I swear, this experience has truly made me extremely jaded and angry towards the field of veterinarian science or heathcare in general. So I went to the vet to go over my consultation and they made a mistake and accidently left of 7 weeks worth of chemo off the estimate. My mother thank God came with me because all I could do during the eniture estimate was cry. The price for the 6 month chemo protocol has gone up another $1500. This makes the chemo now more expensive than the radiation treatment I originally wanted to get - and the estimate does not include outside prescriptions and complications. I have decided that I will start her on the chemo on Wednesday (max out the ole credit cards), but I am going to watch her very carefully. If it comes to the point that I dont think she can handle the chemo, then I will switch her to palliative care -where I will most likely be forced to put her to sleep when the pain becomes to much. The only nice thing is that the vet said she would come to my house and do it if it comes to that, that way Sydney can be in her home with the ones who love her most. She would be placed next to her companion that died two years ago due to a neglectful veterinarian that gave him a powerful steriod when he was having liver problems, which put him into liver failure and he died. Luckily he only sufferred for a week. When I was younger I had wanted to become a vet so badily. I volunteered at a vet hospital and everything becuase I new I loved animals and I wanted to help them. While I was there this horrible family came in and asked that there cat be put down because his health issues (which were not that bad) were becoming annoying - and the vet did just that put this innocent baby to sleep. I remember leaving that vet office knowing that I could never ever be in this profession because I have too much heart. So I chose to study mental health counseling and work with people who need help working with grief issues - irony. Horrible thing is, when I become a mental health counselor, you help others but get paid nothing. Here I am choosing a profession because I want to help others but when it comes down to it, even if I had graduated from school and everything, I still would not have been able to afford both the chemo and radiation therapy that was needed to save sydney - totalling now at $12,000. You'll have to forgive me, I have had such a hard three weeks and I have dedicated every free moment of my time to help her. Everytime I felt that I made some progress I got shot down with some dissappointment. Last night was the first night I actually slept well because I thought everything was going to be just fine -and of course it is not. This is the first time in my life that i have given my all at something and then failed anyways. I am just really upset.
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