Your living my old life, I was a step-Mother to 2 for 18 years, a son and daughter. I also had a husband/father that did little to nothing, because of his guilt of the divorce and the few years his children lived with their mother and her new drug dealer of a husband. Somehow he thought it was his fault, for not knowing, that this man, was a big dealer, till after a few years of them living with him.

So I became the hard step-Mother, my husband the softy!! There was a lot of fights/anger with my 2, for a few years. But I would not give in on what I believed was right, for them to grow up to be the adults they should be. And finally after a awhile, when my husband saw the signs that, my way was working, he slowly came around, to realized that being firm with children, didn't mean, that they would love him any less. Sense in the end, his daughter and I became closer, then she ever has been with him............And I was the Meany for years.

But even as the mean old step-mother, I always told them I loved them, even when I sent them to their room and I wanted to kill them. I believed they needed to know, even in the heat of a fight, my love for them stayed the same.......Strong.

Don't give in. Once you give in, once, she will expect it again and again. If you show her, that your values/beliefs can be compromised, just so she will talk to you, or whatever, What have you just taught her??

Second, What I ended up having to do, is put a lot of things on my husband, even if he didn't have the time. Yes he got upset with me. We fought over it. But as I told him, they are your children too and if you can't help me with the problems, where we work together, as parents, then I'm turning the problem over to you and walking away. A few weeks of that and he decided to find a compromise with me.

As for the not talking to you and the evil looks. grunts etc. I know they hurt and you hate it. It makes day to day life a strain. But don't let it get to you, if you can. No mother died of evil looks or of quiet rides in a car, slammed doors etc. It will pass, if you stay strong.

Your goal as a parent is not to be their friend, even though it's would be nice. Our goal is to raise them to be adults, that we can be proud of. You have to think long term. Short term, she might hate you and make life he#, for awhile. Long term, you stick to your guns and fingers crossed, you will have a young woman, you can be proud to say, you raised.

My step-son, now has a wonderfully home in Tenn, owns his own Biz and has 2 perfect children.
My step-Daughter, is now living in Kentucky, runs a store up there as well as helps out at the children's hospital and is married to a great guy.

Two children that I am PROUD to say I raised. So all those years of crying, fighting, slamming doors and even a run away, or two, was worth it......in the long run.

So my advice to you, is think long term, stay strong and don't give in. But in all that's going on, don't forget to tell her you love her, even when she giving you those looks of "I hate you"