Women changing their last name to that of their husband after marriage...

[popcornbird]

This topic came up while I was in class today, and everyone had very opposing views on the issue. It seemed that most girls were against it, and more guys were 'for' it. I just thought I'd post it on PT to hear all of your opinions.

What do you think of women changing their last name to that of their husband, after marriage? I know its very common and something I believe most people do, but for some reason, I just don't like it. I have never liked it. I know that when I get married, I'm keeping my last name. I won't change it to my husband's family name. I guess its because I feel I should always have the last name I was born with...that of my family. The family/house I was born in will never change, nor will my rights/loyalty towards my family change once I get married. I was born in my house...my family's house...not my husband's. Why should my last name change? My husband will be my husband...not my father...so I guess I just don't see the 'point' in changing my name. I don't think marriage should take the family name away from a girl. Is it fair? What do you all think? I would personally hate to lose my family name to that of my future husband.

[Edwina's Secretary]

I tried to convince my husband to take my last name but he wouldn't....

Seriously...why should I stop being who I am....disappear off the face of the earth because I get married?

I told my husband when we first started dating that I would never change my name. He was shocked initially.

It is an inconvenience at times....but worth it to me (one of my sisters and my sister-in-law also use their birth names...)

[Tubby & Peanut's Mom]

I also would not change my name. However, I'm 43 and still unmarried. I think it's less of an issue if you're younger. Some girls want to get out of their father's house and out from under his name.

I have a friend who married at 39 or 40 and she was more than willing to take her husband's name. I was totally surprised at this because she had always been a real independent type, but she explained they were going to be starting a business and the bank looked more favorably on the loan if their last name was the same. That's those stodgy old bank men for you!

I know some woman are proud to take their husband's name. I know it's more convenient sometimes, but I still would not do it, just because I've been me for 43 years - why change me now?

On a side note, my mom always used to sign her name (name changed for privacy) Mrs. John Jones. One time I asked her why she didn't sign it Mary Jones because that was her name? She said no, she was Mrs. John Jones first, Mary Jones second! Needless to say, I have changed her mind on that one and now sometimes signs it Mary Jones.

[Glacier]

I did change mine, but only because my maiden is very unusual, hard to pronounce and got alot of jokes! My husband has a nice, perfectly normal, easy to spell and pronounce name! It was soley for convinence that I changed mine to his!

[CatMama78]

I'm changing my last name, in three weeks actually. I think it's important to do so, espescially if plan to have kids. All having the same last name establishes you as a family, imo. What would we do if we had kids and had different last names? Now if I were a serious business woman, I would probably continue to use my last name for those purposes, but I'm not. And I'll be glad to change my last name.

[slick]

However, I'm 43 and still unmarried.

Tsk tsk....living in sin!! You shatter my image of you.

[CatMama78]

Oh wanted to add that men can always change their last names, or you can choose to have a different last name all together. For me the importance is in having a unified family. NOT, that having different last names means you are not unified - like I said this is mainly for the children's sake.

[Edwina's Secretary]

and... the custom....which is not in all culture.... comes from the woman becoming the husband's property therefore she had no need for an identity separate from his.

[popcornbird]

Originally posted by Tubby & Peanut's Mom
I also would not change my name. However, I'm 43 and still unmarried. I think it's less of an issue if you're younger. Some girls want to get out of their father's house and out from under his name.

First...I'm surprised, because I 'always' thought you were married for some reason. I had no idea!

Second...I guess I'm not one of those girls. He he he. I want to keep my family name. I guess it could be a convenience issue, but then, I will always be me. I wouldn't want my friends referring to me by my name, and suddenly, have to change what they know me as, just because I got married. I will always be my parents' daughter, my brother's sister, my uncle's niece, etc. To have the same last name as ALL of them and then suddenly change it just because I got married makes me feel something. I mean...its not like getting married makes you the 'property' of your husband. It makes you his wife, but you're still the individual you always were. I just don't see why I should change my name for him. I will always be a member of my family and don't want my family name being taken from me. LOL! This is certainly a choice issue though. I'm sure everyone sees it from a different perspective. One of the girls in my class said she feels it her 'right' to remain who she is after marriage, and not change half her name to her husband's. I had to agree with her. I think its the right of a woman to make her own choice on this issue, and keep her name if she wishes to. It is definitely something that's a very personal choice.

