The days' worth of gay / lesbian / hate / christianity debates have left me feeling totally upset and downright empty.
I am sitting here in tears, as I try to make some sense of what I am feeling, thinking, writing. All of my life, I have had rules, beliefs, opinions and religion drilled into my brain mostly by my father. My entire adult life has been a struggle to try and find my own beliefs, make my own choices, and be my own person. I sat back and watched every single one of my family, break one of the great "NO-NO" Christian laws according to my earthly Dad. He has condemned, judged, and disowned nearly every member of my family at one time or another. Most recently, he disallowed my daughter and her "fiance" from coming to Christmas Eve at his home, because they had baby Jenna out of wedlock. This hurt me terribly, and hurt my precious daughter Amy Beth, to know that her beloved grandfather (Dede) would act this way.
Now here today, I have participated in a heated, hurtful debate with people whom I have grown to love and respect here on PT. I wonder if I will ever truly know whether what I have come to believe was discovered on my own, or if it is only what has all been drilled into my brain for so many years. I do believe and trust in God, but I also have to believe that He is loving, forgiving, and compassionate. He would never inflict harm or malice or pain on another of His children. When we bring up any sort of touchy subject, someone always ends up a victim, and leaves wounded and suffering. I hurt today for dear Laura, and any others who may have different lifestyles than the so-called "norm".
It is not ANY of our places, (my Dad included) to JUDGE another. The Bible most definitely teaches "judge not lest ye be judged"!!! It is my sincere hope, that as I mature more in my life and my walk with God, that I will become a loving, non-judgmental, and compassionate woman .... for being like Christ, is truly what is meant by the term "christian".
I hope to one day have someone be able to say, that they can see Jesus in me. In the meantime, Lord, please forgive me for my sinful human ways.
In His Love,
Kim
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