I'm at work today. Haven't had any crying fits, yet. Typed up the events of the fight and then what followed and sent it to my counselor. She can't see me for a while but I figured I'd better get her up to speed while it's all fresh in my mind. Also sent a copy to hubby, which he promptly dissed as crap, it just served to make him more angry. While I still love him very much, I spent some time this morning going over my last 3 years worth of calendars, as I track the fighting/drinking episodes. Way too many for the good of any relationship. I don't know which way to turn. He is supposed to be finding us a family counselor as per his conditions. Perhaps this can help us become one again, or allow me to finally see the light and end it. At this point I don't know what I want.