Anyone spare a hug?

Printable View

10-25-2006, 05:58 PM
catnapper

Anyone spare a hug?

I'm sitting here bawling thanks to a phone call by my brother. I don't know how we can go through the same childhood and come out so completely different. He just put me on the biggest guilt trip in the world and kept telling me he wasn't trying to make me upset... and I kept asking him if he wasn't trying them why was he doing such a good job?

It doesn't help that I feel awful - sore throat, dizziness, headache, congestion. So here I am bawling and making more snot than I already had :rolleyes:

Why do I let him get to me so much? He called acting like an all-concerned brother who only wants to help me, yet somehow it felt like a "lets pick on Kim" party. I was chastised for not reaching out and telling him about my surgery... in all honestly it never occured to me to do so -- mom tells me all about him and I figured she tells him all about me. If he was that concerned about my operation he could have called to see how I was. I was chastised for not asking him about his kids.... yet he still hasn't come up to meet Cameron. He refused to see how things he does hurts (like the time he didn't come to my daughter's 13th birthday party because he prefered to stay home and watch the Eagle's playoff game -- they lost BTW) Its gotten to the point where I try to avoid communicating with him because he leaves me feeling like a worthless lump of mush.

I need a hug really bad and nobody is home to give me one :(
10-25-2006, 06:04 PM
Karen

Sending you a big hug! And any of the Pet Talkers who have met me can vouch that when you've been hugged by a Peterson/Watts clan member - you know it!

I've got a couple of brothers, you could borrow one of them, or hey - adopt one of the Pet Talk guys as a substitute brother!
10-25-2006, 06:13 PM
Alysser

I know the feeling, brothers can be a pain. (((hugs))) I hope things get better between you to. Pet the kitties and Nicki, it'll make you feel alot better. :)
10-25-2006, 06:16 PM
Jadapit

I'm sorry your brother brings you down! :( I hope you feel better soon. I have lots of hugs to spare. (((HUGS)))
10-25-2006, 06:17 PM
Ginger's Mom

Here are some more {{{Hugs}}}. I don't have any brothers, but family members sure can push buttons no one else can, can't they?
10-25-2006, 06:30 PM
caseysmom

I am sending you a great big hug okay. I was blessed with a very sweet brother thank goodness. Your brother sounds like my sister though so I can relate.
10-25-2006, 06:45 PM
Pembroke_Corgi

Awww I'm sorry. :( ((((hugs))))

I know how you feel...I often feel that way after talking to my dad. It's tough when you care about someone but they have a way of making you feel horrible.
10-25-2006, 06:57 PM
MajesticCollies

Here's a big ole hug from me. I have a very close knit family so I can't say I know what your going through. I hope everything mends itself.
10-25-2006, 07:12 PM
jenluckenbach

{{{{{{{HUGS}}}}}}

And Nikki and Allen should both be pretty good to hug if no one else is home. ;)
10-25-2006, 07:27 PM
Zippy

((((Big Hugs))))
Zippy and Pumpkin send head bumps.
10-25-2006, 07:32 PM
Catty1

{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{HUGS}}}}}}}}}}}} }}}}}}}}}}}}}

You can choose your friends...your relatives are wished on you! :D
10-25-2006, 07:56 PM
Vette

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v4...Smiles/hug.gif http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v4...Smiles/hug.gif http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v4...Smiles/hug.gif http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v4...Smiles/hug.gif http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v4...Smiles/hug.gif http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v4...Smiles/hug.gif http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v4...Smiles/hug.gif http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v4...Smiles/hug.gif http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v4...Smiles/hug.gif http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v4...Smiles/hug.gif
10-25-2006, 08:08 PM
Vette

Awww,, hang in there http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v4...Smiles/hug.gif
hope to'mollies brings you a better day.

http://img224.imageshack.us/img224/6...ankittyas6.jpg hang in there
10-25-2006, 08:11 PM
Twisterdog

Quote:

Originally Posted by catnapper

Its gotten to the point where I try to avoid communicating with him because he leaves me feeling like a worthless lump of mush.

