What to do about a crazy inlaw?

[catnapper]

I am seriously ready to unleash a huge can off Whoop on my sister in law. She is seriously crazy. Seriously. We all know it and work around it. Her mental status helps me keep a little patience, but there are times I want to shake her and tell her to stay out of our lives!

She buys the kids affections - they're all adults now, but they haven't quite figured out that Cindy's "gifts" are anything but. She'll give expensive gifts, and then hold it over the recipients' head. She basically bankrolled my son for the past 3 years while he lived jobless. It took him til this year to realize the strings attached to the bankroll were actually strangling him. We repeatedly told her to stop giving him rent and gas money but she continued.... because she wanted him to be tied to her. She single-handedly held him back from growing up and learning how to be an adult on his own. He's 24 years old and still has never held a job for more than 3 months. Why should he when Cindy will give him all the money he wants? She was giving him THOUSANDS every month (she is well off)

Now, she's manipulating Ashley. She bought Ashley's wedding dress. Nice gift, right? Sure! But now because she bought the dress, she thinks she can dictate everything about the wedding. One good thing about Ashley is she has her own mind and will do what she wants and how she wants. BUT Cindy's got her convinced that she HAS to invite her mom to the wedding. My husband is as mad as I've ever seen him. His ex-wife has not seen Ash is over 10 years. Not sent any cards nor gifts. No calls. No contact. And now Cindy thinks its "the right thing to do". How is it right? The woman ABANDONED Ashley and her siblings almost 20 years ago. She pretended to see them for a few years, but decided not to bother over 10 years ago.

Ashley has told us over the years she has no interest in her mom. My son has been in contact with his mother, but Ashley has made it known she disagrees with his interest in mommy dearest. But Ashley is relenting on the wedding invitation because Cindy is guilting her. I'm ready to just write a check for the dress and give it to Cindy and tell her to get out of my life! Who cares if I miss this month's mortgae? It'll be worth it to get Cindy gone! Ugh!

Ok, I feel much better now that I got that off my chest.

[moosmom]

Boy, and I thought I had problems cuz I haven't picked out a MOB dress.

Tell the biatch thank you very much, but this is Ashley's day and what Ashley wants, she gets. Just because this @$$hat opens her checkbook does NOT mean it gives her the right to dictate how this wedding will play out.

My brother (my only living sibling) hasn't seen my daughter since she was 10. She's now 34. My daughter made it VERY clear that he hasn't bothered with her (same scenario, no phone call, no card, NOTHING) in so long, she told me flat out that he is NOT welcome and will NOT be getting an invitation. It bothered me a little bit, but it's her wedding. She has allowed me to have a table full of my close friends and their sig others. That's all the family I need!!! They've been there for me through thick and thin. My best friend Susie will be there, and her daughter is in the wedding party.

I hope Ashley can see through this facade and tell that whackadoodle to close her checkbook and GET OUT!!!!!

I say let her pay for everything and NOT invite her. That'll serve her right!!

[catnapper]

Thanks Donna. You should have seen Ashley's fiance's reaction.... explosion! I knew I adored this boy! He even came into my work to day to talk about it! He is furious with cindy and said there's absolutely NO WAY Ashley's mom is invited.

[sana]

EEssshh!!!! I am so angry, even reading this makes me angry! I am already in a bad mood, you s-i-l (sis in law and sickheaded in law is better ) Can't she keep her thoughts to herself, tell Ashley that, if she doesn't care about her mom, then why invite her, try telling her that it will anger her father and that it is better she spends a good time at her wedding instead of worrying about what her ex-mom could say or do something to her, she could disturb her by saying somethings she could get upset about, she could do something like, if the ex-mom got angry, if she saw Ash's dad, or remembered the past, she could go over and do something bad to Ashley, like maybe spoil her dress, or embarrass her. Ashley could get upset about the wedding day if ex-momma did something bad, if Ashley thinks she'll do nothing wrong, tell her not to keep her hopes high about the wedding day then, it can turn out topsy-turvy, it could make you angry too, try convincing her about NOT calling her. About you son...I can't say anything, because what I'd do, would not be expected to be done by other moms. I'd fry him up and eat him! I'd explain him what he should do like stay away from these type of people and if he doesn't, I'd officially, and tell everybody in my family in front of him, that I do NOT accept him as my son and that he should find his own living and that he does not belong to me. He'd probably come back and say sorry, it isn't common in my family that children go away from home after becoming old, they live with their mom and dads even after the marriage. The in laws are usually very nice. This usually happens where I live. The children usually respect and obey their parents.

[moosmom]

Kim,

I'm glad he saw through this. Hopefully he'll put his foot down and Ashley will listen to him.

[Laura's Babies]

So many people use money to control other people... It is a control issue with that SIL.. NOTHING is free....everything has a price tage attached... even "free money"...

