Kids...can't live with 'em, can't beat 'em...

Catnapper's thread about Ashley inspired me to start THIS thread.

Don't get me wrong, I love my daughter with all my heart. Right now I don't like her very much. I'm seeing a very selfish side of her and it reminded me why I moved to Michigan.

Where do I begin?? My daughter and I are going to my best friend's house on Christmas day. We were planning on sending out for Chinese food rather than bother with a big dinner and clean up. Because I am on the last $10 till I get paid next week (my check won't be much thanks to the snow storms) I had to put most of it in my gas tank and buy cat food. I politely asked my daughter if she could pay for my dinner till I get paid next week. You'd a thought I asked for a kidney!!!:mad:

She can go out and buy her boyfriend an expensive watch, but she can't fork over $5 (I have $3 I was willing to put out) for Chinese food. You don't know how pi$$ed off I am. I do so much for her and this is the thanks I get.

So, I called her back and said I had a solution. I'd either bring a Weight Watchers Sante Fe Rice & Beans, or leftovers from my cousins Christmas Eve dinner the night before. "Mom, it's okay, I'll pay for dinner." Well, I'd rather eat cat poo at this point, than ask her for anything. My friend Pam told me that I should have a little chat with her and tell her how I feel. (this is not the first time she's shown her true colors). Not till after the holidays. I'm not ruining it for me or Sue. But she's going to look pretty selfish when I walk in carrying my Weight Watchers frozen dinner. I'll let HER explain it to Sue. (I'm telling Sue about it ahead of time).

Am I wrong? Should I feel this way?? Your thoughts and opinions would be appreciated.

:o Well lets put it this away Donna is That I Am So Glad That My Children Have Four Leggss..

lvpets2002,

I hear ya!!

:) Years ago when I was young & married & it was a must that I wanted children.. Well due to God's will & me not having children & thought my life was a doom.. Well you know the years past & I grew older & wiser & got a divorce (for reasons not to explain) is when I said you know I have been looking & thinking in the wrong directions.. So now I have my Children all four legged & Loving they are & we are living Happier as ever..

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Originally Posted by lvpets2002

:o Well lets put it this away Donna is That I Am So Glad That My Children Have Four Leggss..

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I'm with ya on this one!! :D

But because it's the holidays, I would probably just forget about what she said and let her pay like she said she would. But definitely still have the talk with her after the holidays.
Now, I don't know your situation entirely, so this is just my opinion. :)

lvpets2002,

No explanation necessary.

Taz Zoe,

Oh believe me, I PLAN on having the talk with her. But not now. And no, I don't want her to pay. I still plan on bringing my lil doggie bag to my friend's house followed by a little humble pie later, perhaps???

I'd definitely have a talk with her - after Christmas.
It sounds like she needs to get her priorities in the correct order. You're not going to be around forever - or hasn't she thought about that? Then what??? Maybe she should read some of the PT posts on here lately, by people who have lost their mothers!!!! :( And she definitely has a lot of growing up to do!

I would bring the dinner, but not make her explain why you brought your own dinner. She'll know, but no one else needs to know she was being a scroge.

Becuase in the end she did say she would pay your way & you did refuse, so that'll make you look spiteful.. which isn't good either.

So just bring your own dinner, refuse her money politely (say you don't want to be a mooch), & enjoy your dinner with some pie :)


That'll get your point across to her, and you wont look spiteful :)

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Originally Posted by moosmom

Catnapper's thread about Ashley inspired me to start THIS thread.

Don't get me wrong, I love my daughter with all my heart. Right now I don't like her very much. I'm seeing a very selfish side of her and it reminded me why I moved to Michigan.

Where do I begin?? My daughter and I are going to my best friend's house on Christmas day. We were planning on sending out for Chinese food rather than bother with a big dinner and clean up. Because I am on the last $10 till I get paid next week (my check won't be much thanks to the snow storms) I had to put most of it in my gas tank and buy cat food. I politely asked my daughter if she could pay for my dinner till I get paid next week. You'd a thought I asked for a kidney!!!:mad:

She can go out and buy her boyfriend an expensive watch, but she can't fork over $5 (I have $3 I was willing to put out) for Chinese food. You don't know how pi$$ed off I am. I do so much for her and this is the thanks I get.

So, I called her back and said I had a solution. I'd either bring a Weight Watchers Sante Fe Rice & Beans, or leftovers from my cousins Christmas Eve dinner the night before. "Mom, it's okay, I'll pay for dinner." Well, I'd rather eat cat poo at this point, than ask her for anything. My friend Pam told me that I should have a little chat with her and tell her how I feel. (this is not the first time she's shown her true colors). Not till after the holidays. I'm not ruining it for me or Sue. But she's going to look pretty selfish when I walk in carrying my Weight Watchers frozen dinner. I'll let HER explain it to Sue. (I'm telling Sue about it ahead of time).

