The more things change .... :o(

[kimlovescats]

the more they CHANGE!!!!

Wasn't it just a couple of weeks ago that I swore I was going to keep all 22 cats? Well, deep in my heart I knew that was excessive, obsessive, and just plain ridiculous!!!
It's just so hard to let go, you know? Cat adoptions had been down for quite some time, and I just didn't want to see any of my babies sitting in cages at PetSmart for unlimited days!!!
Well, I have been really concerned about having so many cats in our home, it can and does get VERY overwhelming! My hubby faithfully does litterbox duty every day, and I vacuum and wash blankies, etc.... but it is still terribly hard to keep everything clean! The facts are that I do have terrible allergies and asthma (induced by allergies) and I have been sick non-stop for about 2 months now. It's just come to the point where I HAVE to be reasonable, I HAVE to consider all things ... and at this point it has to be QUALITY of care / life, over QUANTITY of rescues.

I do know that in the big picture, we have rescued over 60 kitties, and I have to remember that, when I turn down more .... and letting go of the ones I currently have is absolutely HEARTBREAKING! However, since adoptions are back "up" again, I have recently let 4 more go. They already have homes waiting for them, so they won't have to go to cages at PetSmart! Thankfully, they were adopted off of the rescue's PetFinder listing ... and sent in specific applications for each of them! Today was their "moving out" day and I bawled my eyes out!!! I couldn't even put them in the carrier, had to let Sherry do that for me. You wouldn't have believed the looks on their faces .... it just broke my heart!!!

Dear God, please give me the peace of heart and mind to know that I have done what is best by these babies!

To Amber, Casper, Tony, and Dallas ..... I will LOVE YOU FOREVER, and I hope you take that love with you to your new homes!!!

[kimlovescats]

I do not have any type of license or permit or 501(c)3 I.D. to run my rescue. It is all done by me and my husband, and we just do what we can on our own funds (except for the couple of nice donations from PTers!) and as soon as we can. However, some things do have to wait until the funds are there. This means that if Animal Control showed up, we would not have shot records (more specifially Rabies licenses) for all the cats yet! There would be no bargaining... my kitties would be hauled away to the pound! Well, not the ones who are "legal".
I know that this would totally devastate me, and if I was on the front page of the newspaper or worse yet on the local TV news, then you might as well just bury me alive!!!!

I have been taking a HUGE risk for a long time now, and I just can't take these risks any more! It is terribly hard to see my babies go to new homes, but it sure beats seeing them carted off to the hell-hole of a pound we have here!!!!

This post here .... was just what I needed to hear today, after having let 4 of my babies go yesterday!

http://petoftheday.com/talk/showthre...threadid=43606

[Barbara]

Oh Kim, this breaks my heart: you are doing so much for these babies and I agree: you must think of yourself. I could never do what you did.

You only can save cats if you stay healthy and can afford to feed and to care for them.

It shows so much strength that you could let them go.

All the best wishes for your 4, especially Casper (special friend of mine). I am sure you picked the best homes for them.

{{{{{Hugs}}}}}

[jenluckenbach]

Kim, don't be sad. THIS is what you DO!!! Those babies were ALWAYS meant to find their own homes and they had YOU while they waited. They lived the good life and now they live another good life. What more could they ask?? Of course you will miss them, don't you miss them all? And I know you will tell yourself that you feel even worse because you promised to keep them and you "went back on your word". But they will NEVER hold a grudge. They will love you but they will also love their new parents. So I for one am going to say CONGRATULTIONS!!! on finding 4 more homes. But also {{{{HUGS}}}} until the saddness turns to joy. (the joy of a job well done)

[catcrazylady]

I'm sorry Kim. I know you must be heart broken losing your four babies even if it was to good homes. I'm sorry this has been so hard for you. I always said that I could not do what a lot of you do. You are able to put the needs of the cats over your own. I can't tell you how much I admire that! You will always miss them and I'm sure they will remember you with lots of love always but they will be fine! Do you remember when you got each one of them? Some of them may not have even known what love is. Now they will be going into loving homes with the valuable lessons that you took the time to teach them. You helped make them adoptable cats!!
My heart breaks for you because I can just imagine giving one or two of mine up. It has to hurt deeply.
I know this probably isn't going to help any and I'm sorry you have had to pave the road for me but you are helping me learn what I need to do to protect myself. Everything you have done I could easily see as my future. I just never feel like I can do enough so I keep trying to take on more. I'm ready to bring them all home form the shelter and never let them go. Your experiences are helping me learn. If there is anything at all that I can do to help you just let me know.
I am praying for God to give you Peace Kim. You did the right thing and it will work out as He has planned it.
God Bless you.

