Is this Tacky of me>??

[kt_luvs_kitties]

Ok. I have a situation and need opinions.

Since Andys' "accident", and all of my vet bills, I just don't have alot of extra money for Christmas this year. My payments on the credit cards are high, and I only have 3 months to pay them off. That leaves me WAY tighter than any normal Christmas.

We have a VERY large family, with 25+ people to buy for. I have decided only the CLOSEST family will get anything this year. That means 18 people. Usually I spend 100 on parents (6 total, Rickies parents remarried) And about 50 on brothers, and 50+ on cousins/husbands. Aunt and uncles I dont usually have a set price. Grandmas/ grandpas is about 50 too. This year, we just cant spend like that. I feel so bad, but it is not possible.

I would like to ask just not to switch presents this year, but I KNOW they will buy us stuff anyways. And then I would have a crummy Christmas, because I would be embarrassed AND annoyed.

So I was thinking, if I sent out a Christmas card, and explained about our financial situation this year, and set a price limit on switching, would that be tacky? I mean, it sounds tacky, but I dont want people to spend 100+ on us, and we get them a cookie jar and socks, ya know?

When did Christmas become so much about presents and money anyways??? I guess when I grew up and got married, and was expected to buy presents, huh? As a kid, it never even crossed my mind.

Anyways, Tacky or not?

[lvpets2002]

No I dont think its tacky.. Your just wanting to let all the family know that you have a tight budget this year.. They should respect your truthfullness on this matter..

[Cataholic]

Oh my goodness! I come from a large family (7 siblings, most married, with kids) and we have never exchanged gifts amongst each other regularly. I cannot imagine the money involved in buying 18 people gifts! Gifts are a non-obligation, truly. And while I can appreciate the difficulty in laying this out for the first time with your family, I can nearly guarantee that you will feel nothing but wonder afterwards.

I would not send anything around formally, but, I would make it a point to tell each sibling something along the lines of, "hey, this year is a pretty tough one for us financially, and we are not in a position to exchange gifts this year, I hope you can understand". And leave it at that. No need for details, excuses, etc. They are your FAMILY. If they can't understand, frankly...they don't deserve a gift anyhow..he he he.

Then, AFTER the holidays, I would make it a point to explain to each family member that you simply are not participating any more....too much money, everyone buys themselves something anyhow if they really want it, or, do a gift exchange, a white elephant, find a charity to bless as a family, etc.

I can't believe there aren't more of you in your family that feels this way, too.

[kt_luvs_kitties]

Thanks for the input you guys.

I have tried every year to start a secret santa thing, but noone else wants to. They like the present swapping, but I find it expensive, and it takes forever to buy the presents.

Rickies family is HUGE, and they are also quite wealthy. ( Although they never have gave us a dime, no matter WHAT we needed)

I usually put back money every month, and buy presents with that. This year we couldnt, because when we bought the house Last December, we used up all of our savings, and our mortgage is 3x what we used to pay for rent...

Maybe this is an out for me>? Maybe they will get the point this year. I sure hope so.

[kt_luvs_kitties]

Forgot to add, I usually get a "star" on a tree for a child for Christmas. This year I cant do it, BUT, I was thinking about it last week, I wanted to do something...

I have TONS of Christmas decor, mostly brand new bought on sale after Christmas for 50-75% OFF. I am going to donate it to a couple needy families without decor for their children. I hope it makes someones Holidays brighter!

Isnt much, but it is all I can do this time around!

[Pembroke_Corgi]

I wouldn't feel bad- just explain that you don't have the money right now to buy a lot of gifts, but that you still want to enjoy the holidays with them by spending time together and eating lots of good holiday food.

I don't usually buy or exchange gifts with anyone but a few people, and it's mainly for the kids in my family. I think Christmas is more about getting to enjoy your family and good food anyway, and I think your family should understand.

[krazyaboutkatz]

In our family we used to pick names and then spend about $50 or so on that person but then we gradually stopped doing it. Now I buy something for my parents and I have 2 nephews and 3 nieces that I send checks to for Christmas so that their parents can decide what to buy for them. I would never be able to afford the amount of money that you've been spending every year for Christmas. I'm sure that if you explain your situation that they'll understand. Good luck.

[lvpets2002]

Hey what about to see if they will do Chinese Christmas.. This is where you draw names or numbers or straws to see who the one person you buy for.. And in all no-one gets left out.. That is what our family started doing..

