SOME things are better left unsaid...

I was talking to my childhood friend Susan. I told her I was under an extreme amount of stress with all the financial problems I have, from not working for so long. That and the fact that I had a panic attack tonight, worrying about how I was going to feed myself AND my cats on the last $2.07 I have till I have (my paycheck from BB&B HAS to go to the car company or they'll repossess it). She told me, "I don't mean to sound insensitive or cold, but if I were in YOUR situation and had a problem between feeding 4 cats or myself, I'd give up the cats." :eek: I told her that was NOT an option, that my financial situation wouldn't change if I DIDN'T have 4 cats because it doesn't cost THAT much to feed them, AND, it would be like giving up my children. She got a little snotty with me and said she had to go put the kids to bed. :( :mad:

Geez!!!! PLEASE - I'm not posting because I want sympathy. I know I just need to get over this "hump" in my life and I should be okay. But her saying that to me really hurt me. Friends should be able to tell friends anything. And for the most part we do. She knows how much my cats mean to me. (or so I thought) If I ever felt that way, I would NEVER say it out loud. There are some things that are better left unsaid, and that was one of them. :(

I'm so sorry this happened. I understand how you feel. AN OLD friend who I am no longer friends with heard me talking about Sassy's age to me to put her to sleep and stop complaining. :rolleyes: Seriously, I know what it feels like. I really hope things go better for you.
hugs to you,
Alyssa

If she's a long-time friend, wait a few weeks, and then tell her how much that hurt, then let it go.

Knowing what NOT to say is often more valuable than knowing what TO say. It's a highly underrated skill.

You are NOT alone, we are here and do understand. Have faith, and trust my dear. Can I help, of course I can, we can. If you are crazy then we all are!! And I happen to think we are a great support service. You HAVE US. You are not alone.

:mad: that was rude of her. Does she have any animals? I am asking, because so she knows how much you love them and that you wouldn't give them up for the world. I hope things look up for you soon, Donna! ((hugs))

Thanks everyone. I KNOW everyone here understands. That's why I love this place. You guys are the best. I don't know what I'd do without you!!

I've known Susan since I was 2 years old. I'm sure she meant well, but it still hurt nonethless.

This place and you all have been a real comfort to me. Love you LOTS!!!

My cats would eat before I would and I would have told her that in a heartbeat. Sorry, but I think she should have offered you some help if she was a GOOD friend.... at least offer to buy them a bag of food!

You are right, some things are left better unsaid. Honestly, she probably can't understand how much your cats mean to you. I hope that she can somehow understand that they mean so much to you, so this arguement can pass, and you will be seeing eye-to-eye on this hard time in life...

Stephanie

I used to always have food in the house for the cat and none for myself, lucky for me my circumstances have changed a bit. Most of my friends also understand that the cat comes first and would never make a remark like that. Maybe she'll realize what she said was wrong and apologize. :)

I am truly sorry about your financial problems right now, and also about what your friend said :( I think she meant well, and wanted to offer you advice so that you could be happy, but it didn't come out right. I say the wrong things SO many times it's ridiculous :o :rolleyes: I did it just today when I was talking to my sis about loosing weight. Well, my sis is already thin, and I said I wanted to get a little skinnier than her. BAD THING TO SAY lol. She was like, "Um, thanks?" Lol, well just leave your friend be for a while, and see if she maybe comes to you about the hurtful thing she said to you. Man, I want to make you feel better, how about some jokes? I have blondes, there my specialty, considering I AM one lol. :p

My freinds say this kind of stuff to me all the time. They will ask me how ZOey is doing and I would tell them the problems.They say Why don't you just get rid of her. I am so angry because my freinds should know how much I love Zoey!! I know how you feel.

In my opinion, true friends are supposed to tell you the truth no matter how much it hurts. And to a non-animal lover, what she said would have been the truth. BUT, we here know that truth to be a bit different. I'm willing to go out on a limb and assume that all of us here at PT would rather our pets eat before we do, but not everyone thinks that way. Those that don't think that way, think we're crazy.

