I just want to crawl in a hole, and die. . .. *vent*

[Toby's my baby]

You know what I found out (a long time ago, but even more so today), it SUCKS being a teenage girl!!

Here's the story. . .. .

Ok, so obviously, girls like guys and vise versa. Well, my sister has a "boyfriend" but I dont. She talks to him at school, and every night on the phone. I dont have a "boyfriend" but, I met this guy about 3 weeks ago, but he goes to a different school, so I too, have been on the phone everynight with him. Dylan (the guy I like, whom also like me) and his friend Tyler (a friend of both of ours) came to my house today. But, they said they were coming over about 20 min. before they were going to be here. Well, I looked like CRAP, so I had to put makeup on, do my hair, and get dressed, and I didnt get a chance to ask my mom if it was ok if they came over. A while ago, she said it was fine if we had guys over, just as long as we stayed in the kitchen or living room, no going up stairs. So Dylan and Tyler come over, and they stayed here for about 2 hours. We talked, and played with the pups (the girls LOVE them ). After a while, they went home.

My dad is VERY protective. But he has aloud us to talk on the phone everynight for a long time. But tonight was IT. We had a "family meeting". It was awful. I've been crying ever since. There is a LOT more to it, but to make the story short, we can only talk on the phone for 20 min. each night (sounds like a lot, but to a busy teenage girl, who doesnt get to talk to ppl any other way, it means a LOT), but I cant talk to Dylan every night, and my sister can't talk to her boyfriend everynight. Only once or twice a week. And NO guys can call our house, EVER. Dylan is the ONE person that I can tell things to. I have plenty of girl friends, but I go to an extremly small school, so everybody knows everything, before you even get the chance to tell them. So Dylan is the only person, since he doesn't go to my school. I'm going to miss him SO much, but hopefully, if he's the good friend that I know he is, he'll understand. I feel so bad right now, and I just needed to vent. Thanks guys!

[Lizzie]

It's so awful being a teenage girl that I can still remember how horrible it could be forty years later - and I'm not being sarcastic. My father was very protective also, made worse by the fact that I was the eldest and only girl. One night my boyfriend's car broke down and we got back home at 10:30pm instead of 10pm. My father was standing in front of the door to the house with his belt in his hands. I wasn't hit, fortunately, but I was grounded for a while. I was 16. I really, really wanted to be a boy, they had so much more freedom.

You didn't say how old you are, and that can help us with a response - though perhaps others who have been here much longer already know. Did you get the impression that if you had said anything first about the boys coming over that the reaction would not have been as bad? Did your father react as though you had gone behind his back? What you are seeing is his initial reaction, which is always a little extreme. Be reasonable and don't try to do what he told you not to. When he's calmed down, perhaps he (or more likely your mom) will listen to you as you talk about what a good friend Dylan has become. If that works, he may be able to come over for a family meal.

[luvofallhorses]

(((hugs))) It is tough, but it will get better. I promise. Keep your chin up.

[king2005]

Why don't you 2 bother get MSN or ICQ or AOL or YAHOO messenger?

I met Rob on ICQ & we chatted for several weeks on that, then we were on the phone for weeks more & about a months later, I met him.. However my dad wasn't over protective with me as I was 16, smart, never had a boyfriend before & was head strong, oh I was also open with my dad (he bought me alot of ladies things)...

BUT since your dad is very protective & has strict rules, a messenger is a great way to chat with people

But be smart, do not accept photos from him (or anyone), do not get mad at your dad, actually agree with him, it'll show maturity. Don't talk about things he doesn't like, dress mature (no mini skirts) & covered.

Remember he loves ya

[Toby's my baby]

Thanks everybody. I have msn, but I'm not supposed to have it. . . but i do, and I am on there very often. I talk to dylan once in a while on there, but he's not on much, and its just not the same. . . .

I wouldn't say I wen behind his back, letting the boys come over, even though, that's kindof the way I put it. I knew that my dad would probably be in the livingroom watching tv, and my mom in the basement when they came over. Yes, my mom did say that if I would have told them they were coming over, they might not have been as mad. I apologized, and said i was really sorry. . . .

I dress mature, i guess. All I wear are jeans and tee shirts, I dont have any low shirts, maybe one or two. . ? No skirts (self consious, even though ppl say my legs arent fat )

[carole]

You know something it is also really tough being a parent of a teenage girl, I know you probably don't want to hear that right now, but as i am the mother of a teenage girl i thought i would tell you how i feel sometimes, because you want to protect those you love so much, i try not to be too tough or hard with rules on my daughter, but i then worry i am being too lenient, even so she still says we are over protective too,because her friends are allowed to do more than she. but i think back to my own teen years and i know she gets a way with blue murder in comparison.

I also learnt being too strict only makes your kids rebel and want to leave home very early in life as i did at 16, so sometimes you feel damned if you do and damned if you dont.

I understand you feel your parents are being mean and not fair, but they truely do have your best interests at heart and only worry something bad might happen to you or that you become too involved with someone too young and of course they will want you to complete your studies for a good life in the future.

Sorry i hope i dont appear to be lecturing you or un-sympathetic, just trying to help you see their side a little, maybe you should discuss it with them as to why they have put these new rules in place, it might help you understand their motives better, good luck and try not to be too sad, life gets better, and yes we were all once teenagers remember that, HUGS.

[buttercup132]

dress mature (no mini skirts) & covered.

