I need to talk...

This past week and today have been so emotional for us. To back up, Mark's Mom was diagnosed with multiple myeloma (bone cancer) back in 1998. We thank God for every day, and especially for the 3 years that she has out-lived the Dr.'s predictions.

Well, in the last 2 weeks, she has gone downhill so drastically. :( You almost cannot recognize her, and today she admitted that she is nearing the end. :( She is suffering so much, and it just tears me apart inside. It also tears me apart to watch Dad, usually so strong. And he is struggling so much. (She has lost 15 pounds since Thursday)

They found another (she has had 2 previously) vertebrae that has exploded/shattered from the cancer. Radiation helped with the first two, but this time she has no strength or resources to withstand it. So, Friday was her last day of radiation, and she isn't going to take anymore. Basically, she is at home waiting out the time.
:(

I cried the whole way home, and now my head hurts. I have no-one to talk to that understands. I have to be strong for Mark, and strong for his family.

I don't know what to do. Money can't buy what we need, all we can give is our time.

Please, God, help us through this time. Please, God......

I know so well the incredible emotional pain you're feeling right now Anna. I lost my mom to cancer and my father has leukemia and recently, had a major setback. Seeing him deteriorate was so devastating for me too. You're doing all you can, being there for her and offering her your support and strength. And I know how difficult it is to summon that strength when you feel like falling apart. At times such as these, often it is the family who suffers the most because they feel so helpless. I wish there was something I could say to make the sadness go away, but I can't. I can only tell you that I understand what you and all of your family are going through right now. Your mom in law has a very special daughter in you, and no doubt, she knows how much you love her. You have a shoulder to lean on in me Anna. I will say a special prayer tonight for Mark's mom and for you. Go dry those tears, wash your face and take a deep breath and hug someone you love, with or without fur:) Right now you need a little comforting of your own. We're here for you Anna, every step of the way. Love, Sandra

I'm so sorry. I really don't know what to say other than a lot of us here can be here for you. I know it must be terribly hard to deal with. I'm sure Mark wouldn't mind you showing some emotion. It might help him to deal with it, too. pm me if you need to talk some more.

I'm so sorry for this terrible time {{{{HUGS}}}} We went through the same thing with my husband's mother two Christmases ago. She just deteriorated in front of our eyes. Just spend as much time as possible with her. We remember those last moments spent with her and cherish them.

I also lost my mom to cancer and my father to leukemia.
As Sandra said it is very devastating and such
an emotional roller coaster.
You are their for her and trying to keep up her
spirits by showing how much you love her
and what she means to you all.
That is all you can do.
And that will mean the world
to her.
Take the time to take care of yourself too.
Hugs Karen

I am so sorry. I know this is so hard to deal with. I just lost my mom in May. She had suffered 7 fractured vertebrae last year and was actually starting to improve from that a little when her heart stopped in her sleep. Even though she had been through such a rough year and had no real life outside of the house it was still an shock to. I don't think you can really be prepared for this. I know she just couldn't take anymore and at least she went peacefully. I pray Mark's mother goes that peacefully.

You all are in my thought and prayers.

I'm so sorry, Anna. I lost both my parents to cancer. My mom when I was 17 and my Dad Sept 29th of last year. I know it's hard but if you can tell her, when she's ready, that it's ok to go it'll be that much easier on her. My Dad suffered and suffered and finally after 3 days in total delirium , he came back to us for one final day. That last evening, we told him it was ok to go, and he passed away that night. It seems to ease them a bit, if they know we're ok with it. I hope her passing is as painless as possible.

You're whole family will be in my thoughts. :(

Anna,

We are here for you!!

I can relate to what you are going through with Mark's mom. My mother was diagnosed with cancer at the age of 44, in January of 1973. She went through chemo and radiation and came home to wait it out as well. It's very difficult to be strong when you see someone you love in pain and not be able to do anything about it.

My dad had to give my mother shots of Morphine for the pain. She passed away that October. I was only 19.

I will say a prayer for you and your family. Hang in there sweetheart and don't forget to take care of yourself too!

I am so sorry to read this , and how much distress you are in, We here at PT are there for you anytime, please know that, this is indeed a very stressful and agonising time for you, and everyone of us feels your pain,so many have experienced it and can offer you such love and warmth and understanding, so please post as often as needed , we are all here with an available shoulder to cry on.

I wish we could ease your heartache, but if knowing we all care and are here to help, makes you feel a little better, then thats what is important.

This is very sad, for all of you, just want to send you my love and HUGS, and let you know you are not far from my daily thoughts. Take care.

