Kids who don't have responsibilities...

[kuhio98]

I saw a psychiatrist once on Oprah (I think). She said that people are often surprised to hear that she has very few patients who complained of having an awful childhood because they were poor and didn't have "things". The majority of her patients were people who had lots of stuff, things and toys. But no parental guidance. No one to tell them no. No one to teach them how to be accountable for their own actions. No one who loved them enough to stand by and watch them fail at something. So that they could learn how to pick themselves up and try again.

[Giselle]

Now this is interesting because I am one of these kids without responsibilities. Yep, I'm saying it loud and clear. However, I believe the majority of you are disappointed in "children" who lack maturity, not necessarily the material possessions. Allow me to explain...

I don't have many responsibilities besides taking care of the animals and schoolwork. Besides, if I cannot/do not fulfill my duties on any given day, my mother willingly picks up the slack. However, I consider myself a rather precocious kid and I understand that these luxuries will eventually fade. As the child of two immigrants, I know what labor is. I know what poverty is. I know that these luxuries will fade the minute I step out the door to attend college. So should I be envied/disliked because I don't handwash the dishes or do the laundry or sweep the floor? Should I be considered spoiled because my parents do not ask me to do daily chores?

I don't think so. My parents have a very uncommon method of raising their children: Until I attend college, school should be the ONLY concern in my life. Thus, maintaining high grades and performing community service are my only responsibilities. As long as I bring home good grades and keep my mind on college, my parents pay for everything and execute all the household chores. However, I don't believe this makes me spoiled. On the contrary, I have as much/more responsibilites than many other children with mundane chores like cleaning their room. Though my tasks are more abstract than physical chores, I don't believe I am spoiled and I certainly don't complain about having a "tough" life. I am mature enough to realize all the labor that one must undergo to earn a meager paycheck. You simply cannot judge a child because he or she happens to have the fortune of wealth and doting parents It is not material possesssions that you people are peeved at. It is the child's maturity, or lack thereof, that creates so much annoyance. And if we are talking about maturity, you cannot blame children without responsibilities for the source of so much naïvete. Maturity is not something that can be driven into a person simply through the acquirement of a job.

I don't believe it is necessary to brand all kids irresponsible if they are not given physical/monetary jobs. I must agree with PCB with the belief that everyone has unique responsibilities. It is not fair to label all children without chores as irresponsible complainers.

I have a job. My job is to land myself at an EXCELLENT college and secure myself a strong future. My job is not to attend school but to understand it and EXCELL at it. In some respects, I must admit that my job is every bit as hard as any adult's.

Just a "spoiled" kid's opinion

[Kfamr]

Please show me where anyone in this thread labeled all children without chores as irresponsible complainers. I think both you and PCB read far too much into what I said and missed my point.

The kids I am talking about do not go to school, do not have chores, do not have monetary jobs. They smooch off of their parents and then complain if they don't get what they want, when they want it, or how they want it.

As I said, if they are going to school and excelling just find - that wouldn't be a problem. But, as long as they are out of school I believe they should have a job of some sort - wether it be around the house or in a workplace.
The way a majority of them live isn't building anything for their future.

[caseysmom]

I think it is more the attitude of the kids that people find annoying and you definetely have a good attitude giselle.

I met you and never thought of you as spoiled. I feel the same my daughter takes honors classes, sports and does community service. That is her main concentration, I am fine with that. My other daughter lets her grades slack, is a slob and has an attitude...I don't like that.

[sammy101]

I totally agree with you Kay.
I'm of working age but i can't get a job, simply because i'm a canadian citizen living in the U.S. If i could get a job,i would love to work. Right now my job at home is the yard. I mow it weekly and my parents give my my allowance just to do it. I help clean the house, do dishes, take care of the dogs and Jerry, and i help out with everything that i can.

[Bengalz]

Kay,

This is a very relevant topic of discussion and I think you make your point - very well. I respect and admire you, who at your age, have matured and have solid values (a tribute to your parents and the way they brought you up ).

I grew up in a modest home and both my parents worked hard to make it a good home for my brother and I. We had what we needed and earned what we wanted. The difference is to understand and respect that no one owes you anything.

