Struggling

**ILoveMyAbbyGirl** · 10-30-2006, 10:24 AM

This past week has been rough, to say the least.

Butch is having trouble again. Long story short, his ****** wife and his even *****er step daughter have gotten to him. Stepdaughter crashed her very nice car into a $60k Cadillac, and b!tchy wife agreed to buy her a new, $14k car.

They do not have the money to pay for the car and the sky-rocketing insurance, therefore Butch has to sell his camper (he has one in the campground we camp in, he loves it a lot and finally got it paid off, now he has to sell it to pay for this stupid car...) and maybe even sell the snowcone stand. To make matters worse, ***** wife lied to Butch about how much the car cost. She told him it was $10k, and he was being a nice husband-stepdad and agreed to help pay for it, but turns out it was actually $14k. He might be getting divorced, and I just feel sooo bad for him.

Top it off with a huge fight with my mother Saturday night. She isn't really talking to me anymore. She tried to get me to give her the rest of her money so she could go out. When I said no, she got mad. She thinks I don't love her anymore because "all I do is fight" with her. She's not talking to me. Whatever, I don't care anymore. Her loss, not mine. She's got John to take care of her.

Today I found out that I got second chair in band. I've had first chair since my sophomore year, and I'm a senior now. This kid I'm actually friends with beat me, but he just INSISTS on making MISERABLE about it. He knows how much it means to me to make first chair... I feel like I have something to live up to, you know? I've had first chair the last two years... what is my dad going to say? And to make matters worse, my teacher told us to switch spots and the whole band gasps and goes, "Oooh..."... I just hate being ridiculed. I was stopped in the hallway once already today by some friend of mine and she was like, "MEGAN! How could you let that happen?! Jeez!" and walked away. It's like, thanks. As if I'm not upset enough over this?

Oh there's more.

Max. This kid that used to work with me. He's a good friend, and apparently he told Butch that he wanted to ask me out. He hung out with me a lot over the summer when I worked at the Rainbow Snow. Well... we were texting each other a lot last night and it turns out he thought I liked him, but recently I haven't been "looking at him" the same... He wants to hang out at my house sometime... He actually said he'd love to hang out with me, it just seems like I never want to. Truth is, he's really... crazy. He talks about killing his ex-girlfriend all the time. In all honesty, why would I want to put myself in that position? Why would I want to make myself vulnerable to his crazy ex-girlfriend... and I would be afraid to ever break up with Max for fear he'd kill me!!

And my friends want me to go to a party with them this weekend. I really want to go. They all drink and stuff and I really don't want to drink, but I'd like to go, just to get a taste of the atmosphere and stuff. They think they have convinced me to drink, when in reality, I don't want to drink at all. This whole party is going to be celebrating my sudden intrest in drinking, when really I don't want to drink at all. There was a bit of a misunderstanding I think. The thing is, I will want to go HOME after this party, but everyone will want me to stay into the wee hours of the morning, and I can't drive past midnight with my license. And I just don't want to stay there... I don't know. I guess what I'm confused with is whether or not I want to go. I want to go because I NEED to get out and meet people and stuff... but I just don't know.

Thanks for listening. That's the end of my completely long, boring, useless rant. Butch is calling me later and he's going to get the whoolllleee thing too, lol. He doesn't care, he's always there to listen to me complain.

Signed,

Sad and Confused.

**Pawsitive Thinking** · 10-30-2006, 10:31 AM

Have a hug {{{{HUG}}}}

**moosmom** · 10-30-2006, 10:40 AM

ILoveMyAbbyGirl,

Do what's in your heart. If you don't want to drink, then DON'T. Don't allow your friends to pressure you into it either. As far as staying out past your curfew with your license, remember that if you do, there will be consequences. You've gotta do what's right for you!! Going against what you believe in just to keep up with your friends isn't right. I hope you'll make the right decision.

Good luck, honey!!

**trayi52** · 10-30-2006, 10:49 AM

Megan, do what you know is right in your heart. Don't let your friends pressure you into doing what you know is wrong, okay?

Hugs,
Willie

**Cataholic** · 10-30-2006, 11:55 AM

I have said it before, you have been handed so much crap in your life. It really isn't fair. That you continue to carry on, with a lot of strenght and spirit is amazing.

As for the drinking/party thing? Frankly, I would stay home. It is so not fun to keep telling people "no, really, I don't want to drink, or taste", and "when are we leaving...". I would stay home with a good book, a tasty snack, and a huge bottle of orange soda (my personal fave).

**Sevaede** · 10-30-2006, 12:44 PM

Maybe you should cut ties with the people who are causing this emotional turmoil.

Lay it down for people. They're going to keep harrassing you, picking at you, about things because they feel that they can ease you into a "yes" position. Tell them "NO and that's that."

**ILoveMyAbbyGirl** · 10-30-2006, 03:54 PM

(Sorry about the language Karen! I was upset and I was typing it all really fast cuz I was at school. I didn't have time to go back and fix it once I reread it.

)

That's just the thing. I don't want to drink, I just want to go to this party and meet people and have fun. I was really shy my whole life up until a few years ago and I kinda just want to let go and have fun and finally be able to talk to people.

Mom still hasn't spoken to me. She'll be real happy to find out that I'm staying at dad's tonight cuz he's making my favorite, grilled cheese.

Also found out that Nate, the kid who beat me for first chair, was doing quite a bit of boasting after I left.

I've beaten him two years in a row and never ONCE made a rude comment or a snappy remark about it. NEVER. Why does that make it okay for him to be a jerk to me?

