Yes, I have come in contact and know of several people - all women, who self mutilate - or are "cutters." How do I feel about it? I feel sad and compassionate about it the same way I feel about the behaviors that any of of use to deal with terrific emotional pain in our lives. I do not see it as "gross" or "disgusting" if that is what you are asking, but I know the cutters worry that they are seen that way. People that DO it feel like it is and are ashamed about it in the same way that people who use alcohol, medications, food disorders, other self mutilation such as hair pulling, burning, etc or self destructive behaviors feel - they turn to this when life seems out of control and this is a way to be in charge or control of one tiny part of their lives and brings a relief and catharsis - even though it essentially is self defeating.

The most recent women I have come in contact with, who are cutters, are though my attendance at retreat seminars and workshops for victims of clergy sexual abuse, which also includes many victims of sexual trauma and abuse as well. Most (at retreats) have resulting psychiatric diagoses such as PTSD- post traumatic stress disorder (mine), bipolor, MDD (major depressive episodes) and others.

Off topic a bit, but I have migraine headaches. There have been times when I have been so upset and frustrated with the throbbing that I have literally beat my head on the bedboard or the kitchen counter. The harder I pounded, the better I felt. Did my headache go away? No, but I felt the tension released. At the time, I was also disgusted with myself and figured so what if I damaged myself.

Anyone who feels the behavior is weird or gross just does not understand it yet. I would bet that everyone has behaviors that they would not want the world to know about for fear that others would not understand the reasons behind it. I had trouble understanding how cutting would bring relief but now I understand it better and know that it is these ladies' way of gaining control and numbing themselves. I have heard them say that the pain is nothing compaired to the pain in their heart. THAT I can understand.