I'm so sick of crying.

I'm SO sick of my mom.

She's gone. Not here. No one knows where she is, what she's doing, who she's with. She said she was going out with my sister or her friends Daryll and Nikola.

I called at 7 when I was done with work and she said she was on her way home. Four hours later, I've got no damn clue where the hell she is. I'm SO sick of this. I'm bawling my eyes out and I can't really type accurately, so I will just copy and paste a conversation I just had with a friend.

Kutless Demons (10:37:35 PM): have you considered calling the police?
x kiLLedbymuSicx (10:37:41 PM): no
Kutless Demons (10:38:11 PM): hmm.
Kutless Demons (10:38:17 PM): where do you think she could be?
x kiLLedbymuSicx (10:38:30 PM): john's.
Kutless Demons (10:38:36 PM): oh god.
Kutless Demons (10:38:37 PM): really??
x kiLLedbymuSicx (10:38:47 PM): possibly.
x kiLLedbymuSicx (10:38:52 PM): that's where my dad and jen think she is.
x kiLLedbymuSicx (10:39:00 PM): my mom told me she was going to meet jen out for pizza.
x kiLLedbymuSicx (10:39:05 PM): jenny said mom never showed up.
x kiLLedbymuSicx (10:39:11 PM): sooo.
Kutless Demons (10:39:18 PM): maybe something happened to her??
x kiLLedbymuSicx (10:39:27 PM): i pretty much hope she's in a ditch somewhere.
x kiLLedbymuSicx (10:40:11 PM): if she's going to ****ing lie to people about where she is and get involved in this john **** again
x kiLLedbymuSicx (10:40:13 PM): i dont even care
Kutless Demons (10:40:33 PM): well how come you automatically assume she's lying?
x kiLLedbymuSicx (10:40:51 PM): because we know her.
Kutless Demons (10:41:02 PM): thats really horrible of her
x kiLLedbymuSicx (10:41:06 PM): she's not okay in the head.
x kiLLedbymuSicx (10:41:23 PM): i hate how she puts me through this **** ALL THE TIME and doesnt even think about what she's doing to me
x kiLLedbymuSicx (10:42:09 PM): 80% of my damn life is spent worrying about her, hoping that her depression hasn't gotten the best of her, hoping that she'll realize that john's an asshole, hoping she'll realize what the **** she's missing and fucking HOPING she'll feel sorry for it.
x kiLLedbymuSicx (10:42:22 PM): its NOT FAIR.
Kutless Demons (10:43:07 PM): *hug* she's selfish. HORRIBLY selfish. you're too nice for worrying about her all the time. and it's not fair what you have to go through *hugs again*..me and maddi were talking about it the other day and we're both SO proud of how effing STRONG you are about it all!!
x kiLLedbymuSicx (10:44:05 PM): i dont feel so strong when i'm bawling my eyes out
x kiLLedbymuSicx (10:44:13 PM): i ****ing hate this
Kutless Demons (10:44:45 PM): you are too strong! you've got room to cry, you have lots of shit to deal with
x kiLLedbymuSicx (10:44:48 PM): i hate dealing with her endless ****, she needs to get over john, she needs to be a parent, she needs to realize what she's missing and how she makes people AROUND her feel... she just DOESNT GET IT and it makes me SO angry
Kutless Demons (10:45:11 PM): you should tell her this!
x kiLLedbymuSicx (10:46:05 PM): i know
x kiLLedbymuSicx (10:46:08 PM): but it will kill her
Kutless Demons (10:46:20 PM): is there a nice way you could say all that?
x kiLLedbymuSicx (10:46:25 PM): if i tell her whats wrong with her she'll just fall apart
x kiLLedbymuSicx (10:46:38 PM): either that or she'll get really angry and scream at me
Kutless Demons (10:47:07 PM): argh
Kutless Demons (10:47:10 PM): lose lose situation eh?
x kiLLedbymuSicx (10:47:15 PM): pretty much.
Kutless Demons (10:47:17 PM): do you talk to your dad about it?
Kutless Demons (10:47:20 PM): maybe he has a suggestion
x kiLLedbymuSicx (10:47:55 PM): i hate talking to ANYONE about it cuz i always end up bawling... everything i don't tell people can only sit around for so long before i snap
Kutless Demons (10:49:05 PM): you can talk to me and maddi about it! bawl to us and we'll hug you and tell you we love you..and then once all your crying is out you can talk to your dad about it!
x kiLLedbymuSicx (10:50:09 PM): angie called when i was telling you about my mom
x kiLLedbymuSicx (10:50:26 PM): part of the reason i'm bawling
x kiLLedbymuSicx (10:50:52 PM): she cares enough to call and see how my day was and wish me goodnight and hope i have a good day