I don't know what to do anymore. I hope Butch at least calls tonight so I can get his opinion on the Max thing and the party deal... THEN I'm getting my fleece blanket, my book and some water. (No pop for me! I'm dieting.

)

Speaking of dieting, I think I'm doing well! I don't have a scale around because the one at my mom's is broke and well, my dad... finds no need in a scale.

But I was at my grandma's the other day and my grandma asked if I had lost weight and then my grandpa said, "I was going to say the same thing, a lonngg time ago, but I never did." So yay! I really want to weigh myself, lol.

Ooh, and my book. It's called Running With Scissors by... Augusten Barrough or something? It's quite good so far, it's an autobiography. It's very funny and a little strange, but it's coming out in theaters soon so I wanted to read it before I see the movie.

Thanks for the encouragement, everyone. I still don't know what I'm going to do about the party...

**Sevaede** · 10-30-2006, 04:41 PM

Just don't go. If they can't respect your decisions, wants, and needs, then do you really want those types of people around you?

**Vela** · 10-30-2006, 05:13 PM

I was just wondering if you are seeing a counselor?? If you aren't I think it would be good for you. After reading some of this, I am very concerned for you.

**Cataholic** · 10-31-2006, 08:09 AM

Originally Posted by ILoveMyAbbyGirl

Also found out that Nate, the kid who beat me for first chair, was doing quite a bit of boasting after I left.

I've beaten him two years in a row and never ONCE made a rude comment or a snappy remark about it. NEVER. Why does that make it okay for him to be a jerk to me?

Oh, that one is SO easy to answer. You are twice the person this Nate character is: you have class, composure and maturity.

**sasvermont** · 10-31-2006, 08:23 AM

Gosh, life can be difficult, at best. Hang in there.

My advice to young and old alike (and to myself mostly) is to always try to take the high road when making decisions. In other words, the road that is most sensible, courageous, important, intelligent, mature and in the end, the most rewarding. To go to a party and not drink is commendable. I do drink, but often turn down drinks when I think I have had enough or if I think the evening will turn out to be a mess.... i.e. drinking too much, etc.

When it comes to making snide remarks, the high road works again. I confess to missing the exit sign for the high road, from time to time.

There are so many decision made in life, that if one just sat back and thought about the consequences, different decision may have been made.

Keep you chin up, your nose high in the air, you grades up in school, sit in whatever chair was assigned to you and do it with pride. Now you know how the folks in the back feel! Being second chair to them would be wonderful.

Life is short my dear, play hard and play fair. You will win in the end, for sure! I promise.

P. S. Peer pressure is incredible at this point in your life. It takes an immense amount of energy on your behalf and trust in yourself, to say no to things you know will not be good for you. Please, please don't give in to the peer pressure. Be cool, be different than the others, dare to be different and ABOVE all the so called cool stuff. Start a new trend of not drinking. Actually, I think you need to seek out friends who don't give in to peer pressure in the negative sense. Be selective. Enjoy the things life has to offer and be above all the crappy things. You have plenty of time in your life, to have a few beers etc. You are way, way to young my dear. Way too young. Wait until you are a young adult. Really.

You want to come live with me? I will be you mom. Hehehehehehhehehe.

**shais_mom** · 10-31-2006, 12:21 PM

I'm sorry but I am so stinkin' disturbed by your post.
I can't take it anymore and then I checked out your myspace with your boobs hanging out and your pants unbuttoned. What the heck are you trying to attract?
you blatantly state right there on your myspace that you are desperately in love with a 42 year old man. I think you are on a path of something not good. I am not saying this guy isn't a good guy but you are opening yourself up for God knows what. Altho I think it is more disturbing that this guy is confiding in you about his marriage, family, and probably sex life.
The ick factor just went over the top.

Vela I was just wondering if you are seeing a counselor?? If you aren't I think it would be good for you. After reading some of this, I am very concerned for you.

definately - you need to RUN not WALK to a counselor and get your life sorted out.

**Cataholic** · 10-31-2006, 01:44 PM

I am deleting my original post for my own reasons.

**shais_mom** · 10-31-2006, 01:52 PM

And I also think that if that other kid beat you out of first chair - then maybe you should talk to your teacher and ask what it is that you have done. With all that is going on in your life maybe your performance has decreased. THAT SAID- I AM NOT CONDONING THAT KID'S BEHAIVOR ONE BIT. That isn't a friend. I don't think the teacher would give him first chair just b/c.

**ILoveMyAbbyGirl** · 10-31-2006, 01:57 PM

i''ve dug myself a hole here, i see? (pardon my typing, i just got back from the eye doctor and my eyes are dilated and I can't see ANYTHING! i was sitting very close to the screen to be able to read these posts.)

Okay... where do I start?

with an apology, first off. The pictures I supposed I can't apologize for, but loving that guy... it's more of a father-daughter relationship than anything. Please guys, belieive me when I say I have a head on my shoulders and I know what and what not to get into. We are strictly friends, both of us know better. I swear. I wouldn't lie to you guys about anything. Pet TAlk is my second home, and often my frist when I've got no mother around. I've waited a long time to get the respect i had and now I feel like I've completely blown it.

(really really cant see, lol(

You guys, I'm sorry. I hope I can sort of regain your trust in me again... The pictures, that's just what gets worn these days and I know it's not an excuse. To be honest, I'm not on myspace all that frequently and don't change my pictures often. The pictures are a mistake, I know. I screwed up, that's for sure. BUt you ahve to sort of see it my way, it doesn't seem as bad to me adn my friends my age, because that's just.. what it is. The older generation doesn't see it as we do but I'm still profusely sorry.

bottom line, I know better. the pictures were a huge mistake.

im sorry?