Info on bankruptcy, pls

I have some questions about Chap 13 bankruptcy.

I am now officially divorced, and grateful that I have the settlement I have. (although I'm not as 'whole' as I was prior to it)
My ex is now in Chap 13.

Does anyone know the effects of Chap 13 on him?

Does he still have any credit? Does the car he bought 1 yr ago 'go away'?
Can he buy a house?

I owe him a sum of cash, from the settlement. Does he get to keep it?
Aren't his creditors due that money?

This has all been so traumatic for me. I am so emotionally scarred from all this deception and the infidelity.

I am on the mend now. I'm attending divorce care support groups.
I'm still dealing with being more 'alone' than a person should be, due to not having any family and lots of friends 'backing off'. I now understand that this is not unusual.

Please keep Gayle and myself in your thoughts, it's more of a struggle than we ever imagined. Just trying to get by day to day.

Thanks,
Rose

I don't know anything about settlements or bankruptcy, I am sorry for that.

But I wanted to let you know, if you or Gayle ever need anyone to talk I am a PM away. I know I barely know you, but I want to let you know I will always be here to support you guys. I am sure 100% of PT will be, as well :)

I wish you much happiness in the months to come. :love:

Call the Florida Bar association, they should be able to answer your questions, maybe for free, or refer you to someone who can.

Sorry Rose, can't help from here. Thanks for the chat on Friday. It was an hour well spent. You're absolutely correct about the "backing off". My entire support system seems to have vanished.

I hope his bankruptcy doesn't affect you. Maybe it won't now that your divorce is final.

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Originally Posted by rosethecopycat

I'm still dealing with being more 'alone' than a person should be, due to not having any family and lots of friends 'backing off'. I now understand that this is not unusual.

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Aren't "friends" just so wonderful?? :rolleyes:

I have my family, but when I retired on disability and couldn't run here, there, and everywhere at the drop of a hat, then those "friends" disappeared. And I'm talking of people I had been close to for many, many years. Then being divorced in addition to retired, I got a double dose of absenteeism! :( Friends like that, I don't need!

BTW - I noticed we share the same birthday - tho I'm a "few" :eek: years older than you are. Let's get together for a virtual drink at Richard's cyber bar to celebrate the day when it gets here!

Here's to us!!!!!!!!!!!! :D


Also - I believe that Chapter 13 is a reorganization and allows the person to pay off debt under new payment terms. I don't believe that you actually lose anything, but I don't think you can get more new credit. I'd still check your state laws tho.

I am very sorry you are going through this. You and Gayle both.

I asked my boyfriend about the bankruptcy questions. He said it all depends on what the bankruptcy judge says. As far as him keeping his car and things. They usually like to liquidate all assets to pay the creditors. Most of the time they will let them keep the car and the house they are currently living/owning. If he doesn't own a home then it might be a little difficult to buy for a while.
Also, you might want to look into anything that has both of your names on it. That could affect you as well.

Exactly as Ellie said, check your state laws. Just google it online and you should find lots of answers.

When Bruce divorced he actually gained friends from the ex. Since she was the one that cheated on him, HER best friend ended their friendship and now Bruce is the god-father of their oldest son. It's sad that some people think they have to choose sides. But in this case it was simple for them to see who the better person was.

I'm sorry you and Gayle do not have people around you to help support you. But you both have plenty of people right here on Pet Talk.

Gratefully, there is nothing in both our names. I will file the signed quitclaim deed with the Clerk of Courts on Monday.

As I peruse the internet about bankruptcies, I only assumed that he would be in Chap 13. He could be in Chap 7 (but I think his income is too high-there is a loophole about tithing, which allows 15% to go to charity, if that puts you under the income limit)
And then there is Chap 11, which I had not considered. He files taxes as a sole propriatorship so that might be his option.

My view about 'taking sides' has kind of been like - I'm not looking for friends to do that, even though he was the one who cheated on and abandoned me.
But, imagine this, if he were to have died, I probably would have 'heard from' just about everybody. And I haven't and I'm not going to at this point.
I hear of this statistic that 90% of people look at adultery as 'unfavorable' and the other 10% are his friends, I guess.

Particularly sad is the MIL & FIL, with whom I was very, very close. She never wanted to hear what I had to say. She said (through him) from the get-go that she would be bias towards her son. :(
I learned that blood is thicker than water.

His parents must be so impressed with him that 6 months ago, he owned a home with me, free and clear, and now he's in bankruptcy.

I am just lucky to get away as unscathed as I did.

My divorce was ages ago, and a picnic compared to what you two are going through.

I don't recall losing friends...possibly because my ex and I did a do-it-yourself kit and were reasonably amicable about the whole thing; there were no 'sides' to choose.

But I wonder if it could be the type of things that happen when someone dies? People don't know what to say, what to do, and just 'freeze'.

Maybe these friends DID tell you that they weren't available any more or something...then again, hard as it is, maybe some contact and reassurance from you would be an idea? Even suggesting something they could do like meet up with your for coffee or lunch?

