I hope you don't mind me venting. A little lesson on friendship.

My friend Irene, the woman whose cat was killed by Jay Baldwin, called me at 6 a.m. this morning. Keep in mind she works and also does volunteer work, so I leave a message and she calls me back.

Anyway, her voice was monotone. I was half asleep. She and her mom lost their 18 year old dog Clyde to cancer a couple weeks ago. I've called her (she said I didn't) and left message to see how everyone was doing and to express my condolences. She made it a point of telling me that all their friends sent sympathy cards and brought food over. She accused me of not caring because Clyde was a dog and not a cat. I told her that simply wasn't true. I love all animals and Clyde was a great dog that I connected with.

She said she THOUGHT that we were friends and I assured her we were. She reminded me that when I lost MooShoo she sent a sympathy card and called everyday to see how I was doing. We live about an hour apart.

Last week I had a pet sitting job, and my best friend's Dad passed away so I had the wake and funeral. She didn't seem to care.

She seems to forget the times I supported her (for over a year) by driving an hour each way to attend the Jay Baldwin trial, making hundreds of phone calls to any and all media, writing letters, and donating $50 for the necropsy to prove "My Little Boy" didn't die of rat poisoning.

I told her that if she feels we no longer have a friendship, it would be her decision, not mine. I then said I can't deal with this right now (I was still half asleep) all the while she was continuing her rant. I hung up.

Am I a bad person??? :( I prayed every night to St. Francis for Clyde. I called many time to get an update on Clyde's condition. I didn't have the money for a card or postage, as little as it might seem.

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Originally Posted by moosmom

Am I a bad person???

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No you are not. We may not agree, Im not even sure if you like me. One thing Im certain of you are not a bad person.

I cant think of anything else to add.

I wouldn't judge too harshly - at this point anyway. It sounds like she was pretty devastated by the passing of her dog, and maybe in the confusion and grief, somehow missed your message. Perhaps when you have the funds, you could send her a combo sympathy/friendship type of card, and include a handwritten message in it too. It would be a shame to have a friendship end because of a misunderstanding.

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Originally Posted by pomtzu

I wouldn't judge too harshly - at this point anyway. It sounds like she was pretty devastated by the passing of her dog, and maybe in the confusion and grief, somehow missed your message. Perhaps when you have the funds, you could send her a combo sympathy/friendship type of card, and include a handwritten message in it too. It would be a shame to have a friendship end because of a misunderstanding.

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Ditto.

Blue,

Of COURSE I like you!!!!! We agree to disagree, that's all. And I love our debates.

I'm going to give her time. I know she's hurting. But to say that I didn't care because Clyde was a dog instead of a cat really hurt.

I have some babysitting money and will go out and get a card and send it to her. After that I'm done.

Donna, first off, I'd like to say no you're not a terrible person. I can see why you're upset and why you said those things. I would take it the same way I think. It most certainly doesn't make you a terrible person. I also feel though, that she said those things out of anger and grief. As much as we all say that's wrong to do, we all say things that we don't mean when we are mad our upset.

I think you should not only send a card, but also maybe make a phone call, explaining yourself. I'm sorry that this happened to you though, but I also feel it's a shame to have a friendship end so pointlessly.

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Originally Posted by moosmom

Blue,

Of COURSE I like you!!!!! We agree to disagree, that's all. And I love our debates.

I'm going to give her time. I know she's hurting. But to say that I didn't care because Clyde was a dog instead of a cat really hurt.

I have some babysitting money and will go out and get a card and send it to her. After that I'm done.

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I enjoy the debates as well Donna.

To me actions speak louder then cards or letters. She may just need time to see that you werent being less of a friend because you didnt send something she can hold and read. She may be using the cards and notes as a way to get through and cope with her grief.

Cut her some slack, she is grieving and unfortunately lashing out at you. If she is a good friend she needs the understanding.

I always try to give people the benefit of the doubt. She and her Mom have been through a lot with Clyde. A real roller coaster ride, and I get that. What really hurt was the accusation that I didn't care because Clyde was "only a dog" and not a cat.

I don't know, Donna, where your friend's rant came from. It just stuns me when I read situations like this; just unimaginable to me. I have many acquaintances, many friends, and several close friends. It is just unfathomable for any of us to have a conversation like that, so it is very hard for me to advise.

I have to agree there was grief involved and that had to be the basis. Try again to have a conversation later. That's all I can say. Good luck!

Try to remember that she might not realize the extent of what she says if she's grieving deeply. Give her time to get over it, sometimes it can be a long hard process. I'm sure she didn't mean it to sound so cruel. Don't be in a hurry to throw that frienship down the drain. True friends are hard to come by and we should cherish them even if they do sometimes hurt us. Even if you have to make a card, might mean a lot to her knowing you went to the trouble, but even a store bought card with a personal memo inside will make her realize she was a bit too harsh...

Just wanted to add although I know your more a cat person I have always seen you show lots of compassion for doggies too, never got that from you that you would feel different because it was a dog.

Your friend phoned at 6 AM - that strikes me as excessively early. She "forgot" all your efforts around this person's trial?. She "missed" your phone messages. She points out that other friends sent cards and brought food.

You're not a bad person at all. I'm going to disagree with everyone who has already posted and say you're done with this relationship (I'm having a hard time referring to it as a friendship) for now. Someone who is truly your friend wouldn't awaken you at 6 AM to rant about actions she perceives that you haven't taken (such as sending enough cards, phoning often to express condolences, and delivering food). I say you're done until she works through her grief, and she's the one who owes you the apology. Spend the baby-sitting money on YOU!

HUGS,
elyse

Donna i think she is just overcome with grief and being over sensitive, i don't think i would go and buy a sympathy card now, bit late really, leave her be for a while, and then give her a call and see how she is,it is a shame she had to hurt your feelings like that, you know you are a great loving person, so don't feel bad, i am sure in time it will sort itself out, here's hoping, HUGS.:love:

Sometimes grief overwelmes us and we lose control for a bit. Our pain is so deep............
Perhaps this is what happened.
Please know that you are a wonderful person and this is not your doing.
Continue please to be the great person you are and hopefully your friend will find her way back to common sense.

well said marigold, exactly how i am thinking.