Darned Humans

All I wanted to do was go outside.

The dog gets to go out.

My boy gets to go out.

Every time I try to go out the Humans stop me.

Finally, yesterday afternoon the short humans left the door open long enough for me to finally do what I've wanted to do since I wandered down the driveway.

I escaped, and went out on the deck. Nobody noticed I had left, so I poked around a little, but it's so big out there I guess I got scared. I found a hole in the deck and jumped down through to hide until I felt safe. I guess I fell asleep.

When I woke up it was dark out, and I saw another cat. I wen over and tried to say hi, but she kept going. Just when I thought I was going to get to roam around a little and see what this is like, the big human came out and saw me. I ran back into the hole I had gotten into earlier, but the humans saw me. My boy and his sister came out to try and lure me out, but I wasn't going to fall for it. The big human jumped on teh deck to try and scare me out, but I was comfy in my hidey hole and I just stayed, hoping they'd go away so I 'd get a chance to explore. Then I heard a loud whine, and all of a sudden the top of my hole came off. I tried to stay in there, but the big human had me.

The indignity of it all.

I got my fur dirty trying to get back into the hole, and I had to spend the night in the laundry room.

This morning when the big human got home it got worse. I got wet.

REALLY wet.

And got rubbed up with some stinky stuff.

And then got MORE wet. I tried to get away from teh wet stuff, but then my boy came in and HELPED the big human.

I'm a mess.

It's going to take me furrever to get my fur back in place.

I'll take treats from them, but I ain't talking to ANYONE.

All I wanted to do was go exploring.

Are anyone else's humans this cruel?

-Patch.

Oh, Patch, the world is a dangerous place for kitties, even intrepid explorers like yourself! You'll have that fur back in place in no time, I promise!

Oh Patch, please don't sneak out again! It's a dangerous world out there for a kitty who doesn't know the way around. Be thankful those humans got you back in!

~signed Tessa, who used to be a feral cat~

Patch, I'm so glad you're home. We were very worried about you. I hope you will learn to forgive him,

Oh, Patch, it's a Bad, Bad world even for outdoor kitties, wise to the ways of the world. Your humans are protecting you and keeping you safe. They would miss you terribly.

Respectfully,
Jane, Lady Grey
The Blue-Gray Cat, who has no desire to visit the outside again.

*giggle* I am so sorry, but this is quite well written and I am giggling and laughing right now! :) Love the "taking treats but not talking to them" line.

Patch, I am glad you are home, safe and sound. I hope you NEVER put your humans through the worry again. I've been through it, know what it feels like. And if you don't go out, you can't get that dirty to need such a bathing with "stinky stuff."

Was the "whine" a power drill removing screws to get the "top" off the hidey hole?

Patch sounds like she's a little crabby too!;)

Patch , your Humans mean well!!:love:
Sadly there are many bad things that can happen to a Cat outside:eek: not everyone likes Cats.:cool:
We pray that you get a small space where you can look out and see what happens while still safe:cool:

Patch you are so lucky your humans found you!!! Outdoors is a very dangerous place for kitties. We lost our cat mommy and Frankie lost his 3 sibbies all from being outside!!!! Do enjoy being inside and all safe and snuggly. Making them giving you extra treats is a very good thing. :love:
Chip, Chuck, and Frankie

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Freedom

Was the "whine" a power drill removing screws to get the "top" off the hidey hole?

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That's exactly what the whine was.

Evidently we've been forgiven somewhat, as I had a slightly still damp visitor "sharing" the bed with Lady and I this afternoon.

:D:D:D great post! Patch I am sorry you had to suffer "indignities" at the hands of your humans ... however, snoopervising in the big outdoors does have its drawbacks;)

Glad you're home, safe and sound, and snuggling - it's all good:D

Pathch, outside ain't as good as you think it is. My old owners used to throw me outside with no food and water and be gone for DAYS! I had to find my own food and water and that was HARD! I had to roam around the neighborhood and find my way inside of houses that had cats so I could get their food. Most of the time I was discovered by their Meowmie and thrown right back outside. Then, one day, one of the Meowmies took me with her to her wurk and gave me to my present Meowmie who loves me very much. I get free fed, treats on demand, loves and pets, and so many soft places to take a cat nap! She also bought me a drinking fountain that gives me real nice tasting water whenever I want. Patch, INSIDE RULES!!!!:D
Your friend,
MacGyver

Hi Patch,
Sometimes our hoomins can be hard to figure out especially when they insist we stay inside. But we have to remember how lucky we are to have them. They feed us, take care of us, and keep us safe from things that can hurt us or make us sick. They give us a nice, warm place to live unlike our fellow kitties that have to get by all alone because they don't have hoomins who love them. Please stay inside where you're safe and most of all loved!