Oh honey, I'm so sorry. :(

Time is what is needed now, not money, so don't feel bad about that. I wish there was no pain in the world too, that she would be free of at least that. :(

Just be there for Mark and come here for you. It sounds like such a horrible time...I wish I could make you feel better.

The only thing I can offer is an eye to read anything you want to let out of your hurting heart.

Can you get away for just a few minutes? Take a bath and eat some chocolate? Just a short get away may help you feel a tiny bit better.

Please take care and know we are here for you.

Love,
Kelly

Oh Anna, I'm so sorry to hear about your MIL:(

I wish there was something I could say to make you feel better but I know there isn't. Just know that I'm here any time you need to talk.

I can't imagine what you and Mark are feeling right now.

I'll be keeping the both of you and your family in my prayers tonight.

You will be in our prayers. This will be an awful time for you, this I know, but you WILL get through it. Be with her, let Mark have special times alone with her, hug her gently and let her know you love her even now, and always will.

This is a poem I wrote for my friend Christine, who lost her mother to a rare form of cancer not long after I lost mine to ALS - Lou Gehrig's disease. Please read ut for yourself, and for Mark.

Mothers


Our mothers make us,
raise us, teach us,
and then, at least the best ones,
let us go.

Then,
sometimes much too soon,
we must return the gift
and let them go,
sometimes all at once,
sometimes bit by painful bit.

But, just as they
did not completely let us go,
still worrying in secret
when we were silent too long,
or made choices they didn't understand
still loving us
despite silence, or physical distance
remembering our birthdays
when we weren't paying attention ourselves

We, too, will not let go.
We will keep their love with us
keep a smile, a bit of laughter
a half-remembered (heart-remembered) lullaby
And all they taught us,
intentionally or not

We will forever be our mother's daughters
every bit as much as we are their free, grown children
And in the shape of our eyes, perhaps,
the line of a jaw, the timbre of voice
and the stories we tell their grandchildren

We carry our mothers with us, for everyone to see.
(And marvel at: they live on, still.
Death never wins.)

Thank you so much for the kind words, and thank you Karen, for sharing the poem. I am printing it out for us, and will hang it on our mirror. Your words mean more to me than you can know!

Here is a picture of my Mom-in-law, taken last Thanksgiving...

http://www2.innevi.com/~emenay/mom.jpg

Anna I can hardly type after reading Karen's poem. Karen that was beautiful. I too shall print it out. It is hard being a grown-up isn't it? Silly that I say that at my age, but yet the days when we were little are not so hard to recall. It is so easy to look back and remember when our moms and dads were robust and full of health and we could lean on them physically as well as emotionally and they dried all of our tears. Now as we grow older the tables turn and we find ourselves being the comforters, the ones who they turn to just as we did years ago.

My father-in-law died in March. He died of pulmonary edema after years of being bedridden from a stroke. His lungs were filling up with water, making it impossible for him to get enough air to breathe. He was given morphine for his last few days and we all sat around in a vigil. I can remember the night he passed away. We had all left around 9:00 PM and my mother-in-law called a little after 1:00 AM and, in tears, told us he was with the Lord. May it comfort you to know that at the end of your mother-in-law's struggle she will awake to a new morning with a body totally whole and in the presence of God. Please know that your whole family is in our prayers, and come here any time you need to talk. (((Hugs)))

I'm so sorry! I know you must be dealing with so much and it's hard to stay strong. I'm sending love, prayers, and hugs your way sweetie. Please know we all love you!

Oh, Anna, my heart is just aching for you. Everyone here has given such wounderful advice and offered up such warm kindness and I couldn't say it any better. Please know that we all care and are here for you. Come and talk to us anytime you feel you need to. I really really do care and I'm a good listener. Feel free to pm me anytime if you need to. I really mean that.

You and yours will be on my prayer list this evening.

Hugs....Robin

Dearest Anna... I'm so so sorry that you and Mark are going through this.

I can't possibly find words that would fix this all for you, but I do want you to know that we love you and any time you feel the need to talk... just talk away!


{{HUGS}}

Give those two sweet Labby boys hugs from me.. I know that'd make me feel good!

I am so sorry for your family Anna. My heart breaks for you.
Please know I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers.

Anna, I am so sorry you are going through this - my prayers & thoughts are with you all this time.

Oh Anna. :( I just read this now. I can't imagine the pain you are going through right now. It is ever so difficult to see a loved one suffer. Your mother-in-law, family, and of course youself, are in my prayers. If you need to talk, we are always here for you. May God make things easy for your MIL, and entire family.