Angie is my dad's girlfriend, my second mom. She's so supportive of everything I do.

I'm SO SICK OF MY MOM. I hate crying and I hate her. She puts me through SO MUCH and doesn't even FLINCH.

Sweetheart, you cry because you have a heart.

Perhaps, maybe I have suggested this before, you need to stop thinking of her as your mother. Think of her as your "birth mother" - she's biologically connected, but that's it. It sounds like Angie is a better role model, and you can choose others, too. Heavens knows I have more Moms than you can shake a stick at, and I had a GOOD mother!

Write your biological mom a letter, explaining that she hurts you with her careless actions, and if you want to limit her involvement with you, say that, too.

Aww, Meg.. :( I'm so sorry you've had to go through this for so long. You don't know how much I hope things will get better for you. Stay strong Meg, and always remember that we love you and we're here for you.

What Karen suggested was an absolutely perfect idea, as long as you're comfortable with it.

(((((((HUGS)))))))

It's just not fair. Why do I have to do this all the time? I keep my emotions to myself, then one little thing happens and I snap and I'm bawling. My mom is soooo heartless its unreal. It's not fair that I spend nearly ALL of my time worrying about her, hoping she's doing okay, hoping she's taking her medicine, hoping she isn't seeing John again, hoping she is have a damn GOOD DAY and all I get is no phone call, no idea where she is, neglect and hearltessness. It's NOT FAIR, and I don't get it.

It's not fair.

I am so sorry you keep having to go through this over and over again, Meg. At this young age, you just don't need this kind of problem. Maybe a good letter would work for you at least. It would get it out of your system anyway.

I just don't think she is going to change anytime soon. It is time you started thinking of yourself, and quit thinking of whether she is going to be alright and take her meds and etc, etc. She is a grown woman, she is going to have to take care of herself!

I love you, Megan, and I hate to see you let this thing just keep eating you alive. Please don't let her keep doing this to you all the time. Take time to be the young lady you are suppose to be.

love,
Willie

How sad. I had a dad like that in my childhood. It's affected me.

Keep talking it out.

It took me years to realize not all people make good parents;
but they are good people.

Keep questioning, sweetheart; it will make sense one day.

Be careful before you have babies - it's the toughest job in the universe!

Karen has given you good advice - sit down and write your Mom a letter - even if she doesn't read it - putting all of your feelings down on paper will help you.

Meg, somehow, I feel as though you should stop thinking about what you DON'T have - and concentrate on what you DO have. If you have people around you that really care about you (and it sounds as though you do)- look to them for support.

It is clear that your pain is very deep - you want and need a love and concern from your Mom and all she does is care about herself and ignores you.

Believe me, this hurts me for you.

It will be difficult to reconcile this - but in time you will be able to do this and continue to grow into this lovely woman with a big heart. Your Mother is throwing away something so precious and she doesn't even realize what she is doing. I am glad that you can come to us - and even from a distance there are so many women who would love to have a daughter just like you.

We will try to give you the love and assurance that you need and deserve.

Hold in tight. You have all the support from PT'ers, and we all care about you here, and it sounds like Angie and your dad do too.