[CalliesMom]

Actually, I didn't want to change my last name..I know this is strange, but part of me felt like I was giving up my father by taking on my husband's last name. However, I made my maiden name my middle name and took my husband's last name. It's a bit confusing but at least I still feel like I have a part of the name given to me by my father (I hated my original middle name..so it worked out.) I also didn't want my children (if I have any) to have a different last name than me.

[carole]

To be honest PCB, I never gave it a thought, and I was proud to take my hubby's last name, even though it is the same as a girl's name and cause's so much confusion, I guess if I really hated his last name , then I would keep mine which is scottish.

I like the idea of hyphenating a name, using both the maiden name and married name if it suits.

I actually like having the opportunity of changing my name, I have done it twice, gets boring having the same surname forever , however I know more young women today are choosing to keep their maiden names, especially if they are in business, I think it just becomes confusing when the kiddies come along.

[Karen]

I changed my last name to Paul's when we married. I had a very common last name - there were three of us with the same first and last name in my own hometown. So I figured, why not change it to something less common?I will always be my parents' daughter, no name change could change that, any more than it could change the dent in my chin, the shape of my hands, or the color of my eyes. I was under no pressure from either family regarding my name, by the way.

I believe it is a very personal choice, up to each woman to her own choosing.

I worked with two woman who had always intended to hyphenate their future husband's name with their own. Neither did, because of the last names involved. Rather than becoming Ms. Maxfield-House and sounding like a coffee company, one woman changed hers to her husbands name. The other, rather than becoming Ms. Peck-Chase and sounding like a children's game (duck-duck-goose, anyone?) kept her maiden name.

My mother married at the age of 29, and was working as a reporter for a daily newspaper at the time. She kept her maiden name for a month in the publication, then was listed with both names for a month or so, then dropped her maiden name, once readers had gotten accustomed to the new last name. Othere married women I know kept their maiden name for business purposes, but use their husbands' names outside of work.

I retain my own identity no matter my name, am no one's property!

[Edwina's Secretary]

Of course there is the other side as well. My sister prepared the newspaper announcement of my parents upcoming 60th wedding anniversary -- listing the children and grandchildren.

Let's say my parents are Mr. & Mrs. Jones. Oldest daughter...V. Jones...husband...N. Smith....next daughter B. Ander (she took her husband's last name) granddaughter L. Ander, son - P. Jones, wife - F. Peters, granddaughter J. Jones, daughter S. Jones, husband D. Brown.

The newspaper called back and asked who are all these people???

So.... it can be confusing. Also...when we travel we take a copy of our marriage license in case there should be any problem....

[Lillycat]

wow......what a lot of opinions.......i married a loooong time ago.......took my husbands last name.......didnt know anyone who didnt "do it that way"......although i love my middle name, i did replace it w/my maiden name which i dearly love.....thats about as "modern" as i ever got........it is now jonah's middle name.....smile.....i divorced at a time when it didnt happen as often as it does today......i still kept my married name as it was just simpler and i wanted my name to be the same as my childrens names and really ....that last name is a part of my history..........enough changes already!

[popcornbird]

Oh...that's another thing I've wondered about. If one ends up changing her name and then getting divorced, would she change it again? Then if she gets married again, change it again? Then if she divorces again, change it again? LOL!!!! That's another reason I won't ever change my last name. I do hope I won't ever get divorced, but of course, you never know, and if I 'was' going to go through such a situation, I wouldn't want to keep my ex-husband's name, so I'd probably go back to my maiden name, and then the cycle would go on. It becomes too much of a hassle...I think.

If I have kids someday, maybe I'll have them named 'first name, my last name as middle name, dad's last name as last name'. That would work in keeping their names related to both parents. He he he.