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Thread: May 5th, jokes from my uncle

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  1. #1

    May 5th, jokes from my uncle

    IDIOTS IN THE NEIGHBORHOOD:

    I live in a semi-rural area. We recently had a new neighbor call the local township administrative office to request the removal of the Deer Crossing sign on our road.

    The reason:

    "Too many deer are being hit by cars out here!
    I don't think this is a good place for them to be crossing anymore."

    From Kingman, KS.
    __________________________________________________ ____

    IDIOTS IN FOOD SERVICE:


    My daughter went to a local Taco Bell and ordered a taco. She asked the person behind the counter for "minimal lettuce." He said he was sorry, but they only had iceberg.

    He was a Chef?
    Yep ... From Kansas City!
    __________________________________________________ ____

    IDIOT SIGHTING:

    I was at the airport, checking in at the gate when an airport employee asked,!

    "Has anyone put anything in your baggage without your knowledge?

    To which I replied, "If it was without my knowledge, how would I know?"

    He smiled knowingly and nodded, "That's why we ask."


    Happened in Birmingham, Ala.
    __________________________________________________ ____

    IDIOT SIGHTING:

    The stoplight on the corner buzzes when its safe to cross the street.

    I was crossing with an intellectually challenged coworker of mine.

    She asked if I knew what the buzzer was for.

    I explained that it signals blind people when the light is red.

    Appalled, she responded, "What on earth are blind people doing driving?!"

    She was a probation officer in Wichita, KS
    __________________________________________________ ____

    IDIOT SIGHTING:

    At a good-bye luncheon for an old and dear coworker.

    She was leaving the company due to "downsizing."

    Our manager commented cheerfully, "This is fun. We should do this more often."

    Not another word was spoken.

    We all just looked at each other with that deer-in-the-headlights stare.

    This was a bunch at Texas Instruments.
    __________________________________________________ ____

    IDIOT SIGHTING:

    I work with an individual who plugged her power strip back into itself and for the sake of her own life, couldn't understand why her system would not turn on.

    A deputy with the Dallas County Sheriffs office no less.
    __________________________________________________ ____

    IDIOT SIGHTING:

    When my husband and I arrived at an automobile dealership to pick up our car, we were told the keys had been locked in it. We went to the service department and found a mechanic working feverishly to unlock the drivers side door. As I watched from the passenger side, I instinctively tried the door handle and discovered that it was unlocked. "Hey," I announced to the technician, "its open!"

    His reply, "I know - I already got that side."

    This was at the Ford dealership in Canton, Mississippi!
    __________________________________________________ ____

    STAY ALERT!

    They walk among us ... and they REPRODUCE

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Feb 2004
    Location
    Chicago area, Illinois, USA
    Posts
    1,586
    They walk among us ... and they REPRODUCE.
    Tee hee...the problem with the gene pool is that there's no life guard.

    Spoiled child, bad
    Spoiled cat, good

  3. #3
    Quote Originally Posted by AbbyMom
    Tee hee...the problem with the gene pool is that there's no life guard.

    So true hehe

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Nov 2002
    Location
    Westchester Cty, NY
    Posts
    8,738
    It could use some chlorine, too.
    I've been finally defrosted by cassiesmom!
    "Not my circus, not my monkeys!"-Polish proverb

  5. #5
    Join Date
    Apr 2006
    Location
    Binghamton, New York
    Posts
    5,986
    ha ha ha ha ha!! i ahve heard some of tose before and they never stop being funny!!!!
    Maggie,

    I didn't slap you, I just high fived your Face!
    I've Been Boo'd!!

  6. #6
    I get jokes every fri from my uncle.. however 50% of them I cannot post... But the ones I do are in decent taste

    So I'll try to post something every friday, if its clean of course...

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