{{{hugs}}}

I'm so sorry.. :( :(

Quote:

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Originally posted by CountryWolf07
Anna, I am so sorry you are going through this - my prayers & thoughts are with you all this time.

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Ditto

I apologize firstly for not reading this until now, and secondly for not having the words to bring you comfort at this difficult time. Your mother-in-law looks like a very sweet and caring person. My thoughts and prayers are with you. :(

Anna, I'm so very sorry to hear what you're going though. :( I wish I could say something to help. I know what a hard time it is for you and Mark, but at least you have each other.

Knowing you have done everything you can for your mother in law, will hopefully be a comfort to you and Mark - I know it was for me.

Your mother in law looks like a very sweet and loving lady, I will keep her in my thoughts and hope she won't suffer much.

Anna, talk about this as much as you need, in my experience it helps to get it out, and we're all here for you!

Hugs to you! :)

Anna, I just saw this post, and I am so sorry for all that your MIL is going through, and the terrible grief and pain that you are all feeling. Please know that she and all of you, will be in our prayers.

Logan

Dear Anna, I am so very sorry that you and your family have to go through this painful time. There are no words right now that will make it any easier, but know that our thoughts and prayers are going your way.
Hugs...

There are no words that can make the pain go away, but I know that just knowing that people can relate and that they are praying for you too really does help. I lost my grandfather to a stroke three days after Christmas almost three years ago. He seemed to be improving and then one night he was gone. I didn't even get to say goodbye because I was out of town. :(. It's hard, but there are lots of PT prayers on the way for you and God always knows what is best!

I'll be praying for you!

{{{Anna}}} You, your DMIL, and all your family are in our prayers.

(((HUGS)))
Your mother in law looks like such a dear, sweet lady .... I am so very sorry to hear of her suffering. :(

I don't have the words to make things better either, but please know that you are in my thoughts, and I pray that the Lord will end her suffering in a peaceful manner and that HE will comfort yours and Mark's hearts! ;)

Kim

I just thought I would give you an update. Mom is back in the hospital for pain management. We spent a lot of time with her last night and this morning, and are expecting to go back this evening after Mark is out of work.

None of us really expects that she will be home again, and she told us her goodbye's last night. As of this afternoon, she is still clinging onto life, but barely.

Thank you so much for the prayers, good thoughts and wishes, and hugs. They mean so much to me!

I'm so very sorry about this Cookiebaker. Just recently I lost my cousin to brain cancer and watching her "go" was not easy. Now is the time to tell her all the things you've wanted to. The fact that she has said her "good-byes" is an indication that she's ready to go. I remember after my father died I was told that sometimes the survivors have to give the patient permission to go and that they hang on because they love the survivors so much and want to know that they are going to be OK.

Sending big big {{{{{HUGS}}}}} to you and Mark and the rest of the family. Sending prayers too for a peaceful passing.

Oh Anna:( I'm so sorry:( I pray that God gives your mother in law, you and Mark peace and comfort during this very sad and challenging time:( I'm thinking of you Anna and sending you and Mark all my love. I pray for a peaceful passing. {{{HUGS}}} Sandra

Anna I'm so sorry to hear about this. I really don't know what to say other than that you and your family will be in my thoughts and prayers.

I am so sorry Anna. I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers during this difficult time.

Oh Anna ::hugs::


I'm so sorry to hear all of this! ::hugs::

You will be in my thoughts and prayers.

Ashley

I too am sorry Anna. I wish I knew something to say to make you feel better, but needless to say I don't:(
Just know I'm still keeping you all in my prayers.

Anna, the only thing that I can think of to try to comfort you is to picture all of us at Pet Talk in a circle around you - each sending you prayers and strength into the center of the circle - You - into your soul.

It is such a difficult time for you and your family and I am just glad that you could come here so that so many of us could attempt, each in our own way and words, to comfort you.

God Speed!

{{{{{Anna and Mark}}}}} my heart goes out to you - what a sad time to be going through - but your going through it together - and you'll give each other strength.

Your dear Mum in law looks a lovely, caring lady - and you now have to say your final Goodbyes and let her go - oh my heart aches for you - I know you don't want to lose this very precious lady - you'd do anything you can to keep her - don't. Let her go with the peace and love of a wonderful family all round her.

Remember what a number of people have said - if you feel she needs it - give her permission to go..

Anna I'm so sorry - I'm crying as I type 'cos it was three years ago yesterday I lost my own Mum - yesterday was another difficult day - I'll have to go.

Love Lynne xxx

Anna, you and Mark, and the rest of the family, especially your mother in law are in my prayers continuously. I hope that she is not in pain.