This is the point I reached a few years ago with my siblings. It just wasn't worth it. I tried and tried, and to no good end except hurt and hard feelings for me. We can't choose our families, and though it hurts, sometimes we have to choose not to let people we simply happen to be related to through an accident of biology to hurt us anymore.
10-25-2006, 08:20 PM
I_luv_rusty

(((Hugs)))) Sorry you brother has to bring you down :( Hope you feel better soon
10-25-2006, 08:56 PM
kimlovescats

(((((((HUGS)))))))) Kim! It sounds like you have the same creeping crud that I've had a week already and still can't get cleared up. I may have to break down and go to the doctor next week. :rolleyes:

Things are always harder to take when you aren't feeling well. Try to remember that brothers (aka men) aren't as understanding about some things! ;)

More Hugs,
Kim
10-25-2006, 09:26 PM
Laura's Babies

Some Dr. Phil reality here....

WHY do you even allow him to talk to you like that? The minute he starts to lay the guilt on you or cut you down.... tell him you don't have time for that kind of shi*, life is to short so go spread his doom and gloom somewhere else! Then politely say "GOODBYE" and hang up!... That is unless you NEED to have someone make you feel like crud and just need a reason to cry....

Your brother? SO WHAT! Who needs someone who can make you feel that way no matter what relation he is to you? The worst he can do is stop talking to you and sounds like that would be a blessing.

I say all this because I use to date a guy like him and found his cut downs amusing, his critizem of my friends was downright funny and his attempts to drag my happy mood down to his sourness was a game to me. It use to drive him nuts that no matter what he said to ruin my day, I was so darn cheerful and kept telling him how much HE had to be thankful for and what a simply beautiful day I was having... I dated him until I got bored of his little game of "doom and gloom", then I dumped him.

Your brother sounds as toxic as the guy I use to date, I got rid of that guy.... It's your life and your brother... Do you need him that bad?

(Take this as I mean it... I am not trying to be mean or hateful or bust up a happy family... I just don't understand why you put up with this... )
10-25-2006, 09:42 PM
moosmom

Kim,

(((((((((((((hugs)))))))))))))))))

I just got home from work and thought I'd pop in.

Your brother and my brother must be related. Up until recently, the only way my brother and I could communicate was through emails, as he would always yell at me over the phone like I was a kid. He's only 5 years older than I am. It wasn't until I called him from the hospital, did he realize how serious my situation was, and that I wasn't the screw up he made me out to be all these years. I was seriously ill.

The minute he started raising his voice, Kim, I would've hung up on your brother if I were you. I simply would have told him that I would talk to him at another time when he was more civil.

I'm really sorry he made you feel so bad, and I only wish I was home so you could've called me. Remember one thing, God created good friends to apologize for bad relatives.

It's okay to love your brother but not like him very much. Believe me, I've been through it. Do NOT feel guilty, you've done nothing wrong. Your brother had no right to treat you like a verbal punching bag.

Hang in there and call me if you feel like it. I'll keep my cellphone on.

Love ya! ;)

Donna
10-25-2006, 10:54 PM
jazzcat

Big Ole ((((((hug))))))!!!!!
10-26-2006, 12:00 AM
K9karen

Aw, Kimmy, I'm so sorry that you're feeling so down.
There are times when I actually LET my brother upset me. I have to stop myself from starting to cry from what I deem HIS cruel, angry, nasty remarks and behavior. (Long story). We were also raised the same, equally loved and fairly. But, ya know, people develop their own personalities. If they're not willing to adapt a bit, that's their problem. I am SO getting better. I'm a grown adult. If I don't take crap from strangers, I'm sure as he** NOT going to take any from him. You need to calmly tell your brother you don't appreciate his caustic, nasty, insensitive remarks and unless he's willing to treat you with the respect you deserve, don't call. It'll be his loss.

Lots of hugs to you. my friend. Don't permit him to ruin your day. We all know how wonderful and sweet you are. Remember, it's OK to treat yourself as #1. Lord knows I'm trying! xoxox
10-26-2006, 01:15 AM
krazyaboutkatz

Kim, I'm so sorry to hear that your brother gets you down.:( My parents are usually the same way when it comes to certain things in my life so I've learned not to ask them for their advice or opinions and I just do what I want to do and then tell them about it later and sometimes I don't even do this. They still don't even know about Ziggy Stardust yet. Lots of hugs are being sent your way. (((((HUGS)))))
10-26-2006, 04:31 AM
Pawsitive Thinking

Go here for as many hugs as you want

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vr3x_RRJdd4
10-26-2006, 05:32 AM
davidpizzica

Kim, here's a lot of {{{{HUGS}}}}!! I know exactly what you're going through. I have a big brother who thinks he's my mother! He loves to come into the house and say "You haven't swept the floor today" or "the grass needs mowed" and other comments. Kim, if you can use someone to talk to in a brotherly way, all you have to do is PM me. I'll be there.
10-26-2006, 06:23 AM
catnapper

Thanks so much guys!