Give yourself some time, then let your friend know how you feel once you've calmed down. I'm sure that if she's a true friend, she'll understand and apologize for hurting you.

((((((((((((((((((((((((HUGS)))))))))))))))))))))) )) to you and I'll pray that your situation improves.

Despite the fact she's never had pets, if she was in your situation and someone told her to give up her kids, what would she say and how would she feel? Please excuse me, Donna, for saying this, but I'm not in a great situation now either, but my friends offer help and guidance. And we always complain to each other, it's theraputical and shoulders to cry on go both ways. I'm so deeply sorry your friend disappointed and hurt you.

Donna, Most people just don't get it, that why you have us :D

I think she is just looking out for your best interest, and spoke before she thought. I doubt she meant it to sound so harsh!

Don´t keep bad thoughts in, tell her that comment hurt you, then move on.

I am sure you don´t need anymore negativity in your life now! ((hugs))

I'm guessing she doesn't have pets so doesn't understand the deep bond that animals and humans can have..............Don't let her insenstivity get to you, we all understand

Donna, I understand how insensitive that sounded and of course, we all know that would not be an option, but just for one moment, could you please think about what you said about friendship? You said.......

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Friends should be able to tell friends anything.

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Well, I believe your friend thought she could mention this option to you. YES, she could have said it in a nicer manner but I am certain she did not mean to make you feel bad.

{{{{{{{HUGS}}}}}}

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Originally Posted by Lobodeb

In my opinion, true friends are supposed to tell you the truth no matter how much it hurts. And to a non-animal lover, what she said would have been the truth. BUT, we here know that truth to be a bit different. I'm willing to go out on a limb and assume that all of us here at PT would rather our pets eat before we do, but not everyone thinks that way. Those that don't think that way, think we're crazy.

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I couldn't have said it better myself, exactly what I was wanting to say.

I'm sure she didn't mean to hurt your feelings, obviously she's just not the animal lover you are.
I'd give it a few days and call her back.

*hugs*

Could be that you just caught her in a harried or anxious mood herself.
If she has small children who were pass ready for bed, I totally could
understand.A lot of times when people want to talk about problems
with a friend, that's all they want is to talk.The problems come in when
they feel they must make suggestions to help.

I'm in a similar boat myself. Just lucky I had a $2 off coupon for Nutro Max Cat and a credit slip for Pet Food Express, otherwise I might have had to raid the sample baskets at the Humane Society the other night. :(

I agree with the folks who say that your friend may have spoken without thinking. Just let her know that it hurt, then forgive her.

Are your kitties giving you purr therapy? Don Juan is as good a friend as ever, and Zerlina always makes me smile with her sweet face and antics. I sure as heck wouldn't give them up.

Liz

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Most people just don't get it, that why you have us

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You got THAT one right!!!

I TRY to let things like that roll off my back. But yesterday really just got to me. Susan used to foster Seeing Eye Dogs for Fidelco years ago. I'll see her at her son's Bar Mitzfah on April 7th and everything will be fine. I always try to give people the benefit of the doubt.

In the meantime, I'll just keep plugging away. ;) I got my HP covering my back. :D

I haven't read any replies but that sounds like one friend you could do without. What a cold, insensitive person.

Sadly Donna some people have never experienced the magical bond of love we have for our pets, and IMO they are missing out big time, your friend is obviously one of them, don't take it too hard and she probably meant well, but it was a rather insensitive comment, but if you value her friendship, try and let it go and just remember not everyone is as fortunate as ourselves to experience that special love with our pets, feel sorry for her really, and Donna I am sorry to hear things are so damn difficult right now,life is extremely tough at times, know you are in my thoughts and i am sending positive vibes for things to improve and soon. take care and HUGS. :)

Jackie you always seem to have wonderful advice.