I know I am second-guessing them, and that is totally not right...I just hope you have even one solid friend come out of this.

Gayle, I think once the court case is over for you and all the factual abuse and other evidence presented, there WILL be people afraid to phone you, and totally ashamed of themselves, at that.

HUGS to both of you.:love::love::love::love:

The Bankruptcy laws can be pretty complicated, I deal with them on my job fairly often. Karen is absolutely right, get some legal advice before you start the process. If you can't afford an attorney, contact your local legal aid office. You might also check to see if any law schools offer legal clinics. The Bar Association is also a good place. If any of these resources say they can't help you, be sure to ask if they know who can. I hope things work out for you.

Rose, I don't know anything about bankruptcy info but I just wanted to say that I'm so sorry that both you and Gayle are going through this.:( I guess in this kind of situation you really do find out who your true friends are. I'm always here for emotional support if you need me. Please take care. (((HUGS)))

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Originally Posted by Alysser

I don't know anything about settlements or bankruptcy, I am sorry for that.

But I wanted to let you know, if you or Gayle ever need anyone to talk I am a PM away. I know I barely know you, but I want to let you know I will always be here to support you guys. I am sure 100% of PT will be, as well :)

I wish you much happiness in the months to come. :love:

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My feelings exactly. I would love to hear from either or both of you.
{{{{{HUGS}}}}}

Well, I just spent 2 hours doing a very long email to my lawyer regarding all the crap that's been going on recently. I've been quite adamant that I will not pay ransom for my things that he has deemed are mine. I don't know what condition my stuff is in or what even might be there. I think I covered all the issues so now, when she's back tomorrow, she's going to have alot to do.

My 2 friends that have been pretty good up to recently have disappeared. I've emailed, texted, phoned and left messages all to no avail. I am so glad that I phoned and talked with Rose on Friday. My only human contact this weekend. It was so good to talk to you my dear.

Rose, I hope tomorrow you can get some info on this bankruptcy situation. I would suspect though, since your papers are final, that it will not affect you.

Thanks all for thinking of me. Feeling pretty alone and sorry for myself. Good to come here for a wee pick me up.

Momcat- the bankruptcy doesn't effect me at all, as far as I know. I am just wondering which type my Ex is going for. To me, he does not deserve any relief, charging up all sorts of luxury items (lying to me about their prices) and gambling debt.
Why do I have to pay for everything I want and others get a 'charge off'? He gets a 'write off' for the little red dress he bought her for XMas? And all his new clothing? That's obscene.

Catty- you are right. We had a foster mama here in FL, who sadly died. That woman and her husband were friends with another foster mama. (I didn't really know the husband) She said the man lost contact with his friends, and she admitted that she didn't even know what to say to him after a while. He tried to date, but self-sabotaged himself with pictures of his deceased wife all over. He eventually moved away. I wish him the best, for a new start at life.
It must be very hard.

Catty- I don't understand exactly what you mean by: maybe my friends DID say they wouldn't be available...

I don't know WHAT I did to lose any friendships. It's more about the lack of contact at all, from many people. Nobody has said they are not interested in my friendship, but I feel like I'm a bit of a 'non-person' now.
I sense that many people are on the edge now, even those who have been very understanding about everything. They are just at the point where it's too much for them, and I understand that. I will try to maintain the relationships with everybody possible without going on about my 'traumas' and emphasis my progress instead. (except, that's not how I really feel inside) That's where actual family would come in handy. They listen to you forever, if that's what you need.
I am going to be a better person coming out of all of this. When I hear or see someone in 'chaos' I will let them know that I am there for them.
Whenever they need me.

Thanks to all of you on PT who are holding up Gayle and myself. We do appreciate it, very much.

Hang in there Rose....you'll both be fine mate.
And as the old saying goes..."As you walk forward thru life, don't look back, cos you ain't goin that way." ;)

Rose, I don't have any advice about bankruptcy but I did just want to let you know that your Pet Talk family is here for you even if some of your other "friends" aren't.
Sending hugs your way for you and your kitties.:love:

I went through bankruptcy, & I got to keep my car.. there is "limit" on how much your car is worth in the "Black Book" & if you still owe on the car, then it's also up to the company that you have the loan with.. My car was in the Clear for the Black Book, & the company I had the loan with said they will give me some time to get caught up & if I keep on track , then there is no reason to take my car away. 2yrs later I now OWN my car.

Please don't think that every that goes into bankruptcy used it as a free ticket. My ex (long term b/f) left me with an insane amount of debt. I tried to keep it under control, but I just couldn't afford it & food at the same time... Then the bills grew out of control & I was getting behind... Before my credit took a dive through doo doo creak, I tried to get help.. they refused me, so I was stuck with bankruptcy... best thing I did.. loads of stress releaved & I was off to a fresh start on my own.

Not sure how things work in the USA though... I only know Ontario, Canada's laws, & only some of them...