{{{{{{Group Hug}}}}}}

The funny thing is that this was my younger brother! He's always been serious and I've always been the dreamer so he's always felt he knows better than I do. I told him that. I told him a lot of things last night and stood up for myself. I nearly hung up on him a few times, and if it wasn't for me wanting to offer a rebuttal I would have hung up. I do think we cleared the air a bit. Perhaps this will be the beginning of something new for us? Who knows.

I think me getting so upset was partly from me feeling so run down and sick (I am losing my voice now.... whoopie! I don't know how I'm going to train dogs tonight) I know what I'm in for with this bug because hubby's had it for two weeks - big brave macho man actually went to the doctor for it. I commented to my mom on Sunday how I'm surprised I wasn't sick when everyone else at home was. Great idea Kim, open your mouth and jinx yourself! :p

The other part was all the stress. I am just at the end of my rope, grasping on to save my sanity and he calls to lay one hefty guilt trip on me. Don't I have enough going on right now with health, finances, the baby, work?

After I bawled to him about everything thats going on (he complained I don't talk to him, so I sarcastically told him everything thats going on) he's actually coming up next Sunday (or so he promised) to help repair our bathroom. He swears we can have a new tub and subfloor for under $500. He'll do all the labor. Do you know how much that would make my day? Seriously, I can't even relax to take a shower for fear I'll be in the tub when it falls through the ceiling. The estimate my SIL's hubby gave was for $5,000. Little difference in cost, eh?

Well, I do feel better after a night's sleep with 5 kitties keeping me warm and Abby giving me a purr serenade.
10-26-2006, 07:09 AM
Sara luvs her Tinky

Not sure if you still need them but {{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{HUG}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

I have about the same relationship with my dad... and it really stinks too. It keeps me from being able to get close to him... :(

That video made me smile.. and made me want a big hug!! :D
10-26-2006, 07:20 AM
mugsy

((((((((((Kim))))))))))

Now, I am speaking from experience here, but, you are LETTING him get to you and manipulate you. You need to put yourself in the frame of mind that he is NOT going to make you feel guilty. Put it right back in his lap...when he tries to guilt you by saying you didn't ask about his kids, respond by asking him when he is going to come and see Cameron. Things like that. He seems to be preying on your sensitivity. I have worked really hard over the last few months getting myself to the point where I am beginning to say, I can do what I can do and that's it and if you aren't satisfied go somewhere else...without feeling guilty. It is REALLY hard and it won't happen overnight, but, if you start working on it then eventually he will stop because he knows it doesn't work. He only does it now because he knows that he can make you feel badly...like a bully. My sister does the same thing to me and I finally had enough and told her if she thinks she's going to guilt me into doing something, to think again. I am done being pushed around by you because I'm not going to let you do it anymore. She backed off...If you ever need to "talk" PM me and we can "chat." Good luck and don't let him get to you!

cyber hugs and I hope you feel better soon! Get yourself some menthol and rub it between your hands and cup your hands over your mouth and nose and breath deeply...it should help clear you up!
10-26-2006, 08:17 AM
borzoimom

<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<HUUUUUUGSSSSSS>>>> >>>>>>
Sometimes with siblings you can have a brief falling out. I did the same with my younger brother for a while. What I did was chat, but when you feel the conversation turning, say poliet something like " ohhh shoot- I have get the clothes in the dryer, take the dog out, start dinner, make breakfast for the dogs or yourself, or get firewood, answer the door- shut the doors.. " .. you get the point. Soon it will start to change, and polietly tells him you dont have time for such nonscense.
10-26-2006, 10:21 AM
ramanth

You can pick your friends but you can't pick family.

