Gifts and Culture

[popcornbird]

Just a random thread about gifts and cultural differences.

I was wondering...When someone presents you with a gift, how do you react? Do you thank them, open it in their presence, and thank them some more...OR, do you thank them and open it later on after they leave, and then send them a thank you card, or call them up to tell them how much you appreciate it?

The reason I ask is because I know this is something that differs in cultures. I know that in many countries in the East, it is considered impolite to open your gift in front of the person giving it. Why, I don't know, but I think it is that they believe the person would be able to TELL if you aren't too happy with the gift, and that would be hurtful to them. For example...if someone gives you something you are not particularly fond of, you may not react with the happiness that you should, and that might hurt the one giving the gift. So kids are taught to open after the person leaves, and send a thank you note later on.

Now, in America, it seems that its the total opposite!! When giving a gift to someone locally from here, they always open it in front of the person giving it to them, and tell them how much they love and appreciate it right then and there. I didn't know people did this until I was in 4th grade, and gave my teacher a gift one day. Until then, my parents had taught me it was impolite to open a gift in front of the one that gives it to you, unless the person asks you to open it. I must say I was surprised she opened it, but when she hugged me and I saw how happy she was, I was thrilled. It just gave me such a happy feeling that she loved it so much. Ever since that day, I notice this whenever I give gifts. When I give a gift to someone of an Eastern background, they won't open it. The average American would. What's considered polite in the East is considered impolite here. People raised locally in the US might wonder why the person ISN'T opening the gift, and would feel hurt.

Living in such a diverse society as California, where we have people of all races and cultures, this often leaves me confused. I don't know what I'm supposed to do for which person. I'm not sure who would expect me NOT to open the gift, and who would expect me to open it, and it leaves me confused as to what the right thing to do is. It just differs from person to person. I love opening gifts in front of the person giving it to me so they can see how much I love it, but what if that person isn't aware of this culture and thinks its improper? Its so confusing...LOL!

So...my point in this thread is...when you are presented with a gift, what do YOU do?

[Barbara]

Here you open the gift in front of the person who gave it. It would be impolite however to show anything other than joy.

This can get you in a problem if it is a gift you really didn't expect and don't like..... Better train your pokerface

[Samantha Puppy]

I always ask. "Do you want me to open it now, or..." A lot of people like to see your reaction to their gift but some don't like the awkwardness, so it's always best to ask in my opinion.

[Ginger's Mom]

That is a good question, Popcornbird, because I have seen a change in the trend as I have gotten older. When I was younger people all seemed to open gifts right away that was just how it was done. However, I have noticed in the past 10 years or so the trend has become to do as Jamie has suggested, and that is ask the person if they would like you to open the present now. I like that idea. It takes the awkwardness out of the situation (for instance I am always uncomfortable when people open presents in front of me), and they can just enjoy each other's company.

[luvofallhorses]

Some people do ask, is it for me? or can I open it now? I really don't care when I open it, lol. I like giving more than being a receiver! It's rewarding to give someone a gift just because to see their face light up. It makes you feel so good inside.

[JenBKR]

Unless at a wedding (which gifts should never be opened in front of the guests) I would open it in front of the person. I guess I've never thought about it much, but I didn't realize that it's different in other cultures. When I give a gift, I always want the person to open it in front of me. I love giving gifts and I want to see people enjoying them, or give them the option of returning it if I don't think they like it.

[dukedogsmom]

I agree. They are to be opened in front of the gift giver. Also, no matter if I like it or not, I always act pleased. There was one time when my ex gave me something for the kitchen at Christmas. Not good. Other than that, I try to never let the giver know I'm disappointed.

[slleipnir]

Originally posted by Samantha Puppy
I always ask. "Do you want me to open it now, or..." A lot of people like to see your reaction to their gift but some don't like the awkwardness, so it's always best to ask in my opinion.

That's what I do too.