[kimlovescats]

Barbara, Jen, and Lisa ..... I can't thank you enough for your words of support and understanding. It's been really hard letting go, yet I know that there are still many more who really need to find other homes. Little Jet (black male kitten) and of course, sweetheart Pee Wee! It will be very hard to let Pee Wee Man go, as he has come such a long way in his short little life with us.

There are still several whom I am not sure will ever be adoptable... Bonnie who is happy being a very timid garage kitty, Marmalade who is very nervous (probably from previous abuse),
and sweet Hope, who has the missing back foot. I will continue to love and work with these 3 and if they never are adopted, then they will have homes with us.

Barbara, it broke my heart to let Casper go!!!

Jen, I know that you are right .... it's just that the longer they are here, I feel like they are in total shock having to be uprooted. I'm sure you know what I mean.

Lisa, I wish so much that I had taken your approach from the start. That I had just volunteered at a shelter. Of course, I doubt things would have been any different... I would have just brought them all home from there! I am hoping that in time I will gain the strength to do some sort of volunteer shelter work .... but I'm not sure if being around a shelter day in and day out will be best, I don't think I could say "no" to them! I really admire your strength, Lisa!!!! Maybe I will just help with adoption days or something ... doing paperwork or something, in time.

[jazzcat]

Oh Kim, I'm so sorry. I know this is so hard for you but just try to keep your original purpose in focus - to help save these cats from their bleak futures and find them good loving homes - that is what you have done. You didn't "give them up" or really even "uproot" them but you gave them a wonderful future that didn't even exist before you came into their lives.

You've RESCUED over 60 kitties - 60 kitties!!! You've given your time, money, home and most importantly your love to these kitties and you've made a huge difference. I admire you for all that but mostly your strength, and I'm not just talking about the what it takes to let them go but what it takes to help them in the first place.

I know you've done what is best for your cats. I'm so sorry you are having to go through this heartbreak and I pray you will find peace and comfort.

[catcrazylady]

I'm actually surprised Kim at how much satisfaction I am getting from the volunteer work. What keeps me from bringing them home is several different things.
1) I know I can't take them all and how can I choose one over another? They all need someone to love them.
2) Does the few minutes I spend with them make a difference? I believe the answer is yes. After I take time with one and love it and talk to it, I notice when I put them back in the cage they instantly curl up and seem to sleep contentedly. I hope I gave them some peace.
3) The turn over is high so I don't get a chance to really get attached to one more than another. Not yet anyway!!
4) The troubled ones that need the most help could not come home with me because I could never get them to mix with my babies. I will not disturb/destroy the lives of my kitties because they don't deserve that.
5) I will end up divorced?
6) I can't afford the adoption fees for all of them!!!!

I will be honest with you. I told myself when I started doing this that I would probably end up adopting one or two someday. Some nights I walk around and think which ones would I like to take home if I could have two. There is no answer to that question because each one is special in their own way. I keep telling myself that as soon as I took one home there would be another come along that needed me more.
I joke about the divorce thing but Hubby and I did have a ...um...discussion about that just a few days ago. I was cleaning litter boxes in the utility room with some help from a few kitties. I am always talking to my cats. I never shut up when one is around. Well, during one of these kitty talks I made the comment "Would you like me to bring you home a buddy from the shelter?". Suddenly it was like this big booming voice from the heavens saying "NO! YOU CAN NOT BRING ANYTHING HOME!! I kind of chuckled to myself but didn't let him see that. Then I asked him what he intended to do about it if I did. (this was all said in a very sweet voice). He looked a little lost and had no answer. I sweetly said...You can't stop me and if I do bring one home what will you do? He let out this big sigh and said "well I guess I would take it in and love it just like all the rest!" So that means that I will eventually bring a few home!!
Anyway! I'm trying to do something to help but I know the number of homeless will be endless and unless I hit the lottery and can start my own Best Friends then I can't do much more.
You have already gone above and beyond what most people do. Be proud and if you still feel the need I think you could handle volunteering. As long as it is NO KILL! otherwise you would bring everything home!
I think you just need to give yourself a break and love the babies you have at home. Give yourself a big pat on the back for all the great work you have done and resign yourself to the fact that you are finished. Go hug and kiss all you adorable babies and find peace in their precious faces knowing that thanks to you they all will have a wonderful life!!

