Oh Caroloe This really has put you in a terrible position. Being the caring, kind person that you are, of course your heart goes out to his family for their loss, especially the children It must have taken a lot for his brother to come deliver the sad news, risk the wrath of your husband, but it was the right thing to do. Families at odds sometimes have a change of heart with a loss, and I'm sure your brother in law felt he owed that to his brother, to tell him in person, just in case. I think your husband is probably dealing with a lot of mixed emotions right now, though he might not be expressing them. He is entitled to his feelings, but his feelings are not yours. Just be there for him if he needs you, support him as you can and take comfort in the fact that you were true to your own feelings of compassion for the family. My sympathies to the family on their great loss