You really should stop worrying about your mom. It is not your responsibility to watch her, and ask if she is on her meds. That is her job.

I know that we don't really talk too much, but I am always willing to listen, or talk if you ever want. Just send me a PM, and I will surely do what I can to help.

(((((HUGS))))) This will eventually get better, just keep talking, and crying. Crying always helps a little, so don't be afraid to cry!

-Stephanie

Aww Megan , i cannot believe you are having this kind of stuff happening to you all the time, I know you say you hate your mom and you have good reason to , but knowing you as I do you really love her and that is why you worry so much about her, it is extremely sad to see she does not have the maturity that her own daughter does and cannot return the love and care that you bestow upon her, she is so fortunate to have such a wonderful daughter and she does not even know it, honestly hon i could kick her butt from here to eternity,but none of that helps you right now.

Just know you have many PT moms who love you dearly, and wish they could do something to help,try to concentrate on your own life sweetie and enjoy the happy times and remember it is natural for you to care about your mother,because you are a wonderful giving young woman with a wise shoulder on her head wise beyond her years.

I don't understand why you mother does what she does, and why she appears to be so darn selfish,and i wish with all my heart she would open her darn eyes and start making some changes for the better, but until then if that ever happens, you have a life to live of your own Megan and you are way too young to have these worries on your shoulders, share them with your dad and stepmom and us here and help us to lighten the load, a worry shared is a worry halfed so they say.

I think writing your feelings down is a great idea, even if you do not give it to her, it will help you a lot.

HUGS and love to you Megan, you know we all love and care about you, and pm me anytime okey dokey .

Im so sorry that you are having to go through this. I don't really know what you're going through.... but I went through something similar, but with my dad.

I agree ... write your feelings down.. and limit your time with your mom. Im not real familiar with your situation but only from this post. I really don't know what kind of advice to give you.. .but I really hate that this is happening to you. If only sometimes the parents that are like this could see how much they hurt us... :(

*hugs* I hope things get better soon!!

I'm so sorry you have to go through such a mess, Megan...!

Follow Gini's and Karen's advize, it is the best!!

And, is there any possibility you can go and live with your dad?

Megan,

You've gotten alot of good advice from people who care about you. Don't ever hesitate in talking to us. We are one big PT family, and that's what we are here for.

Hang in there honey. I've PM'd you with my cellphone number. Don't ever hesitate to call me. I can always call you back. I have LOADS of free minutes.

(((((HUGS))))))))

Donna

Can only add to what the others have posted - you will always have us. Your Mom won't ever be the one you want or deserve so try to accept her as she is and concentrate on YOU

I'm sorry you have to go through all that. I know how you feel because my mother was a lot the same. She was very abusive and I always felt like I was nothing, and she told me I was nothing and treated me like I didn't matter. I have been on my own since I was 16 because of it and I had a lot of hard years because of the anger I couldn't let go of. Just remember you DO matter and as hard as this seems right now you have to try REALLY hard not to let it shape your whole life. I can only reemphasize what the others have said above, and encourage you to turn to the people who DO love you. You are lucky, I didn't even have that, my dad disappeared when I was 8 and I had nobody else, so at least you have that. Take heart that there ARE people who care what happens to you and that you are worth a lot more than your mom is treating you like. Don't let her life define yours, or it will eat you up. It's hard! I know it is. You can't control her actions or what she does, so you can only protect yourself and your feelings. Write her a letter, if you can't talk to her face, and tell her how much what she is doing is hurting you and making you cry, how much anger and pain she is causing you. You never know, it might be enough to turn her around. It's worth a try. I don't usually give advice on these topics but I can understand how you feel to a certain degree because I've felt it. I don't want to see it affect your entire life so that you can't be happy. Sometimes life isn't fair, I always felt that way too when I would see my friend's families who had "normal" moms. Keep your chin up, you still have your whole life to live, and your mom will be the one missing out in the end.

NO, Megan, it is NOT fair - you are not supposed to be the caregiver, SHE is. She is sick.

