I can't sleep...

[ILoveMyAbbyGirl]

It's a little past midnight and I can't sleep because I have suddenly been overcome with this huge crying spell.

I don't know what made me think of it, but I was just laying in bed and all of a sudden I though of how my dad got this letter today asking for some loan payment. He showed it to my mom because it was something she was supposed to pay, they agreed on it. She was like, " I haven't paid that since I moved out. I can't afford to pay that." My dad asked her which ones she could pay (meaning we have taken out more that one loan, a heartbreaker in itself) and she snapped back, "None of them!" and my dad just walked away.

Now I'm sitting here sobbing because I know my dad never has money to spend on himself because he has to pay for so much stuff... not only am I afraid but I'm angry because my mother has plenty of spending money and she just chooses not to help him out. She KNOWS she has more money than he does... I hate her so much.

I just wish that I was like, 8, and knew none of this was going on. I can't help but dwell on it now because it seems to be such a big problem... we have a hard enough time paying our phone bill, let alone a car bill, insurance, loans, and all the other bills i don't even know about.

I can't stop crying because I don't know what to do and I just hate my mother for being so selfish. My ears are throbbing somehow, my eyes are throbbing so much i can barely see... and I have a headache the size of north america right behind my eyes. I can't sleep, thats for sure. but there's nothing else I can do. I just hate this feeling. I hate it when my dad is too embarrassed to ask for money, i hate it that he appologizes when i have to give him some... i wish things were better... I know people have it worse than I do, but I can't help but cry and worry.

Sorry for the stupid pointless rant, I just can't sleep or stop thinking about it.

[NoahsMommy]

Oh honey....I'm so sorry.

I know that the day I realized what type of person my dad was....I grew up ALOT...and it wasn't very positive either.

Parents are people too...and although it doesn't make their actions right, they are human and do things wrong.

I hope you feel better today.

Hugs,
Kelly

[ILoveMyAbbyGirl]

Today is better, but not much. My dad called and told me that we probably wouldn't go camping for a few weekends to save some money. Just how quietly he said that made it sound like he was crying... I almost was too. I'm thinking of picking up some hours at work too so I can, in a way, support myself and not have my dad spend unneeded money on me.

I just wish I was a good daughter, I wish I could do more to help him, I wish I had a better job so I COULD help him...

[NoahsMommy]

Oh sweetie, you ARE a good daughter to care so much.

I hope it all works out and you feel better about the situation soon.

Hugs,
Kelly

[ILoveMyAbbyGirl]

Thanks. I really hope so... I hope all goes well for you too, Kelly... *hugs*

[ILoveMyAbbyGirl]

Just another thoughtful thing my mother did...

She asked if I had money so she could buy some cigarettes... I fought off the urge to tell her she doesn't NEED cigarettes to avoid being slapped... She used the last of my money to buy herself soda and cigarettes.

[flamepony12]

Oh Meg, I know how hard it is for you. I agree with Kelly, of course you're a good daugter when you care so much. I really hope you feel better soon, and things get a little less bumpy between you and your mom. I wish there was something more I could do, but unfortunately, I'm only on the other side of the screen. ((((((((HUGS)))))))))

♥
Devon

[moosmom]

Meg,

I'm thinking of picking up some hours at work too so I can, in a way, support myself and not have my dad spend unneeded money on me

That paragraph PROVES what a great kid you are.

Your parents are going through some rought times right now. It WILL get better, I promise.

You matter to all of us, Meg. Just remember that, honey!

(((((((((HUGS))))))))))))))))

Donna

[trayi52]

Megan, never doubt that you are a good daughter, because you are. You play such an active roll in the family, what else could a good daughter do?

Baby, if you need to talk, you know where I am. I have missed seeing you online. Yes I have noticed your absence, and you are missed big time!

Love and hugs,
Willie

[Logan]

The relationship you have with your father, Megan, is priceless. He obviously loves you very much and your love for him shows in everything you say about him. I know we can't "live" on love, but in the long run, you will have a strong, long lasting relationship with your dad. That is so important!!!

Hang in there. I wish I could say all the troubles are going to go away, but they may not, right away. I'm sure that your dad will find a way to make it all work. In the meantime, the two of you will be in my prayers.

Logan

[luvofallhorses]

Megan,

You are not a bad daughter. I hope things start looking up soon.


(((((hugs))))))

~Krista

[petslover]

I really hope things start to look for you too. Like others, said I can tell by the way you talk you are an awesome daughter that loves her dad very much! Keep looking up.

[carole]

Megan sweetie you are far too hard on yourself,you are a wonderful daughter, never doubt that, for one so young you are faced with many challenges, many of which are tough.

I am sorry that you have to endure so much, I wish there was something I could say or do to comfort you and make it better, just know I am alway's here for you, please don't ever hesitate to Pm me if you need to.

Take care and HUGE HUGS to you, I am sure things will get better soon, I certainly hope so,it is so sad to hear your relationship with your mother is like this, but remember NONE of it is your fault.

[ILoveMyAbbyGirl]

I just found this thread again, and reading it brought tears to my eyes... thank you all so much. Things are a little better, my dad is still struggling with paying the bills and such. I never got those hours, as they were all gone, but we'll see what happens this weekend.

Thank you all for the kind words, they brought me to tears!