegence' thru testing, doesn't mean he has the skills to navigate the requirements of his schoolwork. He may feel overwhelmed, need a tutor, or he may need to be tested for minor learning disabilities. ALOT of kids manage to make it thru school with minor disabilities, that aren't caught or diagnosed until the demands, pressure and competition of high school hit them full in the face. and then they fail miserably. Add Raging hormones to that, and you got a really confused kid. If he really IS gifted, that, too - can be a problem. Gifted kids get bored easily, and like bored pets - can turn destructive! 'Smart' does not equal "Mature". I haven't met a Teen yet that can truly follow things thru to a conclusion and consequences BEFORE they act. If the work is truly too easy for him - rote repetition is boring, and he turns his thoughts to something else. sometimes that means he misses important steps in classwork, and then falls behind or that he needs work more to his level. He'll resist that, too- but in the end, it will be better to keep his mind occupied.

My son HAS a disability, and an IEP (an Individual Education Plan)Our agreement with Jon in his math classes, is that as long as his test grades show he's understanding the concepts and passing tests with a 'B' or better, that he only has to do the first two problems in each section of a worksheet for homework. Just to show that he DOES understand the work. If he gets the wrong answer, then he has to do the WHOLE worksheet, because he obviously needs the 'practice' on that one.

Maybe this kid needs some 'tough love' and some negotiation of rules, expectations and priveledges. I would crack down on his friends, too. If they are not a good influence, I would find ways of making them vanish out of his universe. Peers are a big influence on teens - sometimes parents have to subtly manuver a kids friends.

I had a neighbor kid who used to drive me nuts - he was always thinking of reckless and destructive things for him and Jon to do, broke everything he touched, he wandered the entire town with no supervision at all. So I was polite to him - but every time he showed up, suddenly Jon and I had an 'appointment' to go to, or an errand to run that I absoulutly needed Jon's help on. If Jon was in the basement, I'd tell the kid Jon wasn't home. Sometimes I'd secretly call my mom, and have her call back & ask for Jon to come over to her house and do some chore for her, just to get Jon away from this kid. The kid would go find someone else to 'hang' with, and eventually gave up looking for Jon, as Jon was seemingly never home.

The kids I DID like - mostly Jon's boy scout friends - I encouraged to come over, fed them pop and pizza, had bonfires in the backyard, let them 'tinker' on stuff in my garage and with my tools, and set aside my 'errands' so we could stay home when they showed up. Jon's makeshift game room in our basement has become the local 'hang out' for a dozen or so teen boys. The rules are reasonable - keep the noise to a low roar, make sure the garbage hits the cans (and Jon has to empty them so they don't attract pests) any wrestling goes outside. Don't tease the animals. if you're not sure it's a good idea - ask. Most likely I'll let them do it, as long as they clean it up. The price is lots of pizza and pop. The reward is knowing my kid is safe, healthy and with GOOD friends. what a bargan.

Summer is coming up - I would look into some kind of program to get him into where he can get some 'space' from parents and see that HE has some choices and control over his life, and that the rules his parents have are really not so bad, in retrospect. a summer boot camp type of place- even a scout or church camp - if it has alot of structure to it's program. Maybe an outward bound type of thing (at least he'd learn how to pack for survival!) AWAY from everyone and everything he knows. Do it NOW, while he's still a minor and you still have some control over him.

when he comes back, Mom and Dad should have used their free time to work out reasonable rules & the priveledges they earn. Stick to it - be really hard nosed about it.

If you can -get him back in to Boy Scouts - or now they have 'Venture Scouts' which is not as 'childish' (not so much badges and rank advancements) They do high-adventure stuff - like canoing the boundary waters, mountain climbing and backpack treks. It's for boys AND girls, age 14 - 21. It would help him make better friends and give him some positive adult reinforcements he needs.

teens can be a pain - but its usually when they are IN PAIN. help this kid turn around!

Laura