If for some reason, you can't live with your dad and Angie, call a women's shelter, a teen hotline, anything. You need rescue and support - and you can't keep living there.

I hope you are not staying with her because you will feel responsible if anything happens to her. She is an adult and knows there is help.

Sweetie - you need to get out of that house. Your mom's sickness is infecting and affecting you. A women's shelter or the police will have resources.

HUGS

Catty1

Hey, sorry to hear Meg. I have no idea what to say. She doesn't sound like she's being very thoughtful of you....Hope you feel better

Well, I don't exactly know what is going on. :confused: ... but all I can say is that I'm so sorry, Megan, really, I am. :( :( :(

I'm so sorry you are going through this. I really, really hope things start looking up for you. We all love you and care about you. I hate to see that you are hurting. :( ((hugs)) I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers.

I hate seeing anyone go through such a horrible situtation. I hate this. You don't deserve this at all. You deserve so much better and I can't believe your mother is actually putting this all on you. Megan, everybody gave you wonderful advice and I hope things get better for you as soon as possible!
((((HUGS))))
Alyssa

I'm so sorry Megan :(

I know you don't deserve this at all... Try to think of all the things you have, and that are really important.. You have a life and lots of people who care about you.. Don't let your mum ruin it... (I know it must be hard, since I'm a quite similar situation with my mum...)

(((hugs))) and feel free to PM if you need to talk...
Hope to see you better soon... :)
Natali

So my mom tried to make up for Thursday night by taking me out to dinner and taking me to Barnes & Noble.

She never said ANYTHING about Thursday night. No apology, no explanation, no nothing. She bought me and my brother dinner and Fazoli's, took us to B&N and bought my BROTHER a book. She made me buy my own.

A dinner out and a trip to B&N doesn't make up for 17 years of neglect and hardships and not having a mom PERIOD.

My dad, brother, Angie and her two kids went to the Brewer's baseball game this afternoon. It was the most fun I've had in months. Despite Angie being drunk by the end of the night, she hugged me multiple times and told me she loved me. Something I don't even get from my biological mother. She sang songs with me, offered to buy me things (which I politely refused), and every once and a while would put her hand on my shoulder, or on the small of my back, like she wanted me to know she was always there, keeping an eye on me. Today was a blast, we bonded with Angie's kids and had so much fun. (JJ Hardy is a HOTTIE HOTTIE!)

I also got a wonderful message from Donna, (sorry I missed your call, I was at the game!) which made my day even better. Thank you so much.

Things are still tense between my mother and I, and I'm not ready to talk to her about things. I wish I would have said what I wanted to say Friday morning, the morning after she was missing, but I was absolutely fuming and it wouldn't have been the best time, being before school and all.

Finally, I'll attach some pictures of Angie, the kids, and the baseball game. It was such a great experience. I'm glad I have someone like Angie in my life now.

(L to R; Dad and brother, Dad and Angie, Weinie Race!, all the kids (me, jake, ashley and katlynn) and last is Angie on the bus back, singing... she had TOO much to drink!)

Glad you had a fun day, you deserve it. Guess Angie is one of those people (there are always plenty, at the games I have been to) who think beer & baseball are a great match! ;)

I am glad you had a great time, you deserve it. :)

I'm so glad you had a good day! :D I hope their are many many more to come.

Today started out great... I didn't have school, slept in till 10, and worked at 4. Work was fine, I had this feeling of self pride for some reason, and I held my head a little higher and was a little friendlier.

My manager, Sarah, came over to the manager that was bagging for me and said to her, "One of our 9's need to go home at 8:30." (meaning someone who goes home at 9 needs to go a half hour early, our numbers were bad)

Usually, in these circumstances, the manager will single out the two or three people that are ELIGIBLE to go home, and play the "Pick a Number" game to see who gets to go home. But Sarah, FAVORING the other person, doesn't even give me a chance to TRY and go home early. Sarah is friends with the other girl, so she automatically let the other girl go home and didn't even give me a chance. Mind you, the girl she favors was doing lame ass jobs like taking baskets back, and most of the time was just sitting around doing nothing.

