Family and relationships

[catnapper]

I was thinking this morning of a conversation mom and I had last night. You see, my SIL lost her dad 8 years ago, right before she and my brother got married. She was definately daddy's little girl and was devasted he passed before he had the chance to walk her down the aisle. His passing was not sudden or surprising. He had been dying for many, many years.

Fast forward 8 years to the present. Mom commented on how SIL's mom never goes anywhere or does anything. I was surprised, because when I knew SIL's mom (we'll call her Kathy) she was a vibrant and busy woman. She was fun loving and spirited. I was certain she'd be having a full life, which would include a special someone. Mom said, "oh no! The kids have told her in no way should she be "allowed" to ever date anyone else." The kids are all adults & married with kids of their own.

This concept shocked me: how could adult children dictate their mother's happiness? Kathy DESERVES happiness after ten years of a dying husband, and it has been 8 years since his passing.... why not let her find happiness? I think in SIL's mind, her parents had the greatest love story of all time. Being an outsider to the family, I see that it was far from a love story. Perhaps that has something to do with it?

Would YOU mind if a parent fell in love after the death of your other parent?

I know lots of you (like myself) come from divorced parents and such, but pretend for an instant that no divorce ever happened and your parents were "happily" married for 25+ years. Would you mind if they found another love? Would you encourage that love?

[Pawsitive Thinking]

My parents were married for over 40 years before my Dad died in March. Most of the marriage was happy although Dad's illness put a lot of strain on it during the 5 years they had to contend with Parkinson's.

My brother and I know that no one will ever take our Dad's place in our hearts or memories so see no reason why Mum shouldn't find someone else if thats what she wants. We have our own lives and families so why should she stay alone?

[Daisy and Delilah]

My Dad died in 1966 at the age of 41. My Mom was only 40 at that time. All three of us(me, my sister, and brother)would have given anything if she would have met someone and re-married. She chose to stay alone and is still alone at the age of 79. I think the bottom line here, Kim, is wishing nothing but happiness for that parent. Happiness is the most important thing to me. However, it was ultimately up to my Mother to decide how she would be the happiest. I wonder if Kathy is living a life that is totally dictated by her children or does she choose that life for herself?

[caseysmom]

My mother nursed my father who had alzheimers, 4 years after his death she had a date, guess what, she died the day of her date. I wish she would have had a chance to have some fun.

I was all excited for her about her date, I went out and got her some outfits and shoes.

[CagneyDog]

This sounds awful but I honestly don’t think I would be okay with having one of my parents remarry/date. I guess it would be okay if I had moved out already but I don’t think I could handle having some new parent in my life just after one of them died. It’s selfish, I know.

[Glacier]

I can't imagine either of my parents with someone else. They've been married for 35 years and are very happy. They have one of those marriages that most people dream about. They still act like a pair of lovesick teenagers half the time! I hope my marriage lasts as well as theirs. However, if & when one of them moves on, I would want the other to be happy again, whatever that meant for them. If it means dating, remarriage, simple companionship, and there were happy, I'd be ok with that.

I've thought about what I would do if something happens to Stuart. I don't expect I'd ever have this kind of love again, but also don't think I'd be alone for the rest of my life. Love comes in many forms and wether we like it or not, life goes on.

I have an Aunt who was a widow twice before she was 55. She has children from her first marriage who were raised by her second husband(my uncle). My uncle died two years ago. She's now dating again. Her kids are a little upset, but they still include her friend in activities. Life has kicked the crap out of her already. She deserves a world of happiness. I hope she finds it.

[carole]

I have often thought of this one, I know my mother would never re-marry but my father is a possibility, I am not sure how i would feel, but it would certainly depend on the person he chose to marry, if i liked her and she was a good person i would do my best to accomodate her into the family and make her feel welcome, of course it would be hard and she could never replace my lost parent, but i would try and think about my parents happiness, however my parents are getting on in years and really i am not sure this would even happen to either of them.

Having said that however my uncle in Scotland re-married after my aunty took her own life, it was only about 2 years afterwards, his family have learned to accept it and she is a lovely person, my mother likes her too, but has some difficulties, as it is not the same for her anymore and she is very different to her sister and my own mother in her ways and personality,they come over for regular visits now, and my mother really does not have the same excitement about seeing them, as it just reminds her of the fact her sister who she was extremely close to is no longer here.

[Spyro420]

I mostly fear for my parents being alone, or anyone I love being alone. maybe thats cause of my fear of being alone. but we've had a question before of something like "would you want to die first or someone you love first"

I really don't have an answer, I could first but how could I leave somebody alone? But if they went first, how would I survive being alone?

I wish my mom would find someone good, to take care of her so I don't have to worry so much. Welive an hour apart.

[lv4dogs]

I haven't lost any parents but they are divorced. But no matter if one had passed, they were split up or divorced I would not want them to be alone.
I fully support dating after a loved one has passed or after a divorce.

I wish my mom would get a boy friend, she needs one.

[Karen]

I would have no problem with it. Dad has made it clear (to the sharks circling, especially, as he is in the minority being a single guy at his age) that he will never marry again, but if he wanted to, who are we to deny him happiness?

[moosmom]

My Mom passed away at the age of 44 (my Dad was 48 at the time) from lung cancer. My Dad was devastated. They were childhood sweethearts and married very young. They had been married over 25 years. He hated being alone. 4 months after she died, my Dad met a woman with a 9 year old daughter and 2 other grown daughters. They were together a total of 23 years (lived together 8 years, married 15). My stepmother and I "tolerated" each other. She took good care of my Dad and vice versa. For that I was greatful. When she died, my Dad always said, "I had two wonderful women in my life who I loved with all my heart, your Mom and Barbie."

Barbie never tried to take my Mom's place. I'm glad she was in my father's life. If she hadn't come along, my father would've died of a broken heart.