I don't know what to do. I freaked out before I even left. I couldn't get out the door, I couldn't leave the house. I just started hyperventilating, throwing up, my head was just pounding. I was awake most of the night, that didn't help. My ambien didn't do anything to allow me to sleep.

I feel like such a wimp. I'm not a wimp, really I'm not. I just couldn't calm down. I kept getting racing thoughts in my brain and that was just it, it just incapacitated me.

I think part of it is also I miss just having someone here to lean on, just to be an emotional support. I just feel alone. I miss getting that hug, that kiss, before going out the door. If my ex wasn't good for much, he at least did that, lol.