I have held a job since I was old enough to work - 16. I worked my way through university and bought my own car, financed my own trip to Europe at the age of 18, etc. My husband and I reside in an affluent neighbourhood and have a beautiful home today. We have worked together for many years to acquire this. My point: we both grew up with the right values and sense of responsibility that was endowed upon us by our parents. That is the greatest gift one can give a child - a sense of self worth and capability. I think Glacier has described this extremely well in her post - thank you Tamara.

Your frustration with your peers is understandable but shouldn't cloud your own judgement in any way. If there is anything that you can do to influence them into helping themselves by setting an example, all credit to you. Just always remember you are not responsible for another's shortcomings and don't let their problems get you down. You've got the formula girl and you are doing so well. You will always be successful because you know the difference.

Keep on keeping on and go hug your Mom and Dad for helping you to be the wonderful person you are

Betty

[Pembroke_Corgi]

I personally don't know anyone who doesn't have to do anything and then complains...maybe it's a Florida thing. In Iowa, where I spent most of my life, hard work is definately valued and I've never been rich enough to KNOW anyone like that.

I think most people are saying there should be a happy medium, and I agree. My father was extremely strict and my brother and I grew up pretty unhappy living with him. I think parents need expectations for their children, but not perfection. Until my parents divorced, I grew up the OPPOSITE way and I have to say it was just as bad.

[Giselle]

Oh I know nobody said those words explicitly but many posters coupled "complain" and "kids without resonsibilities" together so I just took it from there I do get your point, though, Kay, and my second cousin is actually one of these moochers. Personally, I think it all lies with the parent. Teach them morals and thou shalt not mooch (haha). And thanks, caseysmom

Children need guidance, even when they're 18 years old and legal. They need to learn that we don't live in a give-nothing-receive-everything society. They need guidance to show them that in order to receive, you must give. And oftentimes, you'll need to give a whole lot before you receive something back. I see a lot of young toddlers who don't understand this and they grow into young adults who still can't comprehend this simple "rule".

NILIF, anybody?

[Maya & Inka's mommy]

I'd like to react too. I am a parent of two kids, 17 and 21.
In my opinion, it is the parents duty to learn their kids about responsabilities in life! My husband ears good money, so in fact it would be easy to pamper our kids and let them have anything they want!
BUT, Not in our household!! Jo wanted a car? He had to save for it and pay for his insurance! Indra's MP3 was broken? She bought one with her saved pocketmoney! We also don't give them much pocketmoney; when I hear how much some kids get...... !!
My son is now 21 and is working already. He pays for everything concerning his car, and most of his clothes! It is only the food he doesn't have to pay for.
Our daughter is 17, and still studying. She has a weekendjob now, waitressing on sundays; she uses some of her money for clothes or cd's, but most of it go to her savings account.
I don't know if we are good parents, but at least our kids know they get nothing just like that, and also that they cannot take anything for granted

[CathyBogart]

*Chuckles* I guess I'm pretty "spoiled" in some senses....I don't live at home, yet my parents pay me enough money each month to live in my apartment, pay my bills, and have a little left over. They also pay some of my bills for me (car insurance, cell phone) and pay for school. I'd never complain about anything I have, I am so lucky right now. This is how it will be until I graduate (in 2 years)

I know what you mean though....one girl I know whined when her parents bought her a brand-new SUV, because it was the wrong color! My own sister started griping when she had to pay for her own gas, nevemind that my parents spent $4k on a car for her to drive. It makes me so ANRGY. She's so ungrateful sometimes...

[Muddy4paws]

I work full time tuesday to saturday 9 til 5 and sometimes over.

I have worked full time in 2 jobs since school, The first job I left because I basically scammed out by the boss apart from that I work for things I buy.

Im 18 live with my parents and they still do need to buy me some things occasionally, Im training to be a groomer and the wages really are no good at all so I dont pay rent or put towards my dogs medical care or food because I really cant afford to. I buy my own clothes and other things that I need but even them I need to save up weeks before to do so. I know its not expected of me but Im always here to babysit whenever all I ask is for a bit or warning as of when and even then they offer to pay me money?!

I wouldnt take money from them for doing something like that, eventhough my boyfriend thinks Im dumb not to .

