so far so good...

I admit I feel guilty as I havenīt allowed myself to cry.. really really cry... Iīve always been a tough gal.. but it seems Iīve got stuff to settle and that has kept me for let it loose...

I have thought as if it he were on a trip... daydreaming, I know.. but it kinda feels that way sometimes.. it just canīt be real.. just not yet...

yesterday we were out with my mom to pay the house and some other stuff.. I wasnīt crying at the time but needed a tissue.. I asked my kid, who was on the back, if he saw any tissue box or something back there.. he said in such a calmed way : "no... just the one you gave me when my dad died"... needless to say I choked right there and now needed more tissues..

and later that night.. he was playing with the phone as if people were calling and he was taking the calls and such.. he picked up the phone.. talked a bit.. then handed it over to me saying: "youīve got a call.. itīs my dad calling you from heaven"... I broke down...

itīs really hard knowing he is not here and wonīt be anymore.. Iīve said it many many times.. but it really is.. itīs awful...

I really appreciate all your kind words and prayers..