Now don't get me wrong, staying the extra half hour wasn't bad. It's just the fact that she isn't showing fairness and equality. Everytime I'm there, she favors this ONE girl over everyone else.

Toppping it off, she isn't even MANAGING. She is off talking to people at the service desk, wanderinig around the store, not doing her job AT ALL. It's SO irritating when you need her and have NO CLUE where she is.

*breath*

My best friends pretty much hate each other. To make a long story short, X and Y talked about dating, Y wanted to date X but thought that if something were to happen and they would break up, their friendship would be in shambles. Y said no to X, now X is being a drama queen and said that Y led her on, blah blah blah. X wants "space" from Y, and now Y is broken hearted because she feels like she ruined EVERYTHING between the three of us.


I AM SO SICK OF DRAMA.

My day started out okay, but I'm at my breaking point again. Drama, my friend and I got pulled over last night and she was a wreck, my stress-filled job, my mom, I'm just soooo tired of everything. :(

I can't take this anymore.

You need to take a little time and focus on you. Have yourself a strong cup of hot cocoa, or tea, or whatever, and realize that all these dramas belong to other people. Which ones, and how you choose to react, is up to you. You can still be friends with X and Y, but if they continue to fight, you'll quickly see which of them is truly your friend, and willing to talk about something other than the issues between the two of them. Set up ground rules if you want - "I will still be your friend, but do not talk badly about x/y to me, I will not choose between you."

Buy yourself a rose, if you likes roses (some other flower if you have a different favorite) - just a single stem won't cost a whole lot. Look at it, sniff it, and realize that there is beauty in the world. And when it begins to wilt, save a few petals and press them in a book, to have a reminder of this in the days ahead.

It is hard sometimes, to remember, but you can remain calm in the midst of a storm, and you'll be a better person for it.

Oh, and for the work thing? I can do you one better than that. I got fired from my first job because the boss didn't like teenagers. Why he hired me in the first place is a mystery, now that I know that. But what made that worthwhile was when a coworker went on maternity leave (with twins) a few months later, all the other ladies convinced him he had to rehire me! ;) Work fo your own pride, never mind what the "manager" thinks. If it really bothers you, you could talk to her boss, but it probably isn't worth the fuss. You are a good, worthy person, you have to remember that.

That's good advice from Karen, and something I've done for myself on occasion. Sometimes I've bought a few flowers, a few hand-made chocolates, or a coffee-table book on a favorite subject, it's been my way of saying that I'm worthwhile. I remember having to go back and live somewhere I really hated when I was about 20, and I knew it would depress me. I stopped by before moving in and put a potted azalea on the table with a card I'd written to myself. When I moved in, that special welcome was waiting for me and it didn't matter that I'd done it for myself.

Your manager is probably bored with her job and has become careless. It will be noticed by her manager eventually. I should think everyone on PT has been in a job where they've had to suffer from seeing someone else favored, it happens in every workplace.

Won't you be going away to college soon? I left home at 18 to go to nursing school and I couldn't wait to get away from my step-mother; those last months at home seemed to last forever. She controlled the family with hysterics and we all fell in line because it was easier than having to cope with her fits of rage. Even if you have to live at home while you are in college, you will be starting an exciting new life and it may help you distance yourself from your home life.

So sorry to hear how awful your mother treats you. She sounds like a troubled woman. There is a term in recovery groups - "detachment", and it's a skill you can learn. By realizing that you have no control over people, places, and things, you can stop trying to influence them. Acceptance is a hard thing to swallow, but in the long run, the only person you really have any control over is... you! If you can step back and watch your mom as if she were someone who is in desperate need of help, you may start to feel less like a victim. You can put some distance there and not take it so personally - she probably treats everyone that way... She is making choices she will one day regret. Accept the love and care that others are showing you, and know that you are a wonderful child of God and deserve good things. You can make your own choices about how to treat others. Perhaps your own experience is helping mould you into a loving, caring, sensitive young woman. While you may not like your past, you can make choices today that will lead to a wonderful future!