[JenBKR]

Originally posted by dukedogsmom
I agree. They are to be opened in front of the gift giver. Also, no matter if I like it or not, I always act pleased. There was one time when my ex gave me something for the kitchen at Christmas. Not good. Other than that, I try to never let the giver know I'm disappointed.

Me too. I almost never get a gift that I don't like, but I always act excited and give lots of thank-yous.

[Logan]

Gifts are just that, "gifts", from the heart!!!! At the age I have reached, when someone sends me a gift, I am rarely disappointed, anyway, just grateful that someone acknowledged the event, whether it be a birthday or Christmas, whatever.

Open it, with joy, and know that the person did for you what they thought was most appropriate!

Heck, I have a birthday coming in a few days. What I have received so far was 1) a bulldozer coming and preparing my lawn for grass (woo hoo!!!!! ), 2) Just today, a card saying a donation had been made, in my honor, to Noah's Wish, to help the pets in peril after Katrina (again, "woo hoo", and many thanks", and 3) My dear husband bought two stadium seats, complete with "arms", for us to endure those volleyball games for night after night. A multitude of "gifts", but all ones that I treasure, because I know they were meant to make me happy.

Just my thoughts.

Logan

[Uabassoon]

It's strange how my habits have changed since I moved away from my family. While Tucson is still fairly hispanic it's not nearly like where I grew up. Back home if I get a gift or a card from a family member I wait until they are gone before opening it, then i call and thank them. However when I was a kid I lacked the patience so I used to say I was going to go put it in my room and then I would open it Now with my friends usually I'll ask if I can open it in front of them.

[Laura's Babies]

Gee, in our family, we always open them but I like the suspense of NOT opening mine. Until I open it, it could be ANY of the things I would love to have. Once opened, you know what it is and you can't dream anymore. I aggervate my family because at Christmas, I am always the last to open my gifts and Marie fusses and fusses until I open them.

The year they gave me my mothers ring for Mothers Day, they would have been REALLY if I had waited until they left. It caught me totally off guard, I never expected it and I all but cried out of happiness when I saw what it was... (That was the one thing I use to dream all the other unopened gifts was...)

In today mixed society, is would be to confusing to keep up with all the things others do. My friend Mike is Jewish so they do not celebrate Christmas but his babies Klinger and Yetta, STILL got gifts from me. He said his cats are Jewish too but they accepted their gifts and loved them, and my cats got gifts from him. We just have to respect one another and not get upset or mad when someone don't follow "our" way. I did not get mad when Mike choose to work rather than share Christmas dinner with us. I respect his choice of religion just as he respects mine.

[popcornbird]

Logan. I think you misunderstood me. I always, always, ALWAYS get happy and appreciate it when someone gives me a gift. What the gift is doesn't matter. The fact that its coming from the heart is what's so touching.

My point in this thread was only posting how cultures differ when it comes to opening gifts in front of the person who gives it. I 'personally' like to open it in front of the 'giver', but some people think its 'culturally inappropriate'...something that is different for most of us here. And JenBKR...you are right. Wedding gifts should NEVER be opened in front of the many guests. LOL! I would actually find it awkward to open a gift even in front of other guests in a small gathering. Only when the person that is presenting one with the gift is the only one there should it be opened immediately...I think.

[cyber-sibes]

I usually ask the person if they would like me to open it up now? of course, they always say yes! But I think it's polite to ask. When I give someone a gift, I like to see them open it. I would be really disappointed if they set it aside to open later, like maybe they think it's not worth opening, or that they might be disappointed so they're waiting till I'm not around. So I'm glad that you posted this, because now I can think it's just a cultural thing - why they don't open the gift. I won't feel bad anymore!

[NoahsMommy]

I've always asked if they wanted me to open the gift.

When it comes to people opening later on, it doesn't bother me either. I usually feel they have their own ways of doing things.

I prefer to watch someone open, because I put a lot of thought into my gifts.