Kind of a rough week...can anybody relate?

[Soapets]

My 17-year-old son lives in a residential group home for youth with behavioral problems. He is doing well there. He got to visit us here at home Friday night, Saturday, and Sunday, on a "Home Pass" but wasn't feeling well. We took him back there on Sunday evening. On Sunday he was the exact same age, to the day, that I was the last time I saw my mother alive---which was on Thursday, August 17th, 1978, when I was 17. (My twin sister and I went to St. Louis with my Aunt and Uncle the next day, for a brief vacation before our Sr. year in high school was supposed to start.) So it was rather difficult telling him goodbye when we dropped him off there at his group home. I kept wondering what it would be like to never, ever see him again..............

My mother died on August 22, 1978, at the age of 42. Tomorrow (Friday, August 25th) will be 28 years to the day since her funeral. It will also be the day that my son is the exact same age, to the day, that I was on the day my mother died. (His Birthday is May 1st, and mine is April 28th, so it's easy to figure out the "exact age" in this case.) ANYWAY, it is kind of strange knowing that the next time I see my son, which will be tomorrow night, he will be older than I was the last time my mother ever saw me. I feel like I will be seeing him through a new set of eyes, or from a whole new perspective, or something like that. It's really, really strange. It's difficult to describe. (I went through something similar a few years ago when I reached, and then surpassed, the age my mother was when she died.)

So that stuff has kind of been on my mind. (I KNOW that I was a LOT more mature when I was that age than my son is now! I just KNOW it! ) And then to top it all off, I caught whatever it was my son had that was making him not feel well. I missed work on Tuesday and Wednesday because I felt like my head was about to explode. I had a sore throat, headache, sinus pressure and drainage, ears hurt, and I was extremely tired. I went and had a test for strep throat yesterday, even though I didn't think that's what I had. My bosses wanted me to have that done. It was negative.

I went to work this morning, but had the afternoon off. So I went to the doctor this afternoon. I have ear infection in both ears, sinus infection, bronchitis, and my asthma is acting up. (My temperature was only 95.9, so now I have it documented on my medical record that my "normal" temperature is extremely low compared with the average person's "normal" temperature! Usually when I go to the doctor when I'm sick, and my temperature reads around 98.6 , they tell me I don't have a fever. They have never believed me when I've tried to tell them that for me, that IS a fever.)

ANYWAY, I know it is "normal" for someone who has experienced loss to go through these different stages of grief at different stages of their lives. I am wondering if any of you have had similar experiences that you would like to share here. For people who have had recent losses, it might help them to understand that this kind of thing is perfectly normal, and that it is OK to have these kinds of thoughts and feelings. To those of you who have experienced losses further in the past, maybe it will help you, also, to see that these kinds of things will come up again and again and again throughout your lifetime, as you go through different stages in your own life. So if anyone else wants to share your own experiences with this kind of thing, feel free to do so here......................

Deb

[CathyBogart]

I can't relate, but *Hugs*

[moosmom]

Deb,

I can relate. My Mom passed away in 1973 at the age of 44 from lung cancer(she was a heavy smoker). She was taken out of our home unconscious and brought to the hospital where she didn't regain consciousness. I never got to say goodbye or I loved her. When my 44th birthday came up, I felt "weird". I can't describe the feeling but it was definitely eery.

Because we never know when our time is up, I ALWAYS tell the people who are close to me how much I love and appreciate them.

[cyber-sibes]

I can relate to you. My mother died the night before my 40th birthday. I was there with her in the hospital, talking to her (even though she was unconscious) all night long. It seemed so weird...40 years earlier, she was helping me come into this world, and now, 40 years later, I was helping her leave it in the same time frame. She took her last breath right about the actual time I took my first. I felt very emotional every year around my birthday, it always seems so lonely without her, I miss her so much. When I turned 50, I made sure to tell alot of people & had a picnic, because I didn't want to turn 50 alone. It helped to erase some of the pain & sense of loss, now my birthdays still bring it up, but I don't feel so emotional about it.