[catnapper]

Ashley most definitely does not want her mother there. She wants nothing to do with the woman who adbandoned her. Trust me, Ashley speaks her mind better than anyone I know. I know she has no intent on ever speaking to her mom ever again. She is also ticked that Cindy expects her to invite the "incubation unit"

I also am well aware that their wedding is THEIR wedding. We're prepared to sit back and help only when asked for help, and speak only when asked for an opinion. Hubby was asked to help with the photographer, and I'm in charge of the centerpieces (oh the power --- bwahahahaha!)

Cindy is trying to convince Ash that Mommy Dearest (MD for short) NEEDS to be invited. I have no idea why, and hubby feels like he was just sucker punched. This is so typical of a Cindy Power Play. Cindy gets these ideas in her head and she dopes whatever she needs to do in order to get what she wants. Take for example, Cindy claimed MD NEEDED to be here when hubby's mom died 10 years ago. She PAID MD to come and be at hubby's mom's side as she passed (the women hadn't seen each other for 10 years, and mother in law hated MD for what she did to hubby and the kids) Hubby never got to see his mom on the last two days she lived, because he didn't want to come across MD at such an emotionally charged time. Even when MD was in town to see her ex mother-in-law's final days, she still had no interest in Ash. She was IN TOWN, and never called to see the girls (though she did ask for my step son)

Cindy's not happy unless she's manipulating someone somehow. Since my son is no longer under her control, she's trying to play with Ash. She knows better than to play with the youngest because she never accepts any gifts. Smart kid.

I have to say, I am well aware the kids are all grown and need to say no thank you to her gifts. I myself find it hard to say it to her. She's crazy. Litterally, clinically, should-be-hospitalized-crazy. She has more suicide attempts than anyone I know. Nobody denies her gifts for fear that their denial will be the reason she attempts another suicide. Sad but true.

[Karen]

It is sad situation, but I am glad that Ashley and her fiance are standing their ground.

[caseysmom]

Well it sounds like she wouldn't come anyway.

[Asiel]

Quote------Hmmm - well I was going to keep my mouth shut (for a change) on this one, but I see that Asiel has the guts to speak up with an opposing opinion, so guess I will too. Maybe it's that she and I are truly among the older folks here, and have had a chance to mellow more in our old age, and view things somewhat differently than the "less senior" folks. So for what it's worth - here goes.--Quote------


Am I imagining things or am I being called old here ? We'll be considered old only after we reach the halfway mark POM

[Marigold2]

Most families have someone in their life that causes pain. I know I do and what I have done is to just cut ties. The back and forth the crazyness is just too harmful to me and I stopped seeing this person 15 years ago.
They have their own demons for sure, something happened to them in their life to make them this way, many things in fact.
But there comes a time when you have to move away to save yourself and I did that.
Not having the love and support of a parent is always tough and extremely painful BUT having a parent continue to do harm to you and your family is worst.
Wishing you the best of luck. Enjoy the wedding and look to the future not the past.

[Medusa]

I also am well aware that their wedding is THEIR wedding. We're prepared to sit back and help only when asked for help, and speak only when asked for an opinion.

Thank you for saying that. As a mother of a son, I'm always dismayed when I hear someone say that this is the bride's day, as though the groom doesn't count a whit. Ashley is perfectly capable of making her own decisions as is her fiance'. Regarding the situation w/Cindy, I would ask myself "What is my payoff for putting up w/this?" There's got to be one; otherwise you wouldn't continue to allow it.

[Catty1]

I'm with pomtzu on this. Her suicide attempts help her get her way, and she knows it.

Maybe a wedding is not the time, but she has a choice in her actions. So do you.

What are the laws in your state on involuntary commitment for mental assessment?

Glad you are sitting back on this one. Hope after the wedding the family can make some decisions.

[pomtzu]

Try a different approach. The next time she wants to buy you or the kids something - tell her that you would just prefer a donation in your name to a favorite charity. Perhaps a Humane Society or rescue group, a church, a mental health facility!!! If she does actually buy something and dump it on you, then just tell her you are going to auction it on eBay and donate the money to a charity. That way you aren't refusing anything and don't have to feel guilty or responsible for any of her actions.

[gini]

Regarding the situation w/Cindy, I would ask myself "What is my payoff for putting up w/this?" There's got to be one; otherwise you wouldn't continue to allow it.

Read this again - slowly - several times. Why? Because it is absolutely correct and true.

No one wants to be mean about your situation -but you have to decide if you just want to tell us about it - or do you really want to do something about it so you can stop all of the nonsense.

There are toxic people in life - and you need to get rid of yours!!
I wish you great good luck and success here. It isn't easy to walk on egg shells - so stop!!