[Blue_Frog]

CathyBogart Today 05:08 AM Said:
I know what you mean though....one girl I know whined when her parents bought her a brand-new SUV, because it was the wrong color!

Blue_Frog Yesterday 04:47 PM Said:
I remember 2 girls at my highschool talking (i was walking behind them), and hearing one complaining that daddy bought her the wrong coloured porsche for her birthday.

*lol* -- Seriously, what is it with people complaining about being given a car of the wrong colour! If someone handed me the keys to a brand-spanking new vechicle, the LAST thing i'd ever do is complain! I loved my old clunker Sunfire that I bought myself, up until the time it got crushed between transport trucks on the 401 one morning on the way to work. I miss that car!

[sumbirdy]

I'm 17, don't have a job, and my parents buy what i need (not what i want)
I'm not able to get a job because my mom has seizures and we only have one car which they need in case of emergencies with her. Dad could drive me except we live about 50 miles from anything and he doesn't have the money to take me back and forth everyday. But besides that i think that if you have a car and enough time to go shopping everyday with your parents money and buy everything you want then you have enough time to go out and get a job and earn it. It always feels better when you earn something you get instead of just getting it handed over to you. I guess i kind of earn what i get anyway because i take care of the animals (which is a big job with so many) and my nephew(who is 2 months old). My parents aren't able to do that on a regular bases so they need me for that. I think all the teens should appreciate what they have instead of complaining about everything they don't.

[Miss Z]

It is becoming a worry that kids are becoming lazier, more arrogant, less educated and more overweight, and it is a serious issue. At 14 and not yet old enough to be on minimum wage, of course my parents still provide for me. Heck, they spend over £7000 a year on my education, never mind everything else I must sap from them. I am truly grateful for what I get from my parents.

Yes, they do buy me expensive gifts too, such as designer wear and accessories, I'll admit, and whilst I do like having these things I don't EXPECT my parents to buy that kind of stuff for me when I snap my fingers. At my school, there are some VERY rich kids who do practically nothing at home nor make a great deal of effort in lessons, but have the latest phones and iPods and everything else. All I can say is they'll have a nasty shock when they learn that money is not everlasting.

[Catlady711]

I think it all boils down to: Entitlement and Accountability.

It doesn't matter if someone's parents buy a young child a bicycle for say $50 or an older teen a car for say $12,000. Either way if the child is not taught to appreciate the gift, realize it's a gift and not ENTITLEMENT, and does not accept that they are ACCOUNTABLE for their actions of responsibility for and care of the item, whether it's a car or a bike, it's still a lack of the parents doing their jobs. Let alone the fact there is a huge difference between WANT and NEED that is frequently not recognized today. You may NEED warm clothing for winter, but having the latest fashion is a WANT.

Seems with what I see day in and day out around here, that more and more often parents are not 'raising' their children, but:

1) buying themselves some down time (ie. here go play with this and leave me alone)

2) trying way too hard to be their childs' friend (ie. I got this for you to prove how much I love you)

3) thinking they can protect their children from every bad thing/feeling in the world (ie. here's the latest play station 14 and 100 games, I don't ever want you to feel like you're not part of the 'in' crowd')


I think too many children, and their parents too, have a sense of ENTITLEMENT about everything. Think about it, that is why there's so many lawsuits over dumb stuff? People not only don't think they need to be responsible for anything, but also that somehow the world OWES them something.

It's an age old problem that just gets worse every year. And it's certainly not helping when our politicians and governments allow laws and regulations that help people not be accountable and allow them to sue for things that at one time would have been thrown out before it ever hit the courtrooms....

caution coffee may be hot
do not use hairdryer while sleeping or bathing
if someone breaks into your house and gets injured, you are liable
caution drinking alcoholic beverages can impair your ability to drive
if starbucks won't take your coupon you can sue for millions
you are not liable for your own actions
etc, etc.

As long as society, and our courts, are allowing things like this to happen, it just lends to their sense of ENTITLEMENT and those adults in turn train their children that 'this is how life works'. And with the media making such a big fuss with publicity over these things, people think that not only are they not responsible for their own actions, but if they do something stupid they can get millions and be on the front page of every newspaper in the country!

I agree that parents need to 'raise' their children, but at the same time, if adults are allowed to not be accountable then why would they train their children to do so?