[Taz_Zoee]

Why doesn't your family draw names and then they only buy for that person? This would exclude the children though.
I am in the same boat. And I know his family will get us TONS of stuff. They always do and we get them a gift card. One for each of them (except his nephew, we get him toys). I always feel so bad, but they know they do not have to do that. It is their choice and they do not expect the same in return. I think everyone knows how tough times are right now and they shouldn't expect too much from anyone this year, IMO.
This year I am getting gift cards for everyone. I might get specific things for the kids if I know what to get them. But they are getting older and it's getting more difficult to buy for them.

Katie, you do what you CAN do. Don't worry about what they are doing and getting for you. You can only do what is within YOUR budget. I am sure everyone would understand that. And like Cataholic said - if they don't then they don't deserve anything (that might sound harsh, but it's true).

[jazzcat]

Would anyone be willing to pick a name and only buy for that person? My family would never go for that but Richard's family agreed to it a couple of years ago. We all still buy for his parents and grandmother but among the siblings and their children we each pick a name out of a bowl (we do it on Thanksgiving Day). I love when Richard and I get a married couple because I can buy a gift card to a restaurant. I like things simple - especially for people I only see a couple of times a year.

Are you crafty or a good baker? Another option could be homeade gifts. My sister has done this a few times when they had lean years. She'd give baked goods and things like that. Her peanut butter fudge is worth it's weight in gold!

I like Cataholic's suggestion of just spreading the word and not sending out anything formal. Hopefully your family will understand and won't need details.

I've come to the realization that Richard and I can't afford to compete with my brothers in gift giving. I just give them what I can afford to do and they always seem happy. They give me unbelievable gifts but I believe it's their way of thanking me or trying to repay me for taking care of our Dad. For my birthday last month one brother gave me a Wii system and games. No way can I give him anything of that level for his birthday next week. Just remember it's suppose to be the thought that counts and no one should want you to go into debt over gifts. Of course I know that isn't always the case.

[shepgirl]

No, I don't think it's tacky at all. You might not be the only one feeling this way but maybe no one else wants to admit it. Be the first, someone might follow suit.
Lots of people are feeling the pinch this year. If someone in our family didn't buy I would never feel slighted. Probably would put 2 and 2 together.

Christmas for me isn't about gifts, it's about our whole family being together and celebrating.

[RICHARD]

How's about making up some 'Gift Certificates'? I got this idea from a book of 'love coupons' -

Make up some coupons for a car wash, baby sitting, a dinner?

You couuld maybe cook a dinner for a family, deliver it?

That usually is something pretty special.

You could delay your Christmas gift giving too. a gift in February or March is fun.

I have a friend who does Christmas in June when all the kids are home and the weather is better.

YOu don't have to go by the calendar!

[moosmom]

Katie,

Absolutely NOT tacky. I've already notified the peops that I exchange with that I just do not have the money and that I have to limit how much I spend on each person. With the way the economy is and the fact that I'm on a fixed income, I don't feel I really have to explain anything to anyone. Afterall, it's the thought that counts. And yes, I have re-gifted now and then. Don't feel bad, Katie. Everyone is in dire straits this year. It's not just you, honey.

Have a great holiday and quit worrying. If they don't understand, you can just check them off your list for next year.

[carole]

I think you have to ask yourself what is the true meaning of xmas to you,honestly if you are struggling financially it seems crazy to go spending so much on such a large family,just because they can afford it.

I think you have to let common sense take over and be practical about it, it is about surviving ,not being able to provide a nice gift to people who probably don't even need it, by the sounds of things.

You have to put yourself and family and furbabies as your top priority, and if anyone takes offense at your idea,then they are being petty and i would not worry too much about it.

If you really feel you need to give gifts, how about making some cookies or fudge ,even that will cost you a bit, but far less than you usually spend.

My sister is well off compared to me and always spends more on my children than i can afford for hers, but she is fine with it,infact this year we are only buying xmas for the younger two, and have stopped for the older ones,because for one all the birthdays are from october on to December and it just gets way out of hand.

[Barbara]

18 people! And in all other year 100!
I cannot even think of that- I am sure not all gifts can be personal in such a situation.
I agree with all the others. I am sure there are more people in the family who would be ready to restrict the gifts. And people who do not understand that not all have the money every year do not understand the spirit of Christmas.