Megan,

Sorry I missed your call the other day. But you know how to reach me. Glad you had a good time at the game.

Angie sounds like she's got a heart of gold and WANTS to be there for you. Please, take her up on it. While your biological mother means well, she doesn't seem to get it.

Concentrate on helping yourself rather than your Mom. If you can spare a couple of bucks, get a pedicure (I should take my own advice!!), a massage or something to pamper yourself.

Again, my celly is always on. I'll be around tonight after 8 pm. Call me!!

Megan you know what your biggest problem is you CARE too much, now i mean that in a the best way possible, but really you worry so much about every one else, you need to start thinking about YOU sweetie and that YOU are important, everyone has given you some wonderful advice and I can only agree with them, take some special time for yourself, and don't worry about your friends, they will sort it out for themselves, just be friends with them both.

Sorry to hear about work, guess there is not much you can do there, and yes unfortunately it happens, like teachers pet in school, i must say i hate that kinda stuff, so unfair, life is like that at times darn unfair.

You know you always have my love and support here on PT and anytime night or day,remember when it is day there it is often night here, so PM anytime , love and hugs to you, and I hope you can find some peace in your life soon sweetie and go do something awesome for yourself.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by ILoveMyAbbyGirl

My manager, Sarah, came over to the manager that was bagging for me and said to her, "One of our 9's need to go home at 8:30." (meaning someone who goes home at 9 needs to go a half hour early, our numbers were bad)

---

Think of this part, this way.. You got more hours on the clock which = more money for you!

I love when my boss asks me to stay extra hours or fill in for someone else... more money for me!

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by ILoveMyAbbyGirl

Today started out great... I didn't have school, slept in till 10, and worked at 4. Work was fine, I had this feeling of self pride for some reason, and I held my head a little higher and was a little friendlier.

My manager, Sarah, came over to the manager that was bagging for me and said to her, "One of our 9's need to go home at 8:30." (meaning someone who goes home at 9 needs to go a half hour early, our numbers were bad)

Usually, in these circumstances, the manager will single out the two or three people that are ELIGIBLE to go home, and play the "Pick a Number" game to see who gets to go home. But Sarah, FAVORING the other person, doesn't even give me a chance to TRY and go home early. Sarah is friends with the other girl, so she automatically let the other girl go home and didn't even give me a chance. Mind you, the girl she favors was doing lame ass jobs like taking baskets back, and most of the time was just sitting around doing nothing.

Now don't get me wrong, staying the extra half hour wasn't bad. It's just the fact that she isn't showing fairness and equality. Everytime I'm there, she favors this ONE girl over everyone else.

Toppping it off, she isn't even MANAGING. She is off talking to people at the service desk, wanderinig around the store, not doing her job AT ALL. It's SO irritating when you need her and have NO CLUE where she is.

*breath*

My best friends pretty much hate each other. To make a long story short, X and Y talked about dating, Y wanted to date X but thought that if something were to happen and they would break up, their friendship would be in shambles. Y said no to X, now X is being a drama queen and said that Y led her on, blah blah blah. X wants "space" from Y, and now Y is broken hearted because she feels like she ruined EVERYTHING between the three of us.


I AM SO SICK OF DRAMA.

My day started out okay, but I'm at my breaking point again. Drama, my friend and I got pulled over last night and she was a wreck, my stress-filled job, my mom, I'm just soooo tired of everything. :(

I can't take this anymore.

