Struggling

[ILoveMyAbbyGirl]

This past week has been rough, to say the least.

Butch is having trouble again. Long story short, his ****** wife and his even *****er step daughter have gotten to him. Stepdaughter crashed her very nice car into a $60k Cadillac, and b!tchy wife agreed to buy her a new, $14k car. They do not have the money to pay for the car and the sky-rocketing insurance, therefore Butch has to sell his camper (he has one in the campground we camp in, he loves it a lot and finally got it paid off, now he has to sell it to pay for this stupid car...) and maybe even sell the snowcone stand. To make matters worse, ***** wife lied to Butch about how much the car cost. She told him it was $10k, and he was being a nice husband-stepdad and agreed to help pay for it, but turns out it was actually $14k. He might be getting divorced, and I just feel sooo bad for him.

Top it off with a huge fight with my mother Saturday night. She isn't really talking to me anymore. She tried to get me to give her the rest of her money so she could go out. When I said no, she got mad. She thinks I don't love her anymore because "all I do is fight" with her. She's not talking to me. Whatever, I don't care anymore. Her loss, not mine. She's got John to take care of her.

Today I found out that I got second chair in band. I've had first chair since my sophomore year, and I'm a senior now. This kid I'm actually friends with beat me, but he just INSISTS on making MISERABLE about it. He knows how much it means to me to make first chair... I feel like I have something to live up to, you know? I've had first chair the last two years... what is my dad going to say? And to make matters worse, my teacher told us to switch spots and the whole band gasps and goes, "Oooh..."... I just hate being ridiculed. I was stopped in the hallway once already today by some friend of mine and she was like, "MEGAN! How could you let that happen?! Jeez!" and walked away. It's like, thanks. As if I'm not upset enough over this?

Oh there's more.

Max. This kid that used to work with me. He's a good friend, and apparently he told Butch that he wanted to ask me out. He hung out with me a lot over the summer when I worked at the Rainbow Snow. Well... we were texting each other a lot last night and it turns out he thought I liked him, but recently I haven't been "looking at him" the same... He wants to hang out at my house sometime... He actually said he'd love to hang out with me, it just seems like I never want to. Truth is, he's really... crazy. He talks about killing his ex-girlfriend all the time. In all honesty, why would I want to put myself in that position? Why would I want to make myself vulnerable to his crazy ex-girlfriend... and I would be afraid to ever break up with Max for fear he'd kill me!!

And my friends want me to go to a party with them this weekend. I really want to go. They all drink and stuff and I really don't want to drink, but I'd like to go, just to get a taste of the atmosphere and stuff. They think they have convinced me to drink, when in reality, I don't want to drink at all. This whole party is going to be celebrating my sudden intrest in drinking, when really I don't want to drink at all. There was a bit of a misunderstanding I think. The thing is, I will want to go HOME after this party, but everyone will want me to stay into the wee hours of the morning, and I can't drive past midnight with my license. And I just don't want to stay there... I don't know. I guess what I'm confused with is whether or not I want to go. I want to go because I NEED to get out and meet people and stuff... but I just don't know.

Thanks for listening. That's the end of my completely long, boring, useless rant. Butch is calling me later and he's going to get the whoolllleee thing too, lol. He doesn't care, he's always there to listen to me complain.

Signed,

Sad and Confused.

[Pawsitive Thinking]

Have a hug {{{{HUG}}}}

[moosmom]

ILoveMyAbbyGirl,

Do what's in your heart. If you don't want to drink, then DON'T. Don't allow your friends to pressure you into it either. As far as staying out past your curfew with your license, remember that if you do, there will be consequences. You've gotta do what's right for you!! Going against what you believe in just to keep up with your friends isn't right. I hope you'll make the right decision.

Good luck, honey!!

[trayi52]

Megan, do what you know is right in your heart. Don't let your friends pressure you into doing what you know is wrong, okay?

Hugs,
Willie

[Cataholic]

I have said it before, you have been handed so much crap in your life. It really isn't fair. That you continue to carry on, with a lot of strenght and spirit is amazing.

As for the drinking/party thing? Frankly, I would stay home. It is so not fun to keep telling people "no, really, I don't want to drink, or taste", and "when are we leaving...". I would stay home with a good book, a tasty snack, and a huge bottle of orange soda (my personal fave).

[Sevaede]

Maybe you should cut ties with the people who are causing this emotional turmoil.

