How do you feel about graduations?

My son is graduating with two degrees this spring. Actrually, he earned the one degree last year and is finishing up the second this year. He absolutely does not want to "walk" in the graduation ceremony. He doesn't want to spend the money on the ceremony (they are charging him $100 to walk plus gown rental) and he doesn't want to sit through a couple hours of speaches when all he wants to do is get out and start life.

Hubby and I feel its his choice and we'll go along with what he wants. My in laws however are FURIOUS. They are trying to force him into walking in the ceremony. What is the big deal?

I know how he feels. I myself was forced to walk in my own graduation. For me, my graduation was presenting my senior thesis. It was a huge event that my family attended because I asked them to be there but nobody seemed to understand that the presentation was MY graduation, not the receiving the diploma thing.

How does everyone else feel? Is it important? Not so much?

If they want to pay for it, maybe ... if there's a particularly interesting or important commencement speaker. otherwise, how about throwing a nice party and inviting them, the day of his graduation. That way it will be an "event" and your in-laws can tell everyone they went to their grandson;s graduation.

It's one day, a few hours, and shouldn't be a huge deal either way. Usually you don't even get your actual degree that day, just a ceremonial piece of paper that you exchange for the real thing later.

Personally - if I spent all the time and effort and money for my education, then I think I'd want to flaunt it for a few hours. Maybe to keep peace in the family, he could oblige, but if he's absolutely dead set against it, then the opposite camp will just have to understand his position.

Good luck on this one.......:eek:

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Originally Posted by pomtzu

Personally - if I spent all the time and effort and money for my education, then I think I'd want to flaunt it for a few hours. Maybe to keep peace in the family, he could oblige, but if he's absolutely dead set against it, then the opposite camp will just have to understand his position.

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Ditto. I would want to celebrate my accomplishment.
But, if he's dead set against it, he needs to tell the inlaws that he's an adult now who makes his own decisions and ask that they respect them.

IMO ~ He needs to explain to them -- not you two. He's an adult now. Mom and Dad shouldn't have to take the heat for him.

My son just graduated college last year. He did not go and we did not make a big deal about it. I feel they are adults now. It is their life. If the inlaws want to foot the bill would he go?

My own son opted to not go to his graduation ceremony, he had what he went for and that was his diploma. None of us got upset about it, I was just PROUD that he got his diploma.

It is HIS graduation and he should do as he wants and people respect that. If he don't want a big show and to sit through all that hoop la, then he shouldn't have to.

I say just have a party or a meal out with everyone to celebrate the graduation and let that be it.. I would also leave it up to HIM to explain to the grandparents and let that be between them.

My bet is that if you asked all the graduatiing classes today, half would rather not go to the ceremony, they only do it because it is expected of them.

I loved attending each and every one of my graduation ceremonies! It was the last time to be with most of the people I'd spent those years with. (Only kept in touch with the close friends). Ceremonies are important, to mark milestones!

I have also NEVER loved attending anyone else's graduation, LOL.

Karen, I don't understand, I had 4, and received the "real diploma" at each one. Maybe things have changed since?

Anyway, I was just busting at the seams all day each time, I can't imagine NOT wanting to attend! Obviously, this is just me, lol.

I have so far only graduated from middle school, but I think the ceremonies are important. I felt so proud an accomplished, and it's basically your moment to shine. I agree, if I had spent that much time and effort into my education I'd want to be in the spotlight. :p

I never liked sitting through graduations though, I will admit those are pretty boring :P hehe I sat through my sister's high school one last year and wanted to shoot my eyes out.

I got to walk across the stage and get my diploma holder, like everyone else, but I had to finish a class in summer school to collect my actual diploma, which I still haven't picked up from them almost two years later. :o

I know I would still choose to attend my graduation but the speeches are boring, can't deny that. I don't think anyone should make an issue out of the fact your son doesn't want to attend. He still might change his mind on his own. I don't think I would have forced any of my kids to attend their graduations if they had chosen not to.

Well, speaking as someone who is graduating in May (9 more weeks *does a victory dance*) I would want to walk across the stage. I know several of the people in my class that aren't going to walk across the stage because they don't want to or for whatever other reason, but I want to celebrate the accomplishment. After spending years working your butt off to get to this point, walk across that stage :p. However, if your son doesn't want to walk across the stage, then it is his decision, (and I have to admit, if I had to pay $100, I'm not so sure if I'd be up to the idea of walking either.)