Your friend,
Groucho

Dear Patch,

Oh the indignity! Am I the only feline who understands the horror and humiliation to which you have been subjected???? If my humans even THOUGHT to put water on me....

I suggest you do what I do when offended.

One "present" - just one. Make sure you put it in a place that makes it difficult to see. I prefer under a table - on a patterned rug or - if I am truly inspired - on a patterned rug under a table.

It is very fun to watch them try and figure out how long it has been there...

Do take the treats though. You must keep up your strength...

Edwina/es

Edwina,

It's nice to see someone who understands.

I wish I could resist the call of the lap covered by the fuzzy blanket, but I can't. I spent yesterday afternoon stretched out in the big human's lap. When he got up I moved over to the softer lap, which isn't as long but it does in a pinch. I just can't resist the urge to fill a lap.

Thanks for the suggestion about revenge.........I think I know what I'll do with the next mouse I play with.

Maybe I can convince the big humans that I would do a really good job mole hunting in the garden this summer.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by mrspunkysmom

Oh, Patch, it's a Bad, Bad world even for outdoor kitties, wise to the ways of the world. Your humans are protecting you and keeping you safe. They would miss you terribly.

Respectfully,
Jane, Lady Grey
The Blue-Gray Cat, who has no desire to visit the outside again.

---

Dear Patch,

I couldn't agree with Lady Grey more. I was an outdoor kitty once. You can keep an eye on your kingdom by looking out the windows or the door. Indoors is much safer. Maybe your family can help you go outside safely if you wear a leash. My late fur-cousin Poco used to do that. But I am not interested in going outside again either. My human and I are so glad you are safe!

Sincerely,
Cassie

Dear Patch, please remember that "having something is often not as satisfying as wanting it....it's illogical but often true!" I'm glad you're safe and sound!:D

Hi Patch!

My humans are just as illogical about the whole outside thing. I try and try to be quiet and sneaky when they open the door, but I'm neven smeaky enough.

TWICE I've made it all the way out the door, only to be captured and put back inside.

Now my meowmie keeps a SCARY HISSING CAN THING by the door to scare me with then they are coming and going. It's so unfair!

Meowmie says something about "cars" and "raccoons" and fleas and a very busy intersection, but I think she just wants to keep all the outside fun to herself.

The dog says outside is lots of fun. I'm almost a growed-up cat, I should be able to decide for myself!!

Headbumpies,
Kyubey

Yeah, the big human keeps telling me I'm lucky I didn't become Coyote chow, but I know I'm big enough to deal with any mangy Coyote. Sorry to hear about teh scary hissing can thing, that just doesn't sound like any fun at all.

And I'm STILL!!!!! putting my fur back in place, I still don't smell right........but I miss laps too much, so I'm talking to the big humans again. I'm too much of a sucker for a good scritch.

Why do Humans enjoy torturing kitties and laughing at us?

These things they call "windows" are just a torture device for cats.

My humans live out in the sticks, whatever sticks are. They say that when they're telling other humans where they live. Evidently this involves built in torture for us felines, and great amusement for the humans.

I can see the birds through these kitty torture devices, but I just CAN'T get to them. They fly around the house, teasing me. When the windows are open, and I press my head up against the screen, I can see the birds going into their homes. But no matter how hard I try, I just can't get them.

The worst part is that when I get really wrapped up in trying to get to the birds, I forget how skinny the ledges under these "window" things are......and I fall off. The big humans say they let the birdnests stay because the birds eat bugs, but I don't buy it for a second. They just want to laugh at me while I'm trying to get to them.

Can someone help me understand these two legged kitty torturers??????

PLEASE????

Oh, Patch, you have my sympathies, but i bet you don't like getting mosquito bites any more than I do ... birdies EAT skeeters!

Poor Patch, you're just having a rough month aren't you?