Hi, Denise!

Catty1 here - I passed 10 years of sobriety last October.

The length of time doesn't matter - cause just like I was born with brown eyes, I was also born with an inability to EVER drink alcohol normally(whatever that is! LOL) I am always one drink away from a drunk.

Best news - it is an illness. You are not bad trying to get good - you are sick wanting to get better. And you can!

The reason AA is mentioned by so many is that it is a way of learning to live without alcohol. There is a BIG difference between being dry(will power and white-knuckling) and being sober physically and emotionally.

It's a three-part illness:

1. Physical allergy - alcoholics lack an enzyme or two, and the way we metabolize alcohol sets up a craving. Craving is unique to us. "One is too many, a hundred isn't enough."

2. Mental obsession - the ill thinking tells us that one won't hurt, or we haven't had a drink in so long that we are okay now - any number of rationalizations that put us back where we were, and worse.

3. Spiritual illness. Interesting that alcohol is also called "spirits", isn't it? This was my higher power, it solved everything and ran my life - and was going to kill me from early death from illness or suicide. It certainly wasn't LIVING at the best of times. Just keep an open mind on this, go to meetings and hear how everyone has worked this out in their own individual way.

Alcoholism is a progressive and fatal illness. Only YOU can decide if you have alcoholism.

Here's how I decided:

"If, when you honestly want to, you find you cannot quit entirely, or if, when drinking, you have little control over the amount you take, you are probably alcoholic."

Even though I was BORED with it, I still kept starting up again.

I hope neither you nor anyone else here thinks my sharing is in bad taste.

Denise, feel free to PM me, okay?

hugs hugs hugs
Catty1

PS: AA is a 12 Step program - and you have taken Step 1 already! "We admitted we were powerless over alcohol - that our lives had become unmanageable." If this fits you - welcome to the club!