She said shes a teenager ...most of them do wear that stuff , well not mini skirts but low shirts...lol

[king2005]

She said shes a teenager ...most of them do wear that stuff , well not mini skirts but low shirts...lol

I know, thats why I said it... Just because "most" teens do it, doesn't make it a mature thing to do. As most guys see them as open for business & parents also see it that way, so they feel the need to protect their daughtors even more.

10yrs ago my parents split up. We use to be the family everyone wanted to be, not anymore .. I faught my butt off to move in with dad, I won at 14yrs old after my mom broke the law & the judge was really ticked off at her.

Well I wore jeans, t-shirts, no makeup or anything all that girly. My sister stayed with mom. Mom bought her ummm sluty clothing (mini skirts, jeans with holes in the butt & crotch, mini shirts, ect. My sister liked the attention she was getting from guys, as she was never popular with any group. My sister became open for business at around 14yrs old til about 18yrs old, drugs & booze is all mixed in there aswell. (my dad was mad, but there was nothing he could do)..

My sister is turning 21 next month & she can not go back to our home town without guys litterly trying to rape her, as they know shes open when she drunk/stoned. People harrass her on the streets & call her all day long when they know shes in town...

The above doesn't happen to "all" girls, but some parents are scared it will, so if you dress down (jeans & a normal t-shirt), there is less for parents to worry about.


edit: She no longer dresses like that. Its all jeans & shirts that cover her up.

[Toby's my baby]

Carole - Thank you so much for that. I want to let YOU know, that I LOVE getting your replies on my threads where I am venting about my parents, because it does let me see the other side of things, when I can't see it, no matter how hard I try.

I think my mom is really worried, because she got pregnant the year after she graduated. I've heard stories after stories about how her life sucked so bad, and how my two older brothers had the worst lifes.

Thanks again everybody!

[Alysser]

I know dads! My dad is so annoying with boys I can't even believe it! He says if I EVER am *allowed* to get a boyfriend he has to check him out. Okay, I get that. But then he goes "Your uncle and godfather has to check him out to!" UGH! I know he is serious. My godfather would literally KILL him if I was ever hurt and whatever. I am really mad about that. My mom is okay with having boys over as long as an adults there. But my dad can't even be told a boy was in the house.

((HUGS)) Im really sorry you can't talk to Dylan that long. He sounds like a great guy and you seem to be in a real pickle. Sorry about that! I just want you to know alot of teen girls go through this to.

[moosmom]

I used to get SUPER pissed when it came to rules and regs of the house when I was your age. I couldn't date till I was 16. I couldn't wear stockings (that's what they called them BEFORE pantyhose arrived on the scene). I couldn't wear jeans to school, only dresses and skirts, my curfew was midnight on the weekends.

I'm going to tell you what MY father always told me back if I complained about any of it. It didn't make sense then. But believe me, he was right on the money.

"You may not understand NOW, why I do the things I do when it comes to you. But I can promise you, you WILL when you have children of your own."

I never met a more wise man when it came to that statement.

[catnapper]

I'm sorry, but I'd have reacted the same way. Did you see my thread in Cat Genreal about my daughter doing basically the same thing?

Chances are the phone limit was instilled because both of you were burning up the phone time and not spending as much time on your studies and with the family. Smart dad.

As for IM.... it is VERBOTEN around here to have that on the computer. If we find that on the 'puter whoever installed it lost all computer priveledges for a long. long while. IM is a BAD program that opens a back door to the computer system for huijackers and such. Besides, teens spend entirely too much tie on IMing people, and can get themselves into trouble with it. Too much power and freedom for someone who hasn't learned much about life

[moosmom]

Listen to Kim. She speaks from experience, so do I. We may sound old (nothing personal, Kim) but we know what we're talking about. Been there, done that!!

[Toby's my baby]

Thank you Donna and Kim! I know my parents just want the best for us, but it seems like it's just pushing us away. I know that deep down inside, somewhere, I love my parents very much. We (me nad my sister) help my parents when they need it, working for my dad, or helping my mom clean the house. But they always complain about us not telling them things, like what happened in school etc. We DO tell them, but everytime I try to tell my mom something, she just ignores us, she's too interested in the show she's watching, or she just doesnt seem to care. .

[catnapper]

Then why try to talk to her when she's into a show? I had this SAME EXACT discussion with my girls. They complained I wasn't listening when they were talking, and I asked them why they always chose the exact moment I am least receptive. I told them that when I'm folding laundry, walking the dog, etc, that I am COMPLETELY able to talk to them. I'd love to chat while matching socks. I might fall over if one of my girls sat next to me and started sorting with me Its a matter of watching mom and seeing what she's doing.... why choose moment where she is 100% focused on something? Why not go into the kitchen as she's starting dinner and ask her if you could help. As you are hopping onions, start talking about your day. You are responsible for choosing the times you try to talk to your parents. Imagine your dad walking in on your 20 minute phone time and wanting to talk. You'd probably turn a deaf ear to him just as he turns a deaf ear to you while he's winding down watching the tv show he's waited all week to see. Same thing.

The only one pushing away is YOU. Believe me, your parents are not trying to push you away - in fact they are trying to find a way to pull you back in. They miss the sweet little girl who came running ot them when she had a boo-boo on her knee. Now that liuttle girl is a teenager and seems to always solve her own problems and seems to shy away from coming to them for anything other than money or a car ride.