I do believe a person will only loose weight when they are ready to do it, you can't make them,and it is a very hard thing to do, as we have to eat and food is always around us.
My friend just had a fairly new procedure, the gastric sleeve, you may want to look in to that, it is supposed to be safer and better than a bypass, so far she is doing well, i cannot wait to see her ,by the time i do, i bet i won't recognise her.

You really do have my utmost understanding and empathy and i wish you both well in your efforts.