Am I wrong? Should I feel this way?? Your thoughts and opinions would be appreciated.

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Donna, do you want to make an even trade? Kenny for Amy with another brother to be named later? Seriously though, I think you have the right plan. She should realize that she shouldn't treat you like that.

Donna, I completely understand your frustrations!!! I deal with this every day where she expects you to bend over backwards, but ask her to do something for you? fuggettaboutit!

And when you're telling the story, many people are like, "So what, its only $5, big deal!" But when you add up the hundred little things like that a week, it gets overwhelming and frustrating.

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Originally Posted by Taz_Zoee

But because it's the holidays, I would probably just forget about what she said and let her pay like she said she would. But definitely still have the talk with her after the holidays.
Now, I don't know your situation entirely, so this is just my opinion. :)

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I agree. I'd let it go for the time being, especially at your friends house for Christmas.

But the next time she wants you to do something for her, I'd remind her ... and refuse.

I fully feel your pain. If I would have known then what I know now ... I'd have probably just had my tubes tied and gotten another puppy. And I know for a fact I would NOT have married a man with three kids. My son can be a handful, and has caused me many heartaches ... but my husband's three kids, honestly, are the spawn of Satan.

I think I would overlook it and let her pay as she offered to do. Have a pleasant Christmas without resentment on either side. BUT...I would definitely have that talk with her after the holidays. Maybe you could appeal to her "loving" side and not make it like a "duty"?
I don't know your daughter but when I read your post I did find it rather unbelievable.
I guess I'm one of the lucky ones, my daughter and sons bend over backwards for us....if ever my daughter pulled something like this I would be terribly hurt and would let her know how it affected me.
Maybe it was a spur of the moment reaction on her part, kids can say or do thiongs without thinking sometimes.

Maybe she's feeling the pinch herself and you caught her off guard. It doesn't excuse rudeness if she was rude to you but it may explain why she didn't agree to pay for your dinner when you asked. Forgive her. Have a wonderful, peaceful Christmas. After the holidays, lovingly tell her how you felt about the situation. Don't accuse, just tell her that you were hurt and then ask why she responded the way she did. It'll all work out, Donna. Merry Christmas. :)

I think it depends on what you want from the situation.

Every action gets a reaction. What reaction are you looking to get?

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Originally Posted by moosmom

Don't get me wrong, I love my daughter with all my heart. Right now I don't like her very much.

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I heard that phrase a lot growing up.

I would have given anything for my mom. I may see things differently because my mom is no longer here, but I always thought I should do anything to help my mom. She worked her butt off to raise me and give me a roof over my head and meals on the table - even when sometimes all she could afford were eggs and milk for weeks on end we were so broke. I'd have absolutely bought your Chinese dinner without any fuss.

I appreciate all your opinions and thank you for your help.

She did not get a reaction from me, nor will she. But the next time she needs to go somewhere or do something where a bus doesn't go (aside from emergencies), maybe it'll give her food for thought. I won't rub her nose in it. Nor will I remind her. I just won't be available.

Hindsight has 20/20 vision. I've always tried to be the kind of mother my Mom was to me, taking her out to dinner (MY treat), going to the Outlet Stores (which takes GAS), taking her grocery shopping, the Buckland Mall, picking her up from work when the weather was really crappy out so she wouldn't have to wait for a bus, hocking jewelry so she would be surprized at Christmas at the IPod I bought her (didn't get the reaction I'd HOPED I would get which I attribute to her disability). I also thought my beloved Mom would be around forever. She died when I was 19. I only wish my daughter would realize that. I thought she'd learn to be a little more independent when I moved to Michigan. Unfortunately, and thank GOD I have the friends that I do, she became very close to my best friend Susie in the 3 years I was gone and relied on HER for rides. *shrugs* I don't know. Maybe I'm being a little TOO sensitive.

I'm going to let it go for now. I want to have a nice holiday with my friends and family.

PTers are the BEST! Have a wonderful holiday everyone! I :love: you guys!!

I was just going to suggest to let it go for now, so you can enjoy your festive day, but still keep it in the back of your mind to bring up maybe at a later date, or as you said just be unavailable.

It is time she remembered what you have done for her in her young life, raised her,given of your time, your love, your pocket time and time again, it is time for her to do some giving back,of course our love as mothers is unconditional, but geez it does feel good now and then when the kids do something nice for us eh?

Selfishness knows no age is what i say, hopefully she will learn from this and not be such mizer next time eh?