About a month ago, I started hanging out with this guy I've known for about a year. We got close and actually started dating. A week into our 'relationship' he decided to tell me a few key factors about his life.
-He was 34, not 27 like he TOLD ME. Even the name he gave me was a lie.
-He was in prison for eight and a half years for ten counts of sexual assault.
-He is currently on probation (unless they've revoked it yet, he's back in jail because of all the lies he told me) for fifteen years.
All of this, he decided was okay to tell me AFTER the fact that I had spent the night at his house, kissed him, told him I loved him...
I remember the night he decided it was time to tell me. He sat me down and held my hand. I had known he had been to jail (not necessarily prison, but jail) and that he had a pretty nasty record. But being the person I am, knew I had to hear what he had to say and see if we could move past it as a couple.
The first thing he said was that he wasn't 27. I started shaking. He said 34 and tears started to roll down my cheeks, but he couldn't see them, because my head was resting on his shoulder. He just kept holding my hand. He was quiet for nearly ten minutes before he went on. He said, "If you were going to hate me because I'm 34, you would have left by now. But since you're still here, I'll keep going."
And he did. He told me everything, except he sugar-coated it. The sexual assault was because 'his girlfriend was younger than him and they got caught having sex,' and I fell for it. I just cried. He left, kissed me, and apologized. And I bawled the whole way home. I was so ashamed in myself. I got home and cried for two hours. Here I was, completely shattered because I (thought I) had gotten to know this man. I had feelings for him and EVERYTHING WAS A LIE. I was TRULY happy that week that we had dated, and there I was, a bawling mess because he was nowhere NEAR the man he told me he was.
I quit eating. I didn't bother getting out of my pajamas unless I had to go to work; even there, I was a zombie. My parents were walking on eggshells around me, because they knew everything that had happened. I couldn't sleep; I cried nearly every day for weeks. I had given this man my trust, my love. I do not trust people easily, but for some reason, he gave me the ability to trust him and open myself up to him.
My sister is a cop, most of you know that. She talked to his probation officer, and he got in trouble for violating certain probation rules. He was set to go to jail because of the violations, for about a week. That week turned into two, because his probation officer got word of the fact that he had given me a fake name. Now he's facing revocation of his probation because a false name is considered a Class H felony.
I still, to this day, even though he's been in jail for two weeks and I haven't been able to speak to him, feel disgusted, remorseful, ashamed, embarrassed, hurt, worthless, violated, used and every other horrible word I can think of. I have to learn to love myself all over again. I have to learn to trust, to love, and to be myself again. People keep telling me, 'Honey, you didn't know, you couldn't have known, it's not your fault, don't feel so bad about yourself,' but no one gets it.
I've never been the pretty girl. To have a guy give me the time of day is a miracle. This man actually seemed to care about me. And I truly felt he did. But upon talking to his probation officer, she kept saying, 'I'm just worried for your safety. He is a very manipulative man, he knows how to work the system and people. I just am so worried about you, you need to be very careful with him.'
And I cried, more. It was all a game to him, apparently. He lured me in, just like he intended to. I cannot explain how awful I feel about myself. How STUPID I was to get lured in by this psychopath and NOT EVEN KNOW. How could I be so STUPID?
I get through it, day by day. Today was just one of those days. I was okay writing this up until the paragraph before this one, and I started to cry. I know maybe I'm just over-exaggerating and I'm being an over-emotional teenager, but I've just been put through such an emotional strain the past month, it gets hard to cope. Sometimes I just need to cry.
There you go. That's where I've been hiding the past month. I know some of you will judge me for the mistakes I've made (and seem to keep making), but I just needed to vent and get it off my shoulders.
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Now please keep it that way and don't take calls from him and don't contact him either. He's history, a brutal reminder of what could have happened but didn't. You have been saved, lucky girl. 
Originally Posted by buttercup132
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Lilith Cherry
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