ps. I don't think we will ever see you in the papers!! That lady had 96 cats! I personally think they should give them back because I think she was doing a great job!!!

Sorry this was so long! This is how I ramble to my kitties at home!!

[Tubby & Peanut's Mom]

Oh Kim, I'm so sorry you're feeling so bad. I know you are heartbroken about having to let these 4 go, but I can't help but say...Yeah! Tony found a home!!!

Jen, I know that you are right .... it's just that the longer they are here, I feel like they are in total shock having to be uprooted. I'm sure you know what I mean.

I know this won't help much, but this happens to 99.9% of the kittens out there. They are all uprooted from the only homes they've known since birth, and they all adjust. Yes, some adjust better than others, but they all adjust. And I'm sure, since these were some of your favorites, that their new furrever homes will be some of the best and they will all live long spoiled lives.

And now, in my opinion, you did a great thing by letting these 4 go. They are some of the most adoptable by your own admission, and I think you can really do the most good by keeping, taking care of, and loving those that nobody else wants - like Hope, Bonnie & Marmalade. These kitties, and others like them, need you more than the others because they need a special, understanding person. Most people wouldn't give these three the time of day, but you have given them a great loving home where someday they may just come out of their shells a little.

I know it's hard, but you are doing what is best for YOU and for the rest of the kitties you have. Like you say, knowing they are going to a good home is soooo much better than having them sent to the pound because of a vindictive person.

Hugs to you and hubby. I know it's hard for both of you, but maybe giving the rest of them some extra snuggles will help you through this hard time, knowing that you are doing the best you can for them.

PS - CCL, too funny, the loud booming voice from the heavens.

[kimlovescats]

Lisa - what wonderful news that your shelter has a fast turnover rate.... I'm sure that does help with the temptation! Poor, SWEET hubby of yours, he doesn't stand a chance!!! tee hee hee


Debbie - thanks so much for your words of encouragement, as always! You are so right about these being the most desirable, that's why I know that they will adjust rather quickly, deep in my heart .... because they each had such loving personalities and were really good at seeking and winning approval!!! It just always helps to hear affirmation from good friends!

((((HUGS)))) to all my wonderful PT friends!

[K & L]

I know what you mean Kim, that's why we can't foster! Just remember you've done a wonderful job, gave them love, and now a home where they will still be loved! They may never have had this if it hadn't been for you and your husband.

[kimlovescats]

Jazzcat..... thanks so much for the support, understanding and prayers! Thanks for reminding me that 60 have been saved, and I have to remind myself also, that there ARE other good cat parents out there other than just ME!

Lisa..... thanks for understanding as well .... I would love to find a feral colony to feed .... that way it wouldn't be so "easy" to bring them all home!!!

[moosmom]

Kim,

You and hour hubby are doing a WONDERFUL job!!

[rg_girlca]

What can I say Kim that others haven't already.
I am in total agreement in what you are doing. Afterall, you would be of no use to the cats if you land up seriously sick and aren't able to care for them. Your health comes first.
Fostering 60 cats is a great accomplishment and you have done a superb job with all of them. More so than what others would have done. In as much as I love cats, I don't think I would have been able to go through the lengths that you did.
You and your hubby have seen to it that these babies have found good, loving and caring forever homes.
I know it hurts to see them go, but it is also rewarding knowing that they will be well cared for, thanks to you.
Take care of yourself Kim and don't come down hard on yourself for what you are doing, cause we sure don't.
We all totally understand and fully support your decision.

[kimlovescats]

Thank you so much, Donna and Lorraine!!!

(((HUGS)))