"I went horseback riding on the weekend," Bill told his friend."How was it?" Sam asked.

"It started off well; my horse was wonderful. He was trotting kind of fast, but I didn't mind.""Great," said Sam.

"But then he started to gallop. I got nervous, and before I knew it, my saddle was tilting to the left. In no time I was hanging upside down and my head was bouncing off the ground."

"Good grief! How did you manage to get off without any broken bones or scratches?" asked Sam.

"Well, thank goodness the manager at the mall came and turned it off."

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Three brothers in Ireland used to frequent a local pub. Then one moved to America and another to Australia. The lone brother left still went to the pub, but now he ordered three beers, taking a sip from each in turn. The patrons watched him go through this ritual for some time before one of them asked why. "One's for my brother in America, one for my brother in Australia and one for me," he replied.

After this explanation, the fellow didn't show up at the pub for a month. Then he appeared again and ordered two beers. He drank from one, then the other. One of the patrons went over and extended his condolences for the man's bereavement. "What bereavement?" the chap asked.

"Well, the loss of one of your brothers," the patron said.

"My brothers are alive," the fellow corrected. He held up one glass. "This is for my brother in America." He held up the other. "This is for my brother in Australia. And I quit drinking."