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Originally Posted by king2005

I went through bankruptcy, & I got to keep my car.. there is "limit" on how much your car is worth in the "Black Book" & if you still owe on the car, then it's also up to the company that you have the loan with.. My car was in the Clear for the Black Book, & the company I had the loan with said they will give me some time to get caught up & if I keep on track , then there is no reason to take my car away. 2yrs later I now OWN my car.

Please don't think that every that goes into bankruptcy used it as a free ticket. My ex (long term b/f) left me with an insane amount of debt. I tried to keep it under control, but I just couldn't afford it & food at the same time... Then the bills grew out of control & I was getting behind... Before my credit took a dive through doo doo creak, I tried to get help.. they refused me, so I was stuck with bankruptcy... best thing I did.. loads of stress releaved & I was off to a fresh start on my own.

Not sure how things work in the USA though... I only know Ontario, Canada's laws, & only some of them...

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Hi!

Thanks for the info. I know Canada may be different than in the States.
How, may I ask, did your boyfriend saddle you with debt, if you were not legally bound to him? That is scary, and I'm sorry you got caught in that mess.
I have a friend that her divorce cost her $20G in debt repayment for her spouses debts. It left her credit in ruins too.

I am so relieved that I was able to get out of my predicament without being strapped with his debt.

Still, I'm wondering about the $1500 I have to hand him as a part of the divorce settlement.
Does anyone know if he gets to keep it? Or will they seize it as part of any repayment? In either case, it feels like I'm throwing that money out the window, when I REALLY need it, right about now.

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Originally Posted by rosethecopycat

Hi!

Thanks for the info. I know Canada may be different than in the States.
How, may I ask, did your boyfriend saddle you with debt, if you were not legally bound to him? That is scary, and I'm sorry you got caught in that mess.

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He took my CC's & expanded them to 10k each (you can do it online.. apparently... secure eh?) He then spent is all on his Small Craft Pilot licence. I knew about some of it, just not all of it... He knew things were going to end, so he used all my CC's for everything (for him)... He is a violent man & there was NO WAY IN HECK I was gonna fight him for anything... I left with what I could, even then he came over & took things... Several of my physical issues are because of him.. He's not right in the head, he's violent, powerful, & insane... I can't go into details as I swept it all under the rug for my own safety... I pitty the person who married that monster & gave him 2 kids :( But sorry I come first...

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Still, I'm wondering about the $1500 I have to hand him as a part of the divorce settlement.
Does anyone know if he gets to keep it? Or will they seize it as part of any repayment? In either case, it feels like I'm throwing that money out the window, when I REALLY need it, right about now.

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If the courts tell you to pay it, then just pay it.. don't worry where it goes, or what he does with it... IF they want him to give them the money & he doesn't, the he's gonna be up doo doo creek.

What you should do is stop caring what happens to him, or what he does, or anything about him... This is your chance to start fresh, & you need to erase him the best you can. Its one of the ways to also start to heal... It'll be hard, but you gotta tell yourself that YOU come first & your not going to get sick over doo doo he does or needs to do. :)

Can't give any advice but just wanted you (both) to know that you are not alone :love: Currently going through the D-process myself

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Originally Posted by Pawsitive Thinking

Can't give any advice but just wanted you (both) to know that you are not alone :love: Currently going through the D-process myself

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Sorry to hear that.

We are here for you as well.:love:

{HUGS}

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Originally Posted by rosethecopycat

Sorry to hear that.

We are here for you as well.:love:

{HUGS}

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Thank you

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Originally Posted by king2005

If the courts tell you to pay it, then just pay it.. don't worry where it goes, or what he does with it... IF they want him to give them the money & he doesn't, the he's gonna be up doo doo creek.

What you should do is stop caring what happens to him, or what he does, or anything about him... This is your chance to start fresh, & you need to erase him the best you can. Its one of the ways to also start to heal... It'll be hard, but you gotta tell yourself that YOU come first & your not going to get sick over doo doo he does or needs to do. :)

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Total pearls of wisdom! If he wants to smoke the $1500, it shouldn't matter to you. Get through the final stages of the paperwork, and stop looking back on what shoulda/coulda/woulda happened. The sooner you can truly give it up, the sooner you can move forward.


I wanted to comment on something Rose said earlier about the benefits of having not just friends, but family to unload to. I don't think families get a free pass here.

I think friends AND family at some point do finally get exhausted by the continuing cycle we ALL play with our past relationships/current situations. When we see and hear the same thing over and over again, with absolutely no ability to change it (since it has happened in the past), it is really tough to stay in close with that person for fear we will say something hurtful. The thing is, we all feel so badly for the person that we see hurting and are so helpless to stop the bleeding, we distance ourselves. Is the distancing right, normal, helpful, loving, nice? Probably not. But, we also have to move forward and live, and we do not want to make things worse by saying what might be, even fleetingly, on our minds.

I would continue to reach out to your friends- common or otherwise. Let them know that you are trying your hardest to not talk all the time about how awful things turned out. But, tell them you need them to help pull you forward at this time. I imagine most would help. I don't think friends really desert you in your hour of need as much as they are at a loss and want to stay out of the direct line of fire.