*HUGS*
10-26-2006, 10:46 AM
cyber-sibes

Quote:

Originally Posted by ramanth

You can pick your friends but you can't pick family.

Amen to that! After living 500 miles away for 8 years, I moved back 3 1/2 years ago to within 70 miles of my brother. Every time I call and say I'm going to be in the neighborhood, "they have plans". I've invited them over, offered to meet up somewhere, and hinted that I would like to be invited over to their place. I've seen him.....once. I give up.
((((hugs)))) to you, and if he comes over to help you out, I hope it goes ok. :)
10-26-2006, 10:50 AM
borzoimom

Amen to that sister. ...
10-26-2006, 10:55 AM
catnapper

Quote:

Originally Posted by cyber-sibes

Amen to that! After living 500 miles away for 8 years, I moved back 3 1/2 years ago to within 70 miles of my brother. Every time I call and say I'm going to be in the neighborhood, "they have plans". I've invited them over, offered to meet up somewhere, and hinted that I would like to be invited over to their place. I've seen him.....once. I give up.
((((hugs)))) to you, and if he comes over to help you out, I hope it goes ok. :)

We must be related!!! I've lived in this house nearly 6 years. My brother has been here exactly 3 times. Once for my son's 16th birthday party where he announced that they were expecting a baby, which of course stole Tony's thunder. Nobody even paid attention to my son on his birthday thanks to my clueless brother. I've been to his house a dozen or so times during that time, I even saw his new house a few weeks ago (though I probably wouldn't have done that if it wasn't for mom basically twisting my arm)

Mugsy, guilt and I are old friends. It doesn't take much to make me feel guilty. I have been telling him things like you said... when he mentioned me not asking about his sons the first thing out of my mouth was that Cam's 4 months old and he hasn't even met him. He tried to say he was never invited.... who needs an invitation to meet a new baby in the family? Besides, I DID invite him and his wife! Oy, I feel like we're still kids saying "nut-uh!" "yeah-huh!" pbbtttthhhh.
10-26-2006, 10:58 AM
mugsy

I contend that you need to worry about you and your family and let him worry about his and if things work out, then it was in the cards, if not, then let it go. I have some other ideas too, but, it would take entirely too long to post and people would think I was fruit loop after waking up.
10-26-2006, 11:03 AM
catnapper

hmmm... I like Fruit Loops! My husband recently began to ask me if I had any "normal" friends. Ummmm... good question dear, but what does that make you if everyone I am friends with are slightly off center? :p
10-26-2006, 11:46 AM
Queen of Poop

I'm sorry I missed this until now. Here's a hug for you, if you still need it. Don't let him walk all over you, you're the big sister, you're supposed to be the bossy one that no one pushes around (says a fellow big sister).

I have to say though that you are lucky to have him, pain in the butt or not. I had 2 younger brothers, one died 20 years ago and one went to jail on a few occassions and I no longer have any contact with him.

Hopefully you can work something out where he is more respectful to you.
10-26-2006, 12:29 PM
Cataholic

Quote:

Originally Posted by cyber-sibes

Amen to that! After living 500 miles away for 8 years, I moved back 3 1/2 years ago to within 70 miles of my brother. Every time I call and say I'm going to be in the neighborhood, "they have plans". I've invited them over, offered to meet up somewhere, and hinted that I would like to be invited over to their place. I've seen him.....once. I give up.
((((hugs)))) to you, and if he comes over to help you out, I hope it goes ok. :)

Next time you are in MY neighborhood, come on over!!!

Hugs to you, Kim. Now repeat, don't be a doormat, don't be a doormat, don't be a doormat. :D
10-26-2006, 01:52 PM
jenluckenbach

Quote:

Originally Posted by catnapper

My husband recently began to ask me if I had any "normal" friends. :p

:eek: :eek: :eek:
I don't think I want to know what he thinks of me!! :o

And I can top your brothers! I have been in MY house for 9 years and the only time my brother was here was to deliver something large (because he has a truck) and he never got past the front porch. :rolleyes:
10-26-2006, 02:39 PM
Corinna

Chartiy and I loved the video. what is normal "the worst of the best and the best of the worst. " who wants that.
i won't even go in to my brother. hug

All times are GMT -5. The time now is 01:36 AM.