Thank you Sandra , your kind words help and put things into perspective, yes you are right, my feelings are mine, just as his are his.

This is the second loss in his family,it will not bring him back to them, maybe that is what they hope for, but neither one of them has tried in 3 years to reconcile with him or have any contact, as he put it to me, it is times like these that you want comfort from family, they lost all that from me , when they did what they did., and he has a good point there.

Things have a way of coming back at you,they cannot treat him as they did and then when something bad happens expect him to come running and offer anything, they don't deserve it believe me.

Yes I believe my brother n law was shattered at his reception, I tried pointing out to my hubby, it was not him who did these things , it was your sister and brother's, he may not have much part in it at all, he was not having a barr of that,maybe he did , maybe he didn't but he was only doing the right thing.

I want to send a sympathy card, I did when my nephew was killed, but my husband's name was not on it, I signed it from Carole and Family, it is a difficult one, because it is obvious steve did not want his name there, and that is kind of hurting them as well, but I feel I must send it all the same.