Lay it down for people. They're going to keep harrassing you, picking at you, about things because they feel that they can ease you into a "yes" position. Tell them "NO and that's that."

[shais_mom]

I'm sorry but I am so stinkin' disturbed by your post.
I can't take it anymore and then I checked out your myspace with your boobs hanging out and your pants unbuttoned. What the heck are you trying to attract?
you blatantly state right there on your myspace that you are desperately in love with a 42 year old man. I think you are on a path of something not good. I am not saying this guy isn't a good guy but you are opening yourself up for God knows what. Altho I think it is more disturbing that this guy is confiding in you about his marriage, family, and probably sex life.
The ick factor just went over the top.

Vela I was just wondering if you are seeing a counselor?? If you aren't I think it would be good for you. After reading some of this, I am very concerned for you.

definately - you need to RUN not WALK to a counselor and get your life sorted out.

[Cataholic]

I am deleting my original post for my own reasons.

[shais_mom]

And I also think that if that other kid beat you out of first chair - then maybe you should talk to your teacher and ask what it is that you have done. With all that is going on in your life maybe your performance has decreased. THAT SAID- I AM NOT CONDONING THAT KID'S BEHAIVOR ONE BIT. That isn't a friend. I don't think the teacher would give him first chair just b/c.

[ILoveMyAbbyGirl]

i''ve dug myself a hole here, i see? (pardon my typing, i just got back from the eye doctor and my eyes are dilated and I can't see ANYTHING! i was sitting very close to the screen to be able to read these posts.)

Okay... where do I start?

with an apology, first off. The pictures I supposed I can't apologize for, but loving that guy... it's more of a father-daughter relationship than anything. Please guys, belieive me when I say I have a head on my shoulders and I know what and what not to get into. We are strictly friends, both of us know better. I swear. I wouldn't lie to you guys about anything. Pet TAlk is my second home, and often my frist when I've got no mother around. I've waited a long time to get the respect i had and now I feel like I've completely blown it.

(really really cant see, lol(

You guys, I'm sorry. I hope I can sort of regain your trust in me again... The pictures, that's just what gets worn these days and I know it's not an excuse. To be honest, I'm not on myspace all that frequently and don't change my pictures often. The pictures are a mistake, I know. I screwed up, that's for sure. BUt you ahve to sort of see it my way, it doesn't seem as bad to me adn my friends my age, because that's just.. what it is. The older generation doesn't see it as we do but I'm still profusely sorry.

bottom line, I know better. the pictures were a huge mistake.


im sorry?

[shais_mom]

yes I am older then you but hardly think of myself as "older generation"
yes I have prudish tendencies - I know that and I'm sorry.
I know the girls now a days wear VASTLY different clothes then when I was there 12 or so years ago. But I also remember one other time you posted pics of yourself someone told you to be careful b/c your breasts were hanging out and I see you didn't learn anything. That said I also agree/and know that your myspace is just that - YOUR SPACE. YOUR right- YOUR own to do with whatever you want. But if I am correct in remembering - your myspace page didn't say "I love a 42 year old man like a father" it said "I'm IN love with a 42 year old man"
But also know that the poem in your signature is also just as blatant as your myspace was.
The part that worries me is where you say "we both know better". That means one or the other has thought ______. You are 18 - you are age-wise an adult. That means there aren't any rules or laws that would be broken if anything happened.
I, for your sake, you DO have your head on straight, but I still think you are playing with fire. I wish you luck.....

[ILoveMyAbbyGirl]

IIIiii wish this never would have happened.

I DO have my head on straight. I know what I'm doing and when I said "we both know better", that's not really what I meant. Neither of us has thought of the other in that way, it's just a friendship. He's pretty much my boss too, I work for him most of the summer. Strictly friends, nothing more, I promise. Nothing has ever happened, nothing will.

I feel like I've disobeyed you all, or disappointed everyone. I'm so sorry you guys.

[JenBKR]

I getting in on this pretty late, just wanted to say that I am so sorry for everything that you are going through. I am so glad that you talked to your school counselor, and that it helped. If you wanted to go to see a counselor, your school counselor or doctor should be able to make some recommendations. Talking to someone completely out of the situation, someone who won't judge you, can honestly help...it has helped me a good bit. If you EVER need to talk, just PM me, I will always listen. ((((hugs))))

I know that Donna's comments hurt you, just wanted to point out this thread - I am sure that she is sorry for lashing out like that.