too bad the world exists PAIN - why....?
(for whose didn't know I was here, this place before - I came back..because while I was hoping for some "hugs", I remembered "pet talk site". no one in my family understood how dearly I love my furhearts).
I just lost my three month and three weeks old kitten, Edges Tahoe last July, 27th. *8,564,377,210,460th tear coming..* pain...go away, please...!
on 25th of the July, he was not eating his breakfast for first time, (lightly soaked dry food), he was cold..slow. not moving much, or chasing his brat sister who loves to tease him, or able to climb up the cat-tree to be with other several bigger furhearts. just staying so quietly in one position, looking at me, meows..*hold me..please*. I didn't like this at a BIT, I called the vet right away, lucky, an available for us on sunday. we got there in two hours later, even though Edges thought and knew he's not going to make it, he purred loudly ever, even vibrated the vet-room, nudging his head onto me to pick him up a bajillion times, I thought..he must be talking to me, telling me how a great mother I am. I couldn't resist amusing, muscles are so powerful at that time. everything, results came out negative. "I'm not sure what's wrong with him..'no idea'. he's suppose to be at least 100F but he's 96F and he looks, sounds, feels normal. well, take him home and keep him warm..", the vet said. I got him home, made sure he's under my heart, wrapped in his little blanket on my lap, doing homeworks, studying. he began to lick and licking my face when laying down. "hey hey, what's going on, what have gotten into you, Edges??" I didn't know he was saying: *I'm just saying ...good-bye because I just love you!* and the day passed to 26th, he continued licking, purring louder more than ever I could believe..with that VERY little heart, he demanded to be on me and nudging his cold face on my nose.. "whoa, whoa hold on --" *licking from cheek up to my forehead* "-- you need a break and rest!! I know and always will know that you love me, edges!", bringing him down to my chest where I laid on my back/side. jeez, he amazingly purred for another two hours. at around 7PM, I got so tired, (I didn't sleep for two moons) decided to take a nap and passed out. it wasn't a nap...it was a nightmare -- the next thought I thought while half sleeping up at 8AM.."oh wait a min.., my face, nose usually feel this little motored-boat sweetheart but where.." I stretchheeed, yawned..rubbed my eyes, lifted my head a little more, looking around..no needed to look around, before I know it, he was right there..right by above my head. SO cold..pale..stiffy..all gone. and you saw my reaction above..
I wanted to go with him, he was MORE than just a dear kitten..he's something I couldn't ever describe that I will, never, never ever forget him. I wish to cease this painful moment, wish I let him do the more lickings. I still coudn't get over with it, I have already flooded my apartment with my tears.. I don't and never want to understand why he had to go..his vet never understood why, either. I regretted for not saying a goodbye or how much I love him, napping was suppose to be just a couple of hours!
Edges, I'm so sorry if I have ever done something to you.. bathe with you, holding you too much, or whatever pressures I have put on you that have killed you...I wish I knew. wish..wish..wish..*sigh* COME back, please...god. help me get over with this?
*weakly 'hey'*, among the other cats who died on the owners, I have spend hours today reading the "In Memories of" Threads, I wish it's easy to say something right now, but.. I feel you, I'm EXETREMELY sorry - take care.
Edges Tahoe: April 14th 2004 - July 27th 2004
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