Randi, I am so very sorry. This is the worst kind of pain and makes a heart so heavy. You had such a special bond with Fister and it will take time to heal. But you will always have the memories of the morning headbumpies and many years of companionship to draw upon and hopefully this will make things a little better each week as you begin to recover. And know that sweet Fister surely had a welcoming party with John and Pjevs (I remember you telling me about him a few years ago) and Fister's mum 'Mrs Spot' and of course Barney, he will be there too. They will be so glad to have him with them although it's incredibly hard on you to be missing him now. But he isn't suffering and you made sure of that and it is the hardest but most loving thing you could do for him. Please give yourself a big hug and know that we are all thinking about you. Your apartment may feel empty but please know that you are not alone. Prayers and big hugs being sent your way.