I feel like I have to make my mom happy.. while.. I want to make Mike happy too..

[CountryWolf07]

Ah, yeah, 5 years later, it's still the same. I'm in the middle while Mike says something and my mom says something and I am always trying to stay neutral and say, "I'm not involved." I just hope this isn't forever. I'm moving out in about a month to live with Mike at our house that we are currently updating/working on. BY the way, that's going very well. We are pretty excited about it. I'm very confident with him. Love him like crazy, etc. But the thing is, it seems like that lately I'm nervous about how my parents will handle it. I am thinking, hopefully my mom will realize that Mike is serious and he loves me, etc. We talk rings, marriage, kids... but they don't believe him for a second because we've been dating for 5 years, haven't married yet, and thinks that it will never happen. It's as if, they laugh and think, "Oh c'mon, really? When has he ever showed you a real commitment?" I know, he and my parents will probably always clash, SHARE their thoughts/opinions with me (separately), but wish it won't be that way. I feel like, when that day comes to say, I'm engaged. I will probably hesitate. I don't know. Just this evening, my mom tells me she thinks I need to lease a car rather than let Mike help me pick out a car I want. I want to get a older Jeep, Mike knows how to fix & work on it. Mom thinks, it's a really bad idea. She thinks Mike isn't reliable because he "doesn't have time to work on things" but to me, I know him. I know he will fix things when he has time to, especially on jeeps & cars - it's one of his hobbies/areas that he's VERY good at. He's very good with what he does. Mom scoffs at me and says "Oh 'c'mon, you know he'll never." Just seems like, they have zero faith in whatever it is when it includes Mike and I. Oh well. It just drives me insane. I feel like sometimes, I have to let her win and just "agree".. while I feel like I am being pulled apart by both of them. (You know, pick me! pick me! I'm dating you. I'm your mother. That sort of thing?)

Has anyone ever gone through anything like this?

[Karen]

Kiddo, don't worry about making everyone happy, make sure you are happy, and your folks will come around eventually.

[caseysmom]

I think lots of times noboby seems good enough for us parents...I think you need to have a talk with her and tell her Mike makes you happy and you love him.

[Taz_Zoee]

You've been together five years, and now you are moving in together. I'm sorry, but THAT is commitment. Why your mom doesn't see that, I have no clue. She just has to see you are really happy, just give her time. She doesn't want to let you go, but she will......eventually.
I've been with my boyfriend for 9 years, moved in with him after 5 months of dating. I do not see wedding bells in the future and I'm fine with that. Everyone else seems to have a problem with it, but I just tell them....I'm happy! That's all that matters.

[Cataholic]

I completely see your mom's point of view. From what you have shared on here, and IRL, your mom prolly sees a lot more of it, I have wondered the same things she must be articulating. Not everyone wants/needs to be married. And, that, to me, is what separates your situation from Taz's. I get the real sense you have always wanted more than Mike, faster that Mike, and that YOU want more in terms of commitment.

I know your mom wants only what is best for you. She has no one else's interest at heart. And, if Mike is making comments against/about your parent(s), that, to me, is a big sign of disrespect.

[CountryWolf07]

Of course I want more. So does he. But at his own speed. He just takes his time with everything, not just with me, every single thing. For me, when I see what I want, I go for it. I don't wait. He waits. That's the difference between us. Do I notice that he says things about my parents? Yes. Do I notice my parents say things about him? Yes. They just both don't see eye to eye on things. I sense uncomfortable feelings between them. I'm in the middle. My mom says I put myself in the middle, but I don't see how. I am dating him. They are my parents. I suppose I feel torn on how to feel or what to think about when it comes down to that.

[sparks19]

I think you need to have a heart to heart with your mom.

sit down and tell her how it makes you feel when she says things like that. Tell her you are a big girl and she has to let you learn how to be an adult on your own. Maybe down the road it will turn out that Mike is a "mistake" (Not saying he is... just saying in general). Tell her that she has to let you make your own mistakes, otherwise how will you ever learn anything? then I'd probably add in a "besides... if turns out down the road it is a mistake you will get the satisfaction of an 'I told you so' " lol

But really just sit down with her and tell her how much it HURTS you when she says things like that. she's free to have her feelings but she does NOT have to express them and hurt you in the process.

If she presses that it's a mistake then tell her "Ok... but please let me learn this lesson on my own"

[carole]

Sorry you are having these problems, parents always want the best for their children, but i as a mother, take a step back, as long as my child is not being abused or treated badly, i feel if they are happy with their partner that is what is important, i don't remember how old you are? but i think everyone has to live their own lives and make their own mistakes.

I am fortunate that i love my son's fiancee and she is everything i ever wanted for him,but even if she weren't i would respect my son's choice in a partner, i think maybe your parents have to do that to.

By all means discuss this with them both and let them know how uncomfortable you feel being stuck in the middle, and clear the air.

I feel you are probably old enough to make your own choices in life and whatever happens your parents will be there to support you.

Maybe you do want more than is being offered, maybe you do want marriage, children etc, nothing wrong with that, as long as Mike shares those feelings and needs , i think you should be just fine, maybe he is not ready for the whole package just yet, but moving in together and being together five years is certainly a committment. good luck.