---

Omg thats JUST LIKE my old manager!!! Or well both. They would go out to like kfc and bring back dinner for everyone BUT ME and noone else had to pay for it either. They would also favor one person and would bring them when they went out and they would bring them for their breaks wich they extended even though there not suposed to!
They were so stupid!! UGGH I hate my old managers I'm so glad I quite my old job!
I'm sorry your going through such a tough time you can always pm and aim me and I'll talk with you.(sometime its easier to pour your heart out over the internet to people you knw(I know it makes me feel better))
I havnt gone through the same thing but a abussive childhood and crap yes Ive been there. If you cant talk to you dad in person without crying maybe write him a note. I do that cause I know I'll end up crying too if I talk to my mom in person (so I have her on msn instead)
good luck I hope things will shape up

Today's been alright. Mom just picked me up, we went to go grocery shopping, everything was fine. We laughed, joked, had a good time.

I like having days like this where I feel like I can connect with her and we get along well with eachother. They do not come often, by any means, but they are enjoyable.

Mike... oh my gosh, you guys... I know you probably hate me, but he asked me out again (*cringe* I know, AGAIN...) and I said yes. We've been happily dating for over a month. :) Things are going smoothly and I couldn't be happier knowing we're together, happy and things are working and lasting.

About caring too much, I know I do, and I can't help it. I swear to GOD I wasn't born with the ability to care for myself... don't get me wrong, I shower and take CARE of myself, but when it comes to putting myself before others, I just CAN'T do it. I try so hard, and so many people have told me to take care of myself and not worry so much about people, but I can't, I just freaking CAN'T. I can't. I've never been able to do it, and probably never will. I care about you guys SO much, it's just me. I was BORN to try and make OTHER PEOPLE happy, it's what I do. It's what I've always done. I always try to make other people happy, make sure everyone else is okay before I even THINK about tending to myself. I am always last on my priority list.

You know what? I was working last night, (Sarah was there, nicer...) and X and Y came into the store together! They are friends again! I was SOOO happy seeing them laughing and linking arms with each other... my gosh. The past DAY has been great. I love it.

Things are going good, I have to go help Angie and the girls with some Girl Scout stuff tomorrow. So far so good, guys. :)

:D I'm happy you had a good day!

Me too. Jenny and Gavin just came over for a bit too. It was nice to see them. :)

Megan it was lovely to read your post, i could feel your happiness,and it was good to hear, and great that you had a good time with your mother, treasure those moments, and when-ever you are feeling low or bad about her, try and focus on those times, hopefully you will experience more happy times with her and the bad ones will become less.

You know what caring as much as you do is indeed what makes you the special young lady that you are,i hope you choose a career in life where you can put your ability and skill to good use, because not everyone is like you sweetie, it is a quality about you that I admire so much, your giving , caring sweet nature.

Just be careful to try and make some time for yourself, if you are always giving and caring for others you will reach burn out and then you won't have the energy or desire to help others as you do now, so that is all we are saying.

You take care now ya here and I hope things continue to improve and you can feel this happy on a more regular basis, love ya. :)

Mike and I hugged for the first time (I know, a month and our first hug was today...) but it was so wonderful. I felt so safe in his arms, and he just rubbed my back... it was so cute. And he hugged me AT WORK... we're still a little "undercover" at work, but *sigh*.

I'm just so scared... I've put my heart out on the line now. We've shared a special moment... I just HATE the feeling that he could break my heart whenever he wanted... I'm scared of being in love.

Megan it is the risk we all take sometime in our life, you just gotta go with the flow , and enjoy the moments, and try not to think of what could happen, because it might not, yes he could break your heart, or you his, but no use thinking that way or worrying about it, just enjoy your loving relationship and take it slowly,from one worry wort to another, chill sweetie pie.

I've just completely crashed again.

My day was going okay, with Mike and all, and now I'm just sobbing.

I don't really want to talk about it now... just has to do with friends, self esteem, and choosing favorites... and all of a sudden it's all bunched up and let loose and i'm sobbing again.

Aww Megan honey i wish i could be there to help you, re-assure you and give you a big hug, it will be allright whatever it is, just sleep on it and remember each day brings new things, hopefully some good ones your way, i am sorry you feel down again and just have to hope you will be feeling better tomorrow, love and hugs to you.