When I graduated from Ohio State last year, I walked. It was a BIG deal for me to do it. My grandfather graduated in the same stadium, and so did my uncles and my dad. :) Guess it was a meaningful thing for me to do. I was really proud of myself to finally get that diploma, but I ADMIT it... I fell asleep during the ceremony. It was 3 hours long and very warm in the building... it was bound to happen. I think I fell asleep for at least 20 minutes.

there is no way I would NOT walk across that stage. To me it's the final "I did it!", and a chance for my family and friends to help celebrate my accomplishment. Plus, it's the last time you'll see some of your classmates. Sure you have to sit through a few hours of ceremonies, but you had to sit through countless hours of classes beforehand just to get to this point. After this, it's done. Over. Kaput.

In this case, I think it all boils down to how much everyone wants to keep peace with the in-laws. If you have a good relationship with them and really want to keep it that way, then I would pay the fees for him and call it a "gift" or tell him he can work it off later. Or if he discusses it with them, they can offer to pay the fees instead if it's that important to them.

He's young. He's got plenty of time to live his life, a few hours of well-earned celebration won't cut into it much. However if he flat out refuses it's between him and them.

My sister-in-law has graduated from a couple different schools in the past few years and every time I went to her graduation, it took me back to my own. I really missed all the pomp and ceremony associated with it.

When my oldest niece graduated from college, we went to the ceremony for her academic area (education) but she opted not to participate in the one for the entire university.

My nephew's graduation was a long day. Only one graduation per year so we sat through the honorary doctorates, Ph.D. hoodings and master's candidates for that one minute of seeing him walk across the stage and hear his name called as a bachelor's degree recipient. The family of the graduate before him was making so much noise that we almost missed hearing his name called. We all had supper together afterward, so that was our chance to celebrate his achievement.

I also opted not to walk for both high school and college. For *me*, the ceremony felt silly but I seldom like ceremonies. For college it was VERY expensive. I am not real good about doing what is traditional though:D

I skipped all 3 of mine & would skip them all in a heart beat again.

I see them as a money grab & a total waste of time. Honestly, what do you get out of it? Besides showing off... Nothing, IMO... Getting the diploma in the mail was good enough for me.

I view weddings the same way. Why do I need to spend thousands of $$ on a party? Sorry, shouldn't my love & me be enough? However I will do the whole wedding thing if the event meant that much to my partner, but I'd still rather not... such a waste of money, IMO. Going to a JP for the tax benefit, is good enough for me.

I did the whole high school graduation thing. Everyone did, I guess it never occurred to any of us that skipping it was an option. It was ok, I didn't mind it. It's kind of fun with all your friends.

I also did the whole college graduation thing. My parents came 1400 miles to watch me graduate. I really couldn't have cared less by then and would have gladly skipped it. But, seeing as I was the first person in my family to ever graduate from college, they were very excited and proud. Also, they helped pay for my degree, so I figured I owed it to them, if it's what they wanted. It was boring and a hassle, and if it wasn't for my parent I wouldn't have attended.

If he doesn't want to walk, then he doesn't walk. Not sure it is that big of a deal, and yee-haw! no boring speeches.

BUT, I do feel something should be done to celebrate the event. An informal gathering, a picnic, whatever. Something that sets the day apart from others.

Like others, I, too, got my degrees that very day. If you didn't attend, it was mailed. I don't think I would be inclined to spend $100 just to participate, he he he...those schools got enough of my money. (Though, I did attend both my BA and JD ceremonies). Prolly wouldn't do it today. Good thing I am not planning on any more learnin'!

As for making him tell the in-laws...not sure I follow. Why not, when YOU are asked, say, "He has decided not to participate...not a huge deal to us"...as long as it isn't. Why pit the in-laws against your son? (WE want him to do it, he won't do it...so, go ask him why he won't do it...).

Glad to see its not such a big deal to others too :)

My son isn't one to revel in the limelight. He puts more importance on his running accomplishments than his educational ones. He plans on going to get his Masters, so he thinks its silly to mark graduating one school to move on to another. I understand his feelings completely.

Huuby and I already planned on throwing a nice family party to celebrate his graduation.... we feel that is better than sitting on uncomfortable bleachers, surrounded by crowds of people, to catch an itty bitty glimpse of him as he walks up on stage to collect his degree. Why is it better? Because we're able to spend time with him, talk to him about his future plans, and the whole family can do the same. On graduation day, its all hurry up and wait. Then stand around and wait some more. We might be lucky to get ten minutes' worth of photos. If thats all my inlaws want, we can borrow a gown and pose for photos! ;)

At the school I worked at, the diploma's were held onto until the gowns/robe's were turned back in... that was the reason for that. Reckon the graduates weren't to swift on turning the gowns back in.

I'll be the first one to graduate from college on my Mom's side, so to her it's a big deal and wants me to walk. My graduation will only cost $30 for the cap/gown/tassel and will only last an hour and a half, so it's not a big deal to walk. If it was $100 I probably wouldn't want to do it and would enjoy a dinner or picnic with family instead.

We receive our diplomas in the mail 2-4 weeks after the ceremony.

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Originally Posted by catnapper

Huuby and I already planned on throwing a nice family party to celebrate his graduation.... we feel that is better than sitting on uncomfortable bleachers, surrounded by crowds of people, to catch an itty bitty glimpse of him as he walks up on stage to collect his degree. Why is it better? Because we're able to spend time with him, talk to him about his future plans, and the whole family can do the same. On graduation day, its all hurry up and wait. Then stand around and wait some more. We might be lucky to get ten minutes' worth of photos. If thats all my inlaws want, we can borrow a gown and pose for photos! ;)

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THAT sounds like a plan! Want me to look and see if I still have my JD gown??? LOLOL...

If the person graduating that I was there to see graduate's last name began with an "A", no problem. If it begins with a "Z", I'll pass.

Graduations are B-O-R-I-N-G!!!! I'd rather go to the post-graduation celebration. LOTS more fun!!

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Originally Posted by catnapper

Huuby and I already planned on throwing a nice family party to celebrate his graduation.... we feel that is better than sitting on uncomfortable bleachers, surrounded by crowds of people, to catch an itty bitty glimpse of him as he walks up on stage to collect his degree. Why is it better? Because we're able to spend time with him, talk to him about his future plans, and the whole family can do the same. On graduation day, its all hurry up and wait. Then stand around and wait some more. We might be lucky to get ten minutes' worth of photos. If thats all my inlaws want, we can borrow a gown and pose for photos! ;)

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Now that is a plan :)
When I accomplish something I love hooking up with friends & going out for dinner or drinks at a pub (well, I'll drink pop & they'll do all the drinking LOL). But to me, thats far more fun.. If there are no friends around, then I go to McDonalds for a double cheese burger combo, & share my fries with Digi & Cam. Thats what I did when I received my Security certificate in Jan & again last week when I got my Security Licence. I might get to do it today (maybe tomorrow) if I get hired from the job interview I'm leaving for (right now). WOOT!

I think I still have my hood from my last university graduation (that I did not attend). So he could look "real official" :D if he wants a little encouragement for the next degree!

I went to a large school (Univerosty of Cincinnati). I chose not to attend the full school graduation, where they basically said "College of Engineering, Please rise" and everyone clapped for the graduates. Instead, I went to the smaller ceremony just for the College of Arts and Science, where they called individual names and everyone walked across the stage. I may have missed out on the big speaker (don't recall who it was) at the "Main grduation" but would rather have been with the smaller group. (They were on different days, I could have done both).

Of the four of us kids, mine was the only college graduation my Dad got to attend. He worked rotating shifts, so missed both my older siblings' graduations from a huge University, where there was plenty of pomp and circumstance, speeches, etc. I went with Ma in his stead to my big sister's graduation.

My college - Mass Art - was a much smaller graduation, and because of the rain that day was held in a humid gym, and instead of the huge orchestra my sibling's graduation had, there was a hired oompah band, playing "When the Saints Go Marching In." Yes, we wore caps and gowns, the cheapest imaginable ones, some kind of polyester, and nary a one was unadorned - it was art school, after all. The most impressive were the industrial design majors, which tended to have seriously crafted structures on their mortarboards. It was not a typical college graduation, but it was unique, and dad got to come!

The Archies (architects) at RPI would always do some kind of theme. For my BS graduation, Harrison Schmidt the astronaut was the main speaker; they did a space theme. When GB Trudeau ("Doonesbury" comic writer) did my PhD graduation they came as giant pencils! Only grad students actually walked across the stage.

my daughter would be much the same i think as your son, she just is not in to that sort of thing, however secretly when and if the time comes i would love nothing better than to see her graduate, all decked out in hat and cape, i would be very proud, but again i think it is up to them, it is their life.

Just like my girl never went to the school balls, i think you call them proms over there, i was so disappointed, but it was her choice, you cannot live through your kids, they have to make their own decisions, glad you are with him on this and not pressing him, the inlaws will get over it, too bad i say.

BTW congratulations to your son, what a great achievement, that is